(Closed) Can’t get over his bach party…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 182
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Cc7492: Well, good! He deserves to be in the dog house for being such a prick!

Like I said earlier, just because it’s called a bachelor party dosen’t mean he’s a bachelor. And you say he texted all his friends but not you. Like as if he had texted you, the whole “magic” of it all would have disappeared? You also say he’s done this to you before and left you crying. Well, when are you going to say you will no longer tolerate this? And the next time will be the last time? He, it seems, at this point, has to be threatened to start treating you with respect.

I’m glad you can get over the lapdances. (I know I couldn’t). But remember that once you say “I do”, he will not change, unless you demand he change. What if he asked you to call him when you were away to make sure you are safe and you blatantly ignore that request? What if because of it, he breaks up with you? Who would you be angry at? Him? Or yourself for not realizing sooner that NOT calling is DISRESPECING him?

Hang in there, hon, and have a frank talk with him. He needs to know ALL of you. He needs to understand ALL your feelings. He wants to marry you? Great. So that means a few questions from the love of his life shouldn’t annoy him and if they do…..well, you probably know what I’m thinking. BIG FAT HUGS TO YOU!

Post # 183
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve been following this post for awhile and just haven’t been able to respond until now. It sounds like your man is being one hell of a jerk and I can understand you being upset and confused. The fact that he was texting other people and couldn’t even drop you a “hey” or “love ya” is pretty douche of him. A lap dance or two wouldn’t bother me too much (though my guy isn’t really into that stuff and thinks its a waste of money) I know it’s just part of being with the guys. But that’s not enough reason to disrepect his future wife. If he promised he should of tried, or a least felt bad/sorry about it. It sounds like he’s trying to be mad at you. I’m sure you’ve been pushing him but if he had just called and told you a summed up version on his party when he got back I’m sure you’d felt better and wouldn’t of thought twice. It’s the feeling of being forgotten or brushed off that you probably can’t shake. I don’t blame you. I trust my guy completely but if he’d done that I’d be mad and think somethings up…maybe not cheating per say but something.

Post # 184
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your future husband and you are a team and should be able to talk openly with eachother. I hope this gets much better for you.

Post # 185
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2022 - City, State

I don’t see the hang up with rules.. I give my Fiance rules all the time.  I think people are getting too hung up on rules it smore liek establishing expectations.  Most guys HATE that women are SO vague and then get upset when they don’t get what they want.  I say the whole you are going away do as you want and have fun BUT these are my expectations of you isn’t crazy.  It makes it so you’re on the same page (I think its good communication).

I would be concerned if he’s acting differently.  I woudl ask him why he’s asking weird and start the conversation where you start to pry there.  If he’s always tod you stuff before then a change in behavior is a BIG deal, and I would be worried too.

Post # 187
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i’m sorry, i’m very naive but what is the lollipop thing?!  i probably don’t even want to know but can’t help wondering…

and yeah, the fact he managed to text a load of other people and not you is so not good.  and now you have one (ONE) night out with friends to feel better and have a few drinks he’s now taking the high ground and blaming you for things being worse?!?!? WTF? how about you go out for four days, have a few male escorts rub themselves up against you, totally ignore him and have no contact with him but make sure you get in touch with all your friends to tell them how much fun you’re having, and THEN he’ll know how it feels. urgh.  

as for whether or not you should go through with the wedding and stuff, like PPs, it’s just your decision.  i think if you’re not sure then postpone. i know it’s expensive and stuff but you really need to know that you can put this behind you otherwise it will not be a happy start to married life. think of you lots and please keep us updated! 

Post # 190
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@Cc7492: Your nightmares are just your subconscious working through the issues. It’s good, you’re processing. Good to know he’s no longer acting like a prick, you didn’t deserve that.

All in all glad things are working out for you. I don’t like to see girls on weddingbee losing a relationship over meaningless rituals.  ::hugs!!:: Keep working on things and continue to let us know how things are going.

Post # 192
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

sounds fishy to me. whats with the non chalant explanation of what went on. i would be suspicious. i agree with assilum. that being said, you should have made more rules. its all about the rules. my DH was not aloud to go to a strip club even if he had wanted to, which he didn’t. he’s not even aloud to go to strip clubs for others bach parties. (explanation= strong ideas about intimacy within a marriage.)

Post # 193
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Cc7492:  oh. my. god.  yuck! that is just so lame and dumb, but yeah, i believe that exists now.  men do need rules don’t they, so they can’t sit there and say ‘i never touched a stripper! [with my finger]’  wow.  this makes me feel VERY certain that I need to have a chat with my Fiance about what will be involved on his bachelor night out!!!  

I’m glad things are going better for you, it will be hard to work through this but if you can make it through this then you will be very well prepared for married life!

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