(Closed) Can't get over how my mother died…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This has not happened to me but I am sooooo sorry for your loss. Keep strong *hugs*

Post # 4
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@katepoppy:  I am so sorry for your loss! 🙁

Post # 6
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m a nurse who frequently see oncology patients on my floor and I had an uncle die at 44 from it.  Cancer is an awful, awful disease. I know its very hard and you want her to be physically with you, but as much as you love her and miss her, she’s no longer in any pain anymore, her suffering is over and she is finally at peace, never to have to feel any pain again. Unfortunately I doubt that helps much, but I hope you can find some peace too sometime soon. Sorry for your loss.

Post # 7
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@katepoppy:  I am so sorry for your loss.

When my mom passed she had been sick a long time but was in a coma for the last few days so, thankfully, we didn’t see her in pain at the end. However, my uncle passed from cancer. I got to the hospital just after and saw him. It was pretty awful. He looked like he was in pain even after. That image stuck with me for several days. It was actually the open casket that helped. Seeing him look more or less like himself again and “resting” was very healing for me. 

I know this is a really hard time. The only thing I can tell you is my mantra after Mom died… “The only way out is through.” You can’t run from your feelings. You can’t force them away. You gotta just feel sad when you want to be sad. You need to let yourself be really pissed off when you’re mad. When a memory or something totally not mom-related makes you smile- go for it. You could very well feel a roller coaster of emotions in the next few months— just let yourself feel them and keep going. I promise it gets easier. I still miss my mom 3 years later, but it’s way easier and I have way more happy memories than sad ones. 

Post # 8
163 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Post # 9
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@katepoppy:  I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this, I too have lost family members to cancer and it is such a long and painful illness. I wish I could comfort you and take away the saddness you are feeling.

One thing I can tell you that reassured me during the times I was upset over my grandpa passing was that I just knew he was no longer in pain, I knew that he knew I loved him and that I was there to see him before he had to go. I bet your mum knew in her heart and mind that you loved her very much and that you were there by her side. After reading that you spent the past few days with her I know that you did what was right and that she knew you loved her and that is a really beautiful thing.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, if you ever want to talk please feel free to send me a message. xx

Post # 13
1345 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

I’m a cancer research nurse, so I have to work with the family members of patients every day. I can’t recommend a therapist enough. We’re lucky to have a psychotherapist in our practice who sees the families of patients, so I don’t know if the oncology practice where your mom was being treated has a therapist available to help you work through this. It might also be good to look into a group for families of cancer patients so that you don’t feel alone and can let some of your sadness and frustration out with people who understand what you’re going through: here’s a list of resources.




I’m sorry to hear about your mom and your struggles, and I hope you find peace very soon.


Post # 14
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry for your loss. My best friend’s mother died two years ago after fighting cancer for 5 years (having originally been told she had 6 months). The best that I can offer is that it gets better. I know that right now the pain is intense and fresh and I’m sure it will be that way for a while, but it will get better.

When I have dealt with loss, I like to come up with a favorite memory of that person to hold on to and use as a touchstone of sorts to help me remember them in a happy way. For instance, I remember my friend’s mom jumping on a trampoline in their house with a big smile on her face during one of her “ups” when she was fighting her cancer. Perhaps you could try writing about it or describing it to someone to help it overpower the memories of her in pain.

My friend also wears her mom’s beautiful asscher cut eternity wedding band as a right hand ring.

Post # 15
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@katepoppy:  ((HUGS))  I am so sorry for your loss.  Nothing prepares you for the grief of losing a loved one.  It just takes time to heal.

Post # 16
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I held my Grandmother’s hand as my Mom begged her to let go after lymphoma took it’s toll on her, and we watched her take her last breath. It was the end of a long 7-8 months of battling the cancer. I was her main caretaker since I was unemployed and could take her to appointments. I watched my vibrant, energetic, fun grandmother (who was a second mother to me, raising me along with my single mother for 8 yrs) fade away over that time. At the end I was wishing for her to let go as well, so she could finally be pain-free and at rest.

Time really does heal all wounds. It doesn’t seem like it right now, but you will heal. You will remember the painful days less and less, and when you think about your Mom it will only be the happiest moments and images that enter your mind. Trust me.

Sending so much love and support your way… <3

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