Can't get serious with a guy I really like… because of his live in mom.

posted 2 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Nope. I wouldn’t do it. She is an adult, he is an adult. That is setting yourself up for a hellish life. He needs to cut the apron strings and she needs to have her own life.

Post # 2
180 posts
Blushing bee

No, you’re not selfish.  That’s not normal and not worth your time.

Post # 4
4020 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Nope I wouldn’t be ok with that. He is at least up front that he doesnt plan to change his mind about their living arrangements. This doesnt make you selfish. 

Post # 5
8209 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Bee just stop talking to him. Dont even waste a second more time on him. Even if it were selfish (its not), who cares? Nothing has changed in the 3 years you were gone, there is no hope for this relationship. 

Post # 6
5559 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

That’s pretty ballsy of him to call you selfish when he’s trying to start something up again.

Not selfish, don’t bother trying again because nothing is different from before.

Post # 7
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

You will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of “ill have to check with her” and “we can’t do x,y,z without her, she’s lonely” 

Then there’s her reliance on him, he won’ be able to make decisions for the betterment of you as a couple because he will HAVE to consider her due to her being a financil tie.

As the saying goes … wouldn’t touch that with a 50ft barge pole

Post # 8
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You aren’t selfish. Their behavior and relationship is extremely abnormal. It is definitely one thing for her to be living with him if she were ill or physically disabled, or if it were temporary as she is trying to get back on her feet. But, 3+ years and she refuses to work and support herself??? NOPE.

Post # 9
639 posts
Busy bee



Post # 10
651 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
preciouspriscilla :  No. He is a child himself thinking this is ok. He obviously won’t stand up for himself. 

And who wants to be raising a guy all the time to say no or not give money or things to a bum?

Post # 11
55 posts
Worker bee

I would sit down with him and really tell him that this situation is not healthy and it’s detrimental to them both and it needs to change. But just be forewarned, he will most likely take his moms side and jump right on the defensive. In that case you need to run and not look back. 

Post # 13
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Dodge that bullet, girl. There’s another thread right now about a women whose Mother-In-Law invites herself to SHARE THEIR HOTEL ROOM when she and her DH visit. Not to mention invites herself on all family trips with her family. This is a toxic setup and you can avoid that mess real easily. Hopefully if enough women decline to participate in such a codependent situation, this dude will realize that he’s enabling his mom and hurting himself, and set some boundaries. Definitely don’t let him insult you into dating him!

Post # 14
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

It’s nice he loves his mom so much ..but steer clear of this man ul always be competing with his mother and you’ll never win it’s a waste of time

Post # 15
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

No you are not selfish at all.  Why would you want to sign up to support an able bodied individual?  RED FLAG.  This is all going to come down on your head if God forbid something happens him.  This is not dodging a bullet this is dodging an ATOMIC bomb.

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