- 4 years ago
Hi everyone! I always found the hive to be such a supportive community while I was planning my wedding five years ago, and now I’m facing a wedding dilemma that I felt like I wanted the hive’s input on.
My sister is engaged! And I’m over the moon excited for her. We’re close. She was my MOH, and she’s asked me to be her MOH. She’s the younger sister, and she’s always been more the flaky, disorganized type (I can say that because she’ll totally admit it) and I’ve always been super organized, type A. But she totally stepped up during my wedding and was an amazing MOH, and I was so grateful and touched by that. Anyway, here’s the issue:
She’s planning a December wedding (hasn’t set a date yet, but is very close to doing that) and I work in retail and in my work contract, it states that I acknowledge I’m not allowed to take two days off in a row during the holiday season. It sucks, but I actually really like my job, so I make it work. It’s tough to not see my family for more than a day or two at Christmas, and I know it’s hard on all of them, too.
I recently told my sister that if she got married in December, my schedule during her wedding would pretty much be: arrive late the night before so probably miss the rehearsal dinner, be there all day on the wedding day, and then have to leave either right after the wedding or early the next day, to be back at work. Her wedding will be either three hours away from where I live in our hometown, or out of state, and I would have to fly there.
I can tell she’s really upset and stressed about this, and while she’s not giving me a really hard time about it, she’s not exactly making me feel okay about it. My mom is giving me a HUGE guilt trip about it, siding with my sister saying that because it’s family and my sister’s wedding, I should do whatever it takes to spend more time with her at Christmas. And here’s the thing: I totally understand! If I were my sister, I’d be upset, too. It kills me that I’m in this situation because I want to be an amazing and supportive MOH to take away some of the stress she’ll experience and just be there for her as much as possible that weekend. I hate that I’m causing her stress. It’s not my family’s fault that I work where I do, and that I have to abide by their policies.
I have talked to my boss about it, and while they sympathize, my company is just really strict about the holiday season, which I also totally understand! We actually get a lot of extra float holiday time the rest of the year because the holidays are so strenuous, so I get quite a bit of vacation time compared to most people. But, that means I really have no life during the holiday season due to very long days with malls extending their hours and everyone being spread so thin.
I’m just in a really tough spot. I feel awful that I had to tell my sister this, and I’m upset with my mom for not being more understanding and almost ganging up on me with my sister (they’ve always been a little more close than I am with my mom, unfortunately, which is a whole other story). I love my mom and we’re close in a lot of ways, but I’m just hurt by that, to be honest. I can’t quit my job to attend a wedding, you know?
But, like I said, I totally understand where they’re coming from, and I don’t like the situation either. I guess part of me wishes my mom, at least, would say something like, “well, it is what it is and we’ll all have to be understanding and make it work.” I wish I didn’t have to put my sister in this situation, either. It just sucks.
I should also note that my sister lives out of state (a good plane ride away) so I only see her 2-3 times a year, and sometimes only hours at Christmas. So when it comes to weddings, my family is really big on everyone getting together for a few days beforehand and really celebrating. For past family weddings, I’ve gone home for 2-3 days before the rehearsal dinner and stayed a day after, which is what I was planning on doing for this one until I found out it was in December.
I partially just wanted to vent, and partially wanted to know if anyone has ever been in this situation before and how it turned out?
Anyhoo, thank you all for reading!