(Closed) Can't Get Over Guest's Excuse for not attending

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 76
457 posts
Helper bee

You have to expect a few people won’t show, and don’t worry about the money as it was going to be spent either way. However she could have done you the favour of at least making up a decent lie, like my dog has to be taken to the emergency vet or I’m really sick. By saying the problem was her boyfriends cough she was passive aggressively telling you she just couldn’t be bothered. Some posters are saying well a cough can be serious and yes it can be, but then you wouldn’t describe it as a “cough” in that case, you would say it was a chest infection or just say “He is really sick”. 

Post # 77
1668 posts
Bumble bee

I would never forgive her after those nonchalant texts. Never talk to her again. Done.

Post # 78
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
lambsear88 :  that’s not true actually, we paid 100% for our wedding and $400pp. Our wedding was VERY intimate as in 14 people including us. Guess what? 5 of those people bailed on me. On the morning of. It sucks money went towards nothing but I honestly didn’t care I was just happy to be married. Sometimes guests don’t show up, oh well! The money is already spent and you can’t get it back – sunk cost. 

OP maybe he was sick or maybe she’s full of sh but you just need to determine if you want to end your friendship over it or not. When I had all those people not show up (3 didn’t even text) I just moved on. I got married and had a great time without them.  

Post # 79
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
lambsear88 :  100% agree. With so much personal money and time invested, people should only rsvp if they intend on attending 100%, rain or shine, cough, sniffles whatever else.

Imagine if *everyone* had the lazeisfaire attitude of, “oh it’s YOUR party so you should expect losses and eat all costs anyway if I just don’t show up/cancel/flake’. That would be a disaster! You would confirm plate counts with the caterer and would have to see if even anyone showed up. RSVPs are serious committments and a vow to attend the wedding (except in EMERGENCY EMERGENCY SITUATIONS).

Canceling the day before or day of with a crappy excuse is disgusting behavior and I would definitively be freezing that friendship. If I’m having to cancel my rsvp then guess what? The card and money from both myself and hubby are in the mail.

Post # 80
79 posts
Worker bee

Let it go! 

Post # 81
3148 posts
Sugar bee

Bye Felicia!

Post # 82
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
lambsear88 :  we paid for our wedding whilst also saving for a house and this was just after we had paid for my masters degree. That was over a three year period too. So I really get every penny for years going on something not fun, on something else. I get what money means.

We also DIYed a lot of stuff. We handmade every favour, we made the boxes for the favours. We handmade every decoration, every invitation and every order of service. My mum made our cake but other than that we made and set up everything ourselves. I get the time invested. But when our guests no-showed on the day it still wasn’t enough for us to decide to end a friendship. That’s two place settings we couldn’t clear away, it was glaringly obvious that two people had just decided not to come. Still not worth being this upset about it.

Just because you paid 100% of your wedding yourself, it still doesn’t mean that things can’t come up for your guests and that its relationship ending when they can’t attend. From OPs updates it sounds like the friend has always been kind of a flake, the excuse you were offered seems like they’re kind of a flake too. If these people have been a flake in the past (and you’ve put up with it) then they aren’t suddenly going to flip out of it for your wedding. People don’t change for your wedding. If you’d have put up with the flakiness previously without it ending the friendship then your wedding should be no different.

Post # 83
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

What I find puzzling is the number of posters who believe the invitee was telling the truth about her boyfriend’s cough. I think it was an unimaginative cheap excuse. He decided he wanted to stay in bed or go over to his brother’s place or go hiking instead.

Post # 84
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Sounds like it cost you $350 to get rid of a a non friend in your life

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