(Closed) Can't get past the $$$. Elope?

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

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inkytoes:  

The correct answer is what feels best to you both.

 

I, likewise, would never ever ever have spent twenty grand on my wedding. Had I married a celebrity, maybe I’d feel differently.

Best wishes, Bee!

 

 

edited because the groom gets a say! 😉

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by NFLwidow.
Post # 3
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

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inkytoes:  What is it that you really want?  There are ways to make your wedding happen, if you are flexible enough.  

Post # 4
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

We didn’t want to spend a ton of money on a wedding- it was a second wedding for both of us and we both had the big hoopla the first go around. We had a small destination wedding this past March in Los Cabos, Mexico, I still wanted a wedding, but didn’t want all the drama and hoopla that goes along with it. Saving a ton of money was a bonus. We spent about 8K for our wedding for 18 people, got to spend 10 days at a 5 star resort and are going on a 2nd honeymoon in November to the Caribbean- all that cost less than what most people spend on a big wedding.

Having done the big wedding and the small wedding- I can tell you the small wedding was way more fun, more meaningful, and for us totally the way to go. I don’t regreat any of if.

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

FH and I came very close to eloping, but we wanted to take the opportunity to have a big party with our friends and family. So we dug deeper, found an off-the-beaten-path venue, a caterer they loved working with, etc. etc. and have been piecing together a modest but super-fun wedding.

You CAN have a great time without spending $$$.

It’s up to you if you want to put in the effort to do that, though. It can be hard work!

Post # 6
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

The great thing is it’s all up to you and there’s no right or wrong answer.  An amazing resource to check out weddings under $20k is Budget Savvy Bride.  It breaks down weddings at every price point.

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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inkytoes:  We had a small ceremony with just our parents at DH’s parents house and homecooked food. Later we had a bigger party with more extended family and friends, this was potluck at a hall (similar to a VFW). Both were pretty cheap but they got the job done in our eyes. We got married and celebrated it. We didn’t need all the expensive frills to be satisfied and we have no regrets. I should also add that our families are not well off, so they were not offended by a potluck party at a hall, since most people get married that way in my family anyway. 

That said, you need to do what you want. I couldn’t imagine spending 20K on a party, and if that’s you, then save that money for something else. If not, you can try to get the big party that you want in cheaper ways, as PPs suggested.

Post # 8
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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inkytoes:  Really it is only up to you and your fiancé. For my husband and me, no, a wedding was not worth the cost. I LOVE weddings, I even started my own business in the industry, but I would never, ever want one for myself. Frankly I think they are kind of insane. Even if cost is no issue, I could always think of better things to do with $10-20k. Or even $5k. A wedding just never mattered to me, so I wouldn’t want to spend any money on one.

Also I’ve seen so many brides be disappointed or depressed when the big day is over. Why spend all that money and deal with all the drama and work, and end up with just the photos to show for it?

In my personal and professional experience in the industry, I’ve seen exactly one wedding which I thought was worth it, where the guests and bride & groom truly enjoyed the whole thing. And that one wedding was planned almost exclusively by the groom! It was also an extremely expensive destination affair.

DH and I had an intimate wedding and a luxury vacation in one of our favourite places, and we spent about $5k total for a two week trip. We came away with a lot more memories than just one day, and our guests loved it too.

But, if a wedding is your dream, then by all means have one. There are definitely ways to make it happen for less than $20k! Just don’t do it for your friends & family, do it if YOU want it. Honestly most people don’t even really enjoy going to weddings, lol, they’re usually just obligations to people, which is kinda terrible when you think about how much money & effort goes into them.

Post # 9
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

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inkytoes:  I totally feel you! Fiance wanted the real wedding, I’d rather put the money into savings.

We’re ending up having a real-big wedding. To me, is it worth the time, money and stress? No. If I could cancel it all right now and elope, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But we’re less than 3 weeks away so no turning back now.

Will I enjoy my wedding day? I’m sure. Would I wish I invested that money into my house, or savings? Probably. That kind of money for one day seems insane to me, but Fiance and our families both wanted it. They’re paying for most of it, but I have told them I’d rather they just gave me the cash to invest instead of putting it all into just one day.

If you and your Fiance are comfortable with eloping, I’d do it. Make it about you two. Less time, money and stress. You could always have a get together later too if you wanted.

Post # 10
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

P.S., my husband and I have never for a second regretted our choice. We (and our immediate families) still think we had the best wedding ever. It was truly one of the happiest days of my life, it was super relaxed as I basically hadn’t planned anything — so there was nothing to worry about and it all went swimmingly! And we got married in a place that was really unique and special to us. I highly recommend this route. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
845 posts
Busy bee

It all depends on what you want. I always wanted a small intimate wedding with just close friends and family. None of this inviting peope I don’t know non-sense. True planning a wedding is expensive and stresfull, even for a small wedding, but it’s worth it to me. Take money out of the equation for a minute and think about what kind of wedding you want. Can you see yourself happily elioping with your Fiance, or does the thought of not having all of your friends and family there to witness your vows upset you? That’s what you need to ask. I know a lot of people who have eloped and had no regrets, but you just need to determine what sort of wedding would make you happy.

Post # 12
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

We eloped because we wanted to elope, not because we didn’t want a wedding. Eloping isn’t a step down from a wedding, it’s just a different way to get married. I think based on the language you use to describe eloping, you would regret doing it. It should be something to look forward to, not something you “just” do to save some cash!

Post # 13
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

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inkytoes:  I’m with you. We’re getting married in Kauai with ~10 guests to reduce the costs. 

Post # 14
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

There’s no right answer, but personally I cannot justify spending $20k on one day. It sounds like you think other things take priority (fixing up the house, savings, college fund for your children, retirement, etc) and I think that’s smart. You can also have a nice elopement: wear a dress, eat cake, have a fancy dinner, stay in a nice hotel and then go on a honeymoon. The most important thing is that you get to marry your love, heck, you don’t even need a ring to get married. Lol

Post # 15
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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inkytoes:  If you have a wedding I’m sure you’ll look back on it fondly…but I bet if you elope you’ll look back on that fondly too!

There is no one right answer, and no matter what you do there will always be a path less traveled.  If the thought of spending the cash is making you sick, I would SERIOUSLY consider either eloping or having an “elopment plus” where you include a few folks.  

I was so lucky to be involved in one of these for a dear friend a few weeks ago and it was totally romantic and dreamy and fun.  The whole thing was planned on 3 weeks notice, included only 7 people, and was really low key yet super special

In this day and age there is no one way to get married and you CERTAINLY don’t have to spend $20,000 to do it if you don’t want to!

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