(Closed) Can’t get over his bach party…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

 

I think the modern idea of a batchelor party is the worst, immature, and relationship fuckeruper idea possible. If a guy gets engaged to you and wants to be with you exclusively, why on earth would he right before he gets married want to have some girl sit all up on him, watch other girls dance around or get so wasted that your sick and don’t know what happened? Doesn’t that go against everything he is promising and desiring? That is the type of shit single men do or people with no respect for women in my opinion. 

I’ll know I have lost my mind when I tell my Fiance its okay to let a random woman bounce all over his dick for money…

 

Post # 50
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Eva Peron: Exactly!!!!! I dont get it either.Like when I have my own bachelorette perty I plan on having NO strippers. Going out to eat and then bowling…I like that alot.

Post # 51
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Eva Peron: Exactly!!!!! I dont get it either.Like when I have my own bachelorette perty I plan on having NO strippers. Going out to eat and then bowling…I like that alot.

Post # 52
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Cc7492: Hmm…I have read this whole post inlcuding all the responses…I agree with some on here that the rules you gave him before he left is a little strange(why do you need rules?), but I would probably be upset also if I asked my Fiance to call me and he didn’t, though to be honest I am a little worse at the phone thing than he is, lol. As for getting so drunk he passed out, doesn’t remember, I think we all have/had nights like that. I do think that you should not make assumptions on things you don’t know!! That could make things a whole lot worse!! Cool down a little, sit down with him and have a conversation about this…if he still doesn’t want to talk about it(which, honestly, if he didn’t want to tell me about his trip I would think that is fishy too.) tell him how you are feeling and that you need to talk about it to move on from his strange behavior(whether it be he was hiding something or he was just hungover/tired). As for you saying things are just not right, if you have been with him that long, I am going to say that you know him better than any of us on here do, seeing as we have never met him. So I say go with what you are feeling, but in a rational way and hopefully it is nothing serious, you just misread his signals!! Best of luck!!

Post # 53
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Eva Peron: I agree.

 

OP, I feel really badly for you.  I know you feel heartbroken about your Fiance not calling you, and I know how that feeling of uncertainty and anger and worry can really mess up your days without him.  I’m also really shocked that some other posters would actually say “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” You are obviously hurting, so is a “suck it up buttercup” really going to help? No. It also makes me wonder if that poster ascribes to the other bullshit so called man rules such as “if the state/country lines don’t touch, it’s not cheating.”  Also the person who originally posted that was (or still is) in a long distance relationship, so it’s really surprising to see someone who should obviously understand the importance of trust in a relationship telling you to just get over your insecurity and chalk his worrying account (or non account) up to a ridiculous saying.

You know your Fiance best.  My SO is the same way, if he got drunk and didn’t call me for four days, save a drunken angry voicemail, I would be furious.  I would also be postponing the wedding until I got some clear answers.  If you feel something is off, trust your intuition and get to the bottom of it.

Post # 54
Member
16 posts
Newbee

@Cc7492: I feel for you because it’s obviously a rough situation. That seed of doubt can grow really quickly and cause a lot of stress, more worry, and extreme hurt. I’m sorry you’re facing this a month before your wedding.

When you’re suspicious and hurt, it’s hard to be able to separate reality from all the fantasies of the possible ways your Fiance messed up in Vegas.  When you’re ready to have a conversation with him that isn’t driven by PURE emotion (I know it’s hard!) I would make it clear that you need serious clarification about his trip, because, you’re worrying about things that you haven’t in the past, and you just need to get it off your mind.

Sure, ideally in relationships, trust would be an all- or- nothing  thing. But there are moments when you need reassurance, just because you do. And that’s okay. In a lifetime, we’re all going to face moments of doubt and fear in our relationship, and the flip side to that (which is why we’re all here in the first place).

If he’s not able to give that to you, then I would say that you need to trust your instincts and go from there. Best of luck, girl 🙂 

Post # 55
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

I am of the opinion that if your gut is telling you something is wrong then something is probably wrong. I am not buying the whole “what happens in vegas stays in vegas” crap, your telling me if your SO/FI/DH cheated on you in vegas thats ok because “what happens in vegas stay in vegas”? I am not buying that for one second.(not that I am saying thats what happened here because we just dont know) I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting an “i’m ok” phone call. The OP is not wrong by wanting to know he was ok she should have called him herself though. I hope you get what you need out of him and are able to move past this

Post # 56
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@Eva Peron: *stands up and applauds you* I swear WTF is wrong with men “I love you so much I want to marry you but first let me go have naked women all over me and maybe screw a few of them” bachelor parties are the worst part of marriage

Post # 57
Member
2592 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Especially if you have been together that long! Get that crap out of your system before you decide to settle down! Fiance and I have been together for 7 yrs and we are having a joint b-party:) Yeah we may split up and go bar hopping at different bars but mostly be together. He had his “fun” way back when in the Navy where we first met!But now we have a 4 yr old and are a family:)  Just because you are getting married does not mean you can just go have “one more single night”.

OP,go with your heart:) We are here to support you!

Post # 58
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrs.agentina and sooner365: agreed! @sooner365: we have been together for 7 yrs also, and will also be having a joint party! It should be a time to celebrate with friends and family that you are close with, not a last night being ‘single’…in me and FIs case neither of us has been single in 7 years…just don’t get it.

Sent from my Android

Post # 59
Member
2592 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

@misslyn86: Agree too:)  7 yrs dual military at that:) LOTS OF TRUST!!! He was in Jax,FL 8 mo.into dating and me stuck in Bethesda,MD. Granted he flew me out alot but still did the whole European deployment. Hello Red Light District haha! I saw alot of pics (nothing bad at all) but mostly him getting drunk,playing Bingo with old women. Cute haha! But trust has led us to where we are now. Poor OP. Wish her the best!

Post # 61
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Might be in the minority here…..I think you’re totally entitled to your own feelings and it doesn’t matter what we all think, you have to be happy. However, if you want other perspectives then I’ll also give you mine….

First, I think the lap dance etc is totally innocent. Not at all nice for you to think about, but nothing serious at all. It’s just something guys do together. Whether or not we get it / agree with it, going there and having a lap dance does not indicate at all that he did anything other than what he told you. If anything, being honest about it is a good sign.

With regards being quiet about the details, as soon as he got back, he was probably tired, hungover and not feeling great if he’d spent 4 days drunk. When my Fiance gets back from a night out, I get a hug and not much conversation. They know we don’t want the details, they don’t want an argument, so they don’t say much. Again, it doesn’t mean anything happened at all!

Not staying in touch….it’s crap but it IS different on this occasion. He didn’t go away on work or to visit his family, he was distracted, calling you in the middle of the night, each night, is a big ask and, if he’s seriously drunk, or in a strip bar etc….how can he call you. Yes, he could definitely have texted in the mornings….maybe you can make this a rule for another time?

Whatever anyone else thinks, you have to be satisfied. Just sit him down and say why have you been so vague with the details…? Sorry but is there anything I should know? If he says no, accept it.

Your sister…..if she had told you whilst he was away that he was seriously drunk somewhere, you would have felt like shit….she did you a favour….she knew it was nothing more than being really drunk.

Hope you get it sorted x

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