(Closed) Can’t get over his bach party…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes…. so normally, I usually vote to give the guy a pass if he doesn’t call at the end of the night (drunk + friends doesn’t usually =  guality phone time)

HOWEVER, I think it’s really weird that your sister would know what’s going on and you didn’t.

AND….the answer of “ate, slept and went to casinos” is so vague. Hello, it’s vegas, why wouldn’t he share some details? It just seems suspicious to me.

Post # 4
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 Yea I agree something about this sounds suspect. I would ask him alot more questions….

Post # 5
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I might get slammed for this but here goes anyway.  Get over it.  Having a lap dance doesn’t mean he slept with her or anyone.  He didn’t have your sister lying to you, she didn’t want you to worry.  I know it’s difficult but it seemed he tried to spare you this by not giving you the details.  Sometimes the thoughts we create are much worse than the reality.  So he didn’t call you when he agreed to.  I get that that could be frustrating but he was on vacation with his friends and maybe didn’t want to stop and call.  Annoying yes.  Makes him untrustworthy?  Not really.

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why on Earth does your sister know more than you do?!?  The whole thing sounds suspect.  I’m crazy so I’d postpone the wedding until he was willing to talk to me about it

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ive never been told exactly what happened at my husbands B party or seen pics and to be honest i have faith in the man so it doesnt matter

if your trust is “completely broken” because he didnt phone you regularly then i wonder how ready you are for marraige – some couples go weeks or months with no contact but its their trust and faith in eachother that keeps them strong

i am not telling you to suck it up and but you do have to get over this if you are going to go forward – a drunken lapdance in a alcohol fueled peer pressured environment does not make a cheater, especially as none of your rules excluded lapdances

Post # 8
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sent from my Android

ok I agree with PP that it sounds fishy BUT you guys had some trust issues before he left other wise you woudnt have gave him ” the rules”.

Yes he should have answered you when he asked but honestly….who wants to know details from the bachlor party?!

It sounds like he has messed up in the past, and if that’s the case then you guys need to work on your honesty and trust issues.

You can FORGIVE him but you don’t have to FORGET!

Post # 9
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

=( I’d be postponing till I got some answers.

Post # 10
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You have every right to be pissed. But let your emotions settle down, then have a giant talk with him about trust. On the bright side, he will probably never do anything like that ever again.

Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That doesn’t sound good…

Post # 12
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Rule number 3 you feel “uncomfortable calling” OK I get that, you ask him to call he doesn’t. OK he broke the rule yes. But you should NOT have waited to call. (You could have also texted.) Uncomfortable is a far cry from worrying that he’s dead, or otherwise seriously sick. You should have called. Your sister was a shit for not telling you By The Way.

Being passed out drunk isn’t getting so sick he lands in a hospital (unless he seriously had alcohol poisening). So he didn’t really break that rule. I can’t count how many time I’ve been passed out from a long night out drinking and partying. That doesn’t mean I’m sick and going to the hospital. I think it’s a given he be wasted, and therefore passed out. But I do not mean uncousious- passed out. I mean sleeping…

Finally you shouldn’t have asked about the lap dance. He was sparing you. You knew that. If he’s a cheater you should know by now. If he was the type to sleep with strippers you’d probably already think he was cheating. If you had no reason to suspect he was cheating on you before this, there’s a very good chance all he did was get danced on.

Only you can answer the question as to is it really his stag that broke your trust or was your trust broken long before? I’m leaning to the latter. One mess up (the not calling) and you’re thinking it’s all over.

Post # 13
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that if you set ground rules you both agreed to before he left, he broke them and will not communicate with you about any of it, there are major red flags.   Even if other posters think that you should get over it, your future husband should care enough to talk to you, reassure you and work past it together.  I’m not sure how you can go on to marry him and feel good about it if he has broken your trust and is refusing to communicate.

I’m so sorry.   You know where your line in the sand is and even if someone else’s line is in a different spot, your feelings are still justified.   Grown men need to communicate if they want a marriage to work.

Post # 15
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would be pretty upset about this, and I was totally laid-back about my guy’s bachelor party.

I completely understand you being upset that he didn’t call for several days; it would be annoying but acceptable if he forgot after being gone for one night, but one drunken call over a 4-day trip? That would NOT fly with me.

Some PPs have brought up trust, but this isn’t even even a matter of trust as much as a lack of respect for your feelings and your concerns. All you wanted to know was that he was alive and well, and he couldn’t even text you and tell you he was having fun and doing fine? COME ON.

I don’t think he needs to tell you EVERYTHING from this trip, but it sounds really sketchy to me. I would definitely have to have some questions answered before we could move forward.

Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Then I suggest you take up your trust and anger issues with your sister. And address the 2 issues at hand: your sister and the lack of calling.

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