Post # 1
I met a man a few years back, we really liked each other, I was 23 and he was 24… I’m 26 now and he’s 27. We hit it off but there was an issue that was a deal breaker for me. His mom lives with him. She sleeps on his sofa, in his one bedroom apartment. She hasn’t worked in over 5 years because he supports her in every aspect. The first time we dated, she would ask if she could come out with us to dinners, was always around & there wasn’t any privacy, I moved on back then……but recently, he’s reached out , stating he wants to give it another shot. But nothing has changed with his mom living with and him supporting her. He thinks he would like for her to always live with him, I just can’t get with that. She’s able bodied, 45 years old and doesn’t want to live on her own…..& I can’t see myself being okay with that, even if it works for them.
He says I’m selfish, am I?
Post # 2
Nope. I wouldn’t do it. She is an adult, he is an adult. That is setting yourself up for a hellish life. He needs to cut the apron strings and she needs to have her own life.
Post # 2
No, you’re not selfish. That’s not normal and not worth your time.
Post # 4
Nope I wouldn’t be ok with that. He is at least up front that he doesnt plan to change his mind about their living arrangements. This doesnt make you selfish.
Post # 5
Bee just stop talking to him. Dont even waste a second more time on him. Even if it were selfish (its not), who cares? Nothing has changed in the 3 years you were gone, there is no hope for this relationship.
Post # 6
That’s pretty ballsy of him to call you selfish when he’s trying to start something up again.
Not selfish, don’t bother trying again because nothing is different from before.
Post # 7
You will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of “ill have to check with her” and “we can’t do x,y,z without her, she’s lonely”
Then there’s her reliance on him, he won’ be able to make decisions for the betterment of you as a couple because he will HAVE to consider her due to her being a financil tie.
As the saying goes … wouldn’t touch that with a 50ft barge pole
Post # 8
You aren’t selfish. Their behavior and relationship is extremely abnormal. It is definitely one thing for her to be living with him if she were ill or physically disabled, or if it were temporary as she is trying to get back on her feet. But, 3+ years and she refuses to work and support herself??? NOPE.
Post # 9
Post # 10
No. He is a child himself thinking this is ok. He obviously won’t stand up for himself.
And who wants to be raising a guy all the time to say no or not give money or things to a bum?
Post # 11
I would sit down with him and really tell him that this situation is not healthy and it’s detrimental to them both and it needs to change. But just be forewarned, he will most likely take his moms side and jump right on the defensive. In that case you need to run and not look back.
Post # 12
I agree, it seems very, very odd to me.
He was out shopping the other day, called me up, told me he found a really nice purse, for a steal….and then informed me that he would get it for me, but his mom “doesn’t have a purse”.
I was pretty much done at that point.
The selfish comment made me doubt my judgement. I’ve never even heard of any adult woman being so dependent on her children.
Raised a big red flag back then, and a bigger one now.
Post # 13
Dodge that bullet, girl. There’s another thread right now about a women whose Mother-In-Law invites herself to SHARE THEIR HOTEL ROOM when she and her DH visit. Not to mention invites herself on all family trips with her family. This is a toxic setup and you can avoid that mess real easily. Hopefully if enough women decline to participate in such a codependent situation, this dude will realize that he’s enabling his mom and hurting himself, and set some boundaries. Definitely don’t let him insult you into dating him!
Post # 14
It’s nice he loves his mom so much ..but steer clear of this man ul always be competing with his mother and you’ll never win it’s a waste of time
Post # 15
No you are not selfish at all. Why would you want to sign up to support an able bodied individual? RED FLAG. This is all going to come down on your head if God forbid something happens him. This is not dodging a bullet this is dodging an ATOMIC bomb.