Post # 1
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
My Grandad passed away last year March 26. We all knew it was coming… and it got to the stage where my aunty was telling us that we better fly over to see him before it’s too late… so me my little brother and mum flew back home to NZ for a week (mum stayed for 2) at the start of March… i hadn’t seen Grandad since mums wedding which was 2007… and back then he was only just start to get really forgetful, i had heard that he was getting really bad but when we got over there it wasn’t what i was expecting.
I honestly don’t even know if he knew who i was… he couldn’t talk much mainly just mumble. Nana had to put him into a home as he was getting too much for her to look after him… after greeting him for the first time in the home he just kindda looked at me with blankish eyes… it hurt so much.. i walked outside and burst into tears, it really wasn’t the man i used to know. there would be a few sparkles of his normal self come through… like mum went to take a photo of me and my aunty and grandad and he pulled a face… but apart from those few seconds it just wasn’t him… me and my brother flew back to Australia… mum said that it was good thing we left when we did as he got worse after we left. after mum flew back he passed away the following week (it was actually after my other uncle who lives in Australia visited him to… kindda like he was waiting to see everything before he left.
That was extremely heartbreaking for me… and still is…. typing this is really hard holding back the tears… i’m at work so yeah really hard!
anyway…. my godfather is moments…days.. away from dying. he recently was told he has cancer of the stomach… he down to about 30kgs now. last time i saw him was back in 2005 and he would have been about 100kg… maybe… and in the last 3months that we have known about this he has dropped from 80 to 30.
My godmother has said she just lays in bed and watches him, excepting his next breath to be his last. I can’t imagine how she is feeling just waiting for her husband to die…. knowing there is nothing you can do. and knowing he is in pain.
I cried myself to sleep last night. i’m so heartbroken. I dont know how i’m going to handle the news when he actually does pass away.
Like Grandad we were expecting it and i was sad and thinking that i would be fine because i knew its coming… but i wasn’t, i was a mess. i was at work when mum called to break the news…. my partner left work to come pick me up from work.
I sent a letter recently to my godparents with photos.
She said that he’s outta breath after one sentence… he doesn’t get outta bed now.
this is horrible….and i guess it’s also making me question my faith. I’m not chruch going bible reading christian but i believe…. and this situation is making me think… why would God let anyone die in such a slow and painful way?
I’m not looking for answer… just venting.. and i guess looking for some comfort.
If you still reading…. thank you for listening
Post # 3
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
I am so sorry for all your loss and grief this last year! Its a terrible thing to lose those we love. My Uncle was told he only had 1-4 days to live when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer this last November. He ended up living almost 3 months. 3 months may not seem like a lot to most people, but when you know time is limited, 3 months is a blessing. *hugs* I do hope you too get the gift of more time.
Post # 4
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m really sorry for your loss. I’m not Christian (was raised Jewish, beliefs are more deistic/agnostic), but I think there’s a continuum on how active people believe God (or whatever overarching power there is) can be in everyday life. Just because there is pain and suffering in this world doesn’t mean that there’s not something more, or something better, or something after…
*hugs*
Post # 5
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
He was told at Christmas he has 6months.
I just wish i had the time/money to fly to NZ to see him one last time. I sent a letter to them both and sent a whole bunch of photos of me and Craig and the kids and a few of me and my brother.
Post # 6
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
i know that nothing I can say – or anyone here for that matter – can make things any easier for you. I totally understand what you’re going through – truly, the 4 months surrounding the September 11th attacks I dealt with 4 deaths – 1 including my great-aunt/godmother who I loved more than anything and still to this day regret not having seen more before she passed and a good friend from high school who died a day after the attacks in a car accident. Needless to say that was a bad time. BUT time does heal all. Just remember that (hopefully you are religious) that there is a much better place waiting for them where they will no longer be in any pain or suffering. I know that’s not something you want to hear – you want them to stay here with you – but truly you want them to not suffer anymore.
And – the way I’ve always believed, while some things here on earth make no sense at all – eternal peace in heaven is worth what one may have to endure on earth. I am not saying that to make you mad (hopefullly it doesn’t) but more try and help put you at peace.
anyways – just wanted to send you (((((HUGS))))) and hope you feel better!!!
Post # 7
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
Sorry to hear your situation 🙁 Can I do anything to help? I am in NZ – Auckland.
Suxs being so far away huh, I know its only a 3 hour flight but its the costs when you have a wedding fast approaching huh.
Post # 8
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
@nzbride… yes just move NZ just close enough that i can jump over there…. lol!
@junebride – thank you.. its knowing he is suffering this much that hurts the most… i know it may sound horrible but i wish his pain to end sooner that later. He can’t eat anything… i know my godmother isn’t eating much or anything at all… i mean i can understand not wanting to eat when your loved one can’t.
HA i have no make up on now… cried it all off… damn being at work and feeling like this. *fingers crossed no one asks me whats wrong*
Post # 9
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I’m so sorry for your loss and the illness of your godfather. That is just so hard to deal with.
Post # 10
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
Will see what I can do….. lol
Post # 11
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
aswell as not getting proper sleep because of my SO i’m also running on energy because i’m emotional worn out. I try to tell myself not to think about it because it upset me to so much i can’t really do anything when i think about it… BUT IT WONT STOP ARGH!
Post # 12
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
I am so sorry, my prayers are with you. Loss of those we love is hard.
Post # 14
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
i totally get the suffering thing…honestly – as much as it hurt me when my grandmother died – it was such a relief to all of us that she was no longer in pain. She suffered literally 3 heart attacks a year (if not more) for almost 10 years before she passed…my mother had the hospital on speed dial on her cell phone!
we cried. it sucked more than anything – but at the same time – after she passed on and the mourning was over the wave of relief my mother and I felt (and i’m sure others did too) that she was no longer in pain was awesome. But I admit even to this day, 6 years later – I still mourn when I think about how much I miss her.
I wish for you to feel better and don’t let what is happening affect your health. you need to be strong for yourself as you KNOW that’s what he’d want.
Post # 15
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Ugh, sometimes lifes sucks, ya know? I’m so sorry. I’ve dealt with quite a bit of death in my life, particularly when I was in school. First my maternal grandpa died (on my birthday no less), then 3 years later my paternal grandpa (who I was very close to), then 2 mo later my uncle, then 3 years later my maternal grandma, then 2 years later my paternal great grandma. So I guess my point is… I kind of know where you are. And it sucks. And it doesn’t get easier.
There is some SMALL part of you that needs to be relieved that he will be out of his suffering, because it isn’t fair to him to live like that. But its totally normal to be angry at the world, at the universe, even at God for making him sick at all. Its not fair that some die young and some live to be 100. Its not fair that some people lose more people they care about than others. Time does heal some wounds, but there are STILL days over a decade later that I miss one of the people I’ve lost so much. Lean on your family and friends. Cry when you need to. I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 16
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
he passed away last night not long after 8:30pm
My godmother said that she lay down with him and cuddled into him… he passed away not long after. I’m glad he was in the arms of a loved one when he died.
I’ve very upset but glad he is no longer in pain.
He is speedway (racetrack) in heaven driving his sprint car.
RIP!!! you will always be loved and missed dearly <3
