(Closed) Can't get over my regrets about my wedding – any advice?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

OP, it’s clear from your follow up post that these are not regrets about your wedding, they are resentments about your husband not doing things you asked him to do. Has he shown a lack of follow through before? If not, I’d cut him some slack here. His shortcomings on your requests in this instance are pretty forgivable. Let’s be honest, dresses are never as important to men as they are to women. You guys were not on the same page about the importance of these wedding tasks, and that’s ok. Don’t place more importance on the perfect wedding than having a good marriage, which means being forgiving of minor issues like this.

Did you ever watch Sex and the City? Where Charlotte is getting married and things are going wrong in the ceremony and she winds up in the bathroom crying before the reception? She tells Carrie she wanted a perfect wedding, and Carrie says she has a man who’s wonderful to her and it’s supposed to be a happy day but she’s missing it because she’s crying in the bathroom. Don’t be crying in the bathroom, OP. You’re missing the important things.

Post # 19
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

oh my, those two things are like the two worst things that could happen FOR ME at MY WEDDING (understanding that others might feel differently, but to me these things are of major importance, especially if you have some kind of vision or theme for what you want it to look like on your pictures and your wedding VIDEO(!!!)…). I feel so bad for you.

And his best man-lady was extremely rude. Why is he friends with her? Really? She doesn’t seem to respect you a bit! She shouldnt have been in the party to begin with.  And about him not asking anyone to film your ceremony, that’s just so thoughtless! BOOOO on him!  

 

Now I feel angry with these people too ! 😡

 

Without reading the others comments, I am sure you have gotten plenty of great advice on how to overcome this, but I am hoping that you at least feel a bit better over your emotions knowing that there are others who would  be just as disappointed….. Or wait, no, I would actually be way more upset than you seem to be, so a applause to you for not loosing it completely!

 

In the end it’s just a freaking movie and a silly dress, but wait…. no, it’s like a year of work towards what should be YOUR perfect moment, that she ruined over a silly dress!

 

And him not giving a damn about how important it was for you to capture the memory of the two of you’s biggest life event on film so that you can look back on it in 50 years from now and remember every detail of it! I really hope that he feels awful about this!

 

 

 

….sorry if this post didn’t make you feel better……

Post # 20
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wait I’m a bit confused. How did you not know what dress this woman was wearing if she came to your house to have you guys order it for her? Did your husband hide it from you? 

Post # 22
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee

Your friends aren’t vendors. You shouldn’t have asked them to do something at your wedding that was clearly so important to you. You could have prioritized it by cutting something else so you could hire a videographer. You didn’t. Your friends and their phones are not a backup solution, sorry. You’re pretty much in the wrong here about everything.

Post # 23
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

mocg2016:  Did your husband know how important it was to you that she wear a floor length dress? What I’m getting at is…was he legitimately hiding this information from you because he knew you’d be upset? Or did he not really get the importance and therefore thought it would be no big deal what she wears? 

Honestly, there’s nothing you can do about it now so there’s no point in dwelling on these minor details. No wedding goes perfectly, and that’s fine. But you need to learn to let these things go. It’s been two months. The important thing is that you’re married to a man you love. 

Post # 24
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I mean… tough love here, but the fact that you’re not focusing on your marriage and are so resentful of two very minor things should concern you. How often would you really watch the ceremony? And as others have said, your issues with your husband’s friend are more than the length of her dress, which frankly seemed appropriate to me (knee length – it may not have fit your “theme”, but it’s not like she showed up in a mini skirt or something). 

Bottom line, your resentment is bad for your marriage and you need to let it go.

Post # 25
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

mocg2016:  I agree with PPs who say this sounds more like you’re angry at your husband for not doing what you asked him to do.

As far as your friend who didn’t take the video…let me give it to you from the other side. Last weekend I traveled cross country for one of my DH’s friend’s wedding. The night before the wedding took place the groom called us and asked us to babysit the DOC’s child. Basically we understood that if no one took care of the child then the DOC couldn’t do his job properly so the bride would be upset. But yah know what? Being put to work on a day when we wanted to enjoy his wedding put a damper on the whole thing. We also got there later than we had agreed to AND left right after the ceremony because…you don’t treat your friends like hired help. So just maybe, maaaaaybe I’m thinking your friend didn’t feel comfortable with doing the video and worrying about that instead of watching you get married. Or maybe she genuinely got caught up in the moment which is what you invited her for, and wasn’t thinking about angles and lighting and steady hands (the way a vendor would).  And maaaaaybe your husband didn’t feel comfortable with treating friends as vendors.

Whatever the case though I think if this is “ruining” your memories of the wedding it’s time to reevaluate what you’re really angry about (eg. Darling Husband not following through, not having had enough money for a videographer, feeling like you’re not in control, etc.).

Post # 27
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you couldn’t afford a videographer or photographer, that’s not your friend’s fault.

Post # 28
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is why there are wedding videographers. Professional ones that aren’t your guests. Not sure why you didn’t go that route. 

Regarding the short dress, it sounds like your husband kind of dropped the ball there. One could argue that he dropped the ball a couple of times, but there’s nothing to be done now but deal gracefully. 

Post # 29
Member
6663 posts
Bee Keeper

mocg2016:  You already know you are being ridiculous. You said 99% of your wedding was perfect, making you one of the luckier people on the planet. Take some deep breaths. Make an active effort to really, really focus on all of the wonderful things that happened that day. Treat your anxiety if that’s what you need to do to stop obsessing over things you can’t change. Enjoy house hunting. 

Post # 30
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Your friends aren’t vendors, not to mention.. It’s discerning that you couldn’t enjoy your moment and instead became upset by your friend not filming you. If this was if the utmost importantance, you shouldve hired a professional. It’s just that simple. 

You can get married without a best man, his reasoning was legitimate and you could’ve proceeded without him instead of enlisting someone you already don’t like… I have a feeling that anything she did ‘wrong’ would be magnified to this degree based on your feelings towards her. 

You really need to get some perspective here… You’re married to the love of your life and two (avoidable) things went wrong.. I say you have a talk with your husband about how giving into his friend so easily made you feel and move on for good. This is a terrible way to start your lives together and you should spend some time recalling all the positive. 

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