Post # 1
So my fiance just finished up a four day bach party in Vegas with 13 of his “closest” friends. He’s gone to Vegas a number of times in the past without me and never did anything to break my trust. So I thought this would be fine and i gave him three simple rules 1) don’t do anything that could get you an STD 2) don’t get so sick you end up in the hospital and 3) call me each night so i know you aren’t dead. I also told him, and maybe this isn’t fair, that I don’t feel comfortable calling him while he is there, so it was important that he call me. We’ve done all this in the past and those times went smoothly.
Well he definitely broke rule #3, almost broke #2 and i’m paranoid he broke #1. He called me exactly one time in 4 days… at 9 am (his time) and left me a drunk voicemail where he seemed pissed to be having to do it and then said he’d call me later… then didn’t.
Because he didn’t call me, my mind started thinking of all the places he could be and what he could be doing. It was AWFUL! I couldn’t eat or sleep. I went to call him once and my sister told me not to… I later discovered that she knew he was passed out somewhere and didn’t want me to get upset.
When he finally got home, I asked him if he had fun and what did he do and he refused to give me any real answers… saying “i ate, slept and went to casinos”. My trust is completely broken… 2 days home now and i haven’t seen a picture or heard a single story about his trip. I finally asked point blank if he had a lap dance and he said yes.
I didn’t say he couldn’t, and i really thought I’d be fine with it. But after everything he put me through the past week I don’t trust him, and i’m picturing him sleeping with her. I can’t stop thinking about it and i can’t stand to even look at him…. but our wedding is less than a month away.
I can’t believe he would do this to me or have my own sister lying to me about his drinking.
I just don’t know how to get over it…. HELP!
Post # 3
Yikes…. so normally, I usually vote to give the guy a pass if he doesn’t call at the end of the night (drunk + friends doesn’t usually = guality phone time)
HOWEVER, I think it’s really weird that your sister would know what’s going on and you didn’t.
AND….the answer of “ate, slept and went to casinos” is so vague. Hello, it’s vegas, why wouldn’t he share some details? It just seems suspicious to me.
Post # 4
Yea I agree something about this sounds suspect. I would ask him alot more questions….
Post # 5
I might get slammed for this but here goes anyway. Get over it. Having a lap dance doesn’t mean he slept with her or anyone. He didn’t have your sister lying to you, she didn’t want you to worry. I know it’s difficult but it seemed he tried to spare you this by not giving you the details. Sometimes the thoughts we create are much worse than the reality. So he didn’t call you when he agreed to. I get that that could be frustrating but he was on vacation with his friends and maybe didn’t want to stop and call. Annoying yes. Makes him untrustworthy? Not really.
Post # 6
Why on Earth does your sister know more than you do?!? The whole thing sounds suspect. I’m crazy so I’d postpone the wedding until he was willing to talk to me about it
Post # 7
ive never been told exactly what happened at my husbands B party or seen pics and to be honest i have faith in the man so it doesnt matter
if your trust is “completely broken” because he didnt phone you regularly then i wonder how ready you are for marraige – some couples go weeks or months with no contact but its their trust and faith in eachother that keeps them strong
i am not telling you to suck it up and but you do have to get over this if you are going to go forward – a drunken lapdance in a alcohol fueled peer pressured environment does not make a cheater, especially as none of your rules excluded lapdances
Post # 8
Sent from my Android
ok I agree with PP that it sounds fishy BUT you guys had some trust issues before he left other wise you woudnt have gave him ” the rules”.
Yes he should have answered you when he asked but honestly….who wants to know details from the bachlor party?!
It sounds like he has messed up in the past, and if that’s the case then you guys need to work on your honesty and trust issues.
You can FORGIVE him but you don’t have to FORGET!
Post # 9
=( I’d be postponing till I got some answers.
Post # 10
You have every right to be pissed. But let your emotions settle down, then have a giant talk with him about trust. On the bright side, he will probably never do anything like that ever again.
Post # 12
Rule number 3 you feel “uncomfortable calling” OK I get that, you ask him to call he doesn’t. OK he broke the rule yes. But you should NOT have waited to call. (You could have also texted.) Uncomfortable is a far cry from worrying that he’s dead, or otherwise seriously sick. You should have called. Your sister was a shit for not telling you By The Way.
Being passed out drunk isn’t getting so sick he lands in a hospital (unless he seriously had alcohol poisening). So he didn’t really break that rule. I can’t count how many time I’ve been passed out from a long night out drinking and partying. That doesn’t mean I’m sick and going to the hospital. I think it’s a given he be wasted, and therefore passed out. But I do not mean uncousious- passed out. I mean sleeping…
Finally you shouldn’t have asked about the lap dance. He was sparing you. You knew that. If he’s a cheater you should know by now. If he was the type to sleep with strippers you’d probably already think he was cheating. If you had no reason to suspect he was cheating on you before this, there’s a very good chance all he did was get danced on.
Only you can answer the question as to is it really his stag that broke your trust or was your trust broken long before? I’m leaning to the latter. One mess up (the not calling) and you’re thinking it’s all over.
Post # 13
I think that if you set ground rules you both agreed to before he left, he broke them and will not communicate with you about any of it, there are major red flags. Even if other posters think that you should get over it, your future husband should care enough to talk to you, reassure you and work past it together. I’m not sure how you can go on to marry him and feel good about it if he has broken your trust and is refusing to communicate.
I’m so sorry. You know where your line in the sand is and even if someone else’s line is in a different spot, your feelings are still justified. Grown men need to communicate if they want a marriage to work.
Post # 14
I know it does sound strange. He has always been very honest and we tell each other everything…
As for my sister- she has been flirting with one of his friends that was in vegas at the same time. He sent her a few messages- one that he was passed out and two that he got in some fight with one of his close friends about having a guest at our wedding.
I think 20% of my anger is that he had my sister covering for him instead of standing up for me…
Post # 15
I would be pretty upset about this, and I was totally laid-back about my guy’s bachelor party.
I completely understand you being upset that he didn’t call for several days; it would be annoying but acceptable if he forgot after being gone for one night, but one drunken call over a 4-day trip? That would NOT fly with me.
Some PPs have brought up trust, but this isn’t even even a matter of trust as much as a lack of respect for your feelings and your concerns. All you wanted to know was that he was alive and well, and he couldn’t even text you and tell you he was having fun and doing fine? COME ON.
I don’t think he needs to tell you EVERYTHING from this trip, but it sounds really sketchy to me. I would definitely have to have some questions answered before we could move forward.
Post # 16
Then I suggest you take up your trust and anger issues with your sister. And address the 2 issues at hand: your sister and the lack of calling.