Can't go to BIL wedding

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
761 posts
Busy bee

chelbell23 :  Ahh – I don’t think the threat is credible – surely the divorce would be more embarassing. That being said, I agree the husband’s behavior is unacceptable.

Post # 17
317 posts
Helper bee

I’m curious what happened to cause such an extreme rift between you & Brother-In-Law that you barely tolerate each other… no doubt everyone is aware of this dynamic, and perhaps the reason they are having a hard time accepting work as an excuse not to attend. 

Your husbands threat to divorce you is both immature and manipulative. Does he give you ultimatums like this often?


Post # 19
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

maggiek123 :  Man, sounds like a sticky situation bee! I haven’t experienced this in my own circle but it sounds like there may be some cultural or belief differences between your family/friends and mine. I completely agree with everything the other bees said. One alternative option depending on your work place and relationship with coworkers would be to see if someone who has vacation time planned would possibly be able to move it. Of course you would have to approach this extremely carefully so that you didn’t hurt feelings or make anyone angry but have you seen if this is an option? Don’t ask someone who has bought tickets or has plans. I’m talking about if you have a coworker who has a staycation planned. If by some miracle someone agrees to cover for you make sure you do something to thank them (like covering for them on other days or getting them some sort of thank you gift). But then again… if you don’t like the brother in the first place I don’t really think you should have to bend over backwards to be there for him.

Post # 20
1285 posts
Bumble bee

Is there some cultural differences at play?

Post # 21
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

my husband explains that I’m at work but told me he shouldn’t have to explain himself and  I should be there when he needs me.”


I ditto other PPs and think you guys need counseling.  Why is your husband placing his family ahead of you? (Not to mention the divorce comment from your first post).

Post # 22
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Lmaooooo no advice, just came to say THEY’RE CRAY CRAY. You don’t pay my bills but want me to quit my job for someone’s wedding who doesn’t even like me…yeah ok 

Post # 23
1054 posts
Bumble bee

maggiek123 :  Is it normal in your culture for the wives to not work? Otherwise I can’t understand how no one ever has any commitments. 

I’m sorry you are in this situation, but my experience is that the more you give in, the more they expect you to, and the more angry people become when you finally put your foot down. If you don’t give in, eventually people will accept you can’t always be there and that becomes the new normal. Obviously your husband needs to support you. I really don’t think he will divorce you over this, but if you quit your job he will expect you to do the same with the next job. 

Post # 24
6999 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You don’t need a new job, you need a new husband and set of ILs. If your husband would divorce you over attendance at his brother’s wedding….you don’t need him. 

Post # 25
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

maggiek123 :  What?! Your husband would literally divorce you over something this small and over one freaking issue? I’m assuming you guys have had marital issues in the past because if he is threatening divorce over this one issue I would question if he is of sound mind? I’m not asking that to be smart I’m asking that because that is nuts to me! Hell if someone was just be and gf and they threatened to break up with their partner over that I would think that is nuts let alone divorce.

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