Can't handle FI's "friendships" anymore

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
5917 posts
Bee Keeper

DH’s female friends include a few he’s slept with in the past, but they’re now long-time platonic friends and nice women so I don’t have issues. 

I would, however, feel uncomfortable with the woman who professes to still have feelings for your fiance, I think it’s weird and suspicious she’d tell him (and you? not clear who she said this to) rather than keep this to herself, saying this out loud gives it a ‘testing the waters’ feel to it. Also side-eyeing that she reassured you/him?? that she wouldn’t do anything about it- I find that off-putting, as though she’s saying she could get something going if she tried but she won’t try so no worries???

BUT I’d hardly call her a ‘close friend’ of your fiance’s if he hasn’t seen her in person and has minimized their contact. It sounds like you have a good guy there- he doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable and he wants to be respectful of you, so he’s keeping her at arm’s length without being mean to her, because she’s added a dimension of awkwardness to their friendship. 

Post # 17
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

kristin36890 :  Good point, I took it to mean this thread and it could have been more of a history sort of statement.

Post # 18
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

one more for find someone who’se feelings on whether or not people can be close friends with exes and whether or not people can be close friends with people of the other sex in general lines up with your own.

You deserve to not have to deal with the stress of this for the rest of your life.  He deserves to keep his friends.  Not all relationships end because someone is in the wrong.

Post # 19
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

anoniminty :  Nope, would not be able to deal or want this in my relationship.  If I were you, I’d be honest about the issue, apologize, and end the relationship.  The deal breaker for me is the ex of 7 years. 

Post # 20
Hostess
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I am friends with people I have slept with in the past. Darling Husband knows and is fine with it. I chose him. I married him. I actively choose him every day. One of DH’s best female friends is a long term ex. It doesn’t make us horrible people. We are people who communicate effectively and have opinions that align. I think where you have gone wrong is that you have chosen someone who’s opinions aren’t in line with yours and now you expect him to change. Is that really fair to either of you? He is totally allowed to have those friendships. And you are totally allowed to go find someone who doesn’t believe in maintaining those kinds of friendships. I feel like this is a pretty fundamental difference and you both deserve to have someone who is on the same page as you. 

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