(Closed) can’t handle other people’s engagments :(

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I know, especially when they have been together for less time. It’s like, why can’t my man pick me me me!

Post # 5
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@alwaysamaid: Aww 🙁 I know EXACTLY how you feel. I think every waiting girl does. No matter how close of a friend someone is, it is really difficult to be happy for someone when they get what you really, really want. I went through this with my best friend, who got engaged three months before me. It was tough, but I didn’t let her know that it bothered me and I got over it really quickly (like a couple days). It doesn’t make you a bad person for feeling this way, so don’t let that add onto your feeling upset. I’m sure lots of other waiting bees can relate to this story and will be able to make you feel better.

Post # 6
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I know how you feel. It’s awful especially it makes you feel like a bad person for feeling the way you feel. I was upset at my friends wedding a month ago, but I was happy for my friend, just got upset at how it’s not my turn yet. You are not alone.

Post # 7
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I know how you feel and I think it’s completely normal.  As long as you’re able to hide those emotions when you’re face to face, anyway.  Waiting sucks.  Just try to count your blessings in the meantime. 🙂

Post # 8
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I, too, know just how you feel! One of our good friends just got engaged on Wednesday and as happy and excited and THRILLED I am for them- I just want it to be me already!

And of course, their wedding is going to be in 2013… the same year my SO and I want to get married, AND the same year another couple we know has a date…so of course I don’t want it to look like we’re being copycats.

Post # 9
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It can be really painful. I know how you feel. I remember when I was dating my ex-boyfriend, we had been together for nearly four years when I found out a friend of mine who had only been dating her boyfriend eight months was engaged. I felt so upset. It’s like I could ignore the issues in my own relationship up until the fact that we were not yet engaged was thrown in my face. 


I’m sure you know this already, but don’t let your friend see how upset you are. Always put on a happy face and do your best to be there for her. I would hate to get engaged only to find out a close friend was miserable. Your time will come!! 

Post # 10
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012


I use to feel this way too…yet then again I waited 9 years for my rock.

Honestly…I found out one of my friends had a similar reaction when we got engaged. I honestly felt shocked bc I figured, how could anyone not be happy that it finally happened for me. I spoke to her in person (we live in diff states) about 8 months after our engagement regarding her 4 year relationship….you know what that b said?

Her: If anyone should be engaged right now it should be us (meaning her and her boyfriend)…I mean I don’t know anyone that has waited longer than me

Me: well what about me, I dated my fi for 9 years

Her: “Most of your relationship doesn’t count, it like you haven’t been dating long at all”

Me: oh really, why?

Her: well you started dating as seniors in high school and then the next 4 years went to different colleges so those years don’t count

Me: oh I see

Me (what I wanted to say): listen up b….yeah we started dating in high school…so what?….yeah we didn’t go to the same college, but wasn’t I there living with him thurs-sun those four years every weekend?….and what about these past 4 years that we have lived together post college?…do those not count? because last time I checked they should count more than your “4 year relationship” where he did not even officially call you his girlfriend until year 3….ok b? Point is you can’t compare any relationship so don’t go calling my relationship non exsistant for most of the years because even if you remove all my fake years, we still have been dating longer than you and your boy…oh and thanks for being such a great friend.

Anyway, the only reason why I didn’t to say what I wanted to say was because I remembered how I felt in that position.Trust me…it was hard for me to show restraint…I was drunk at this point and wanted to say what was on my mind.

If it is any consolation for you or others waiting for long periods….I was convinced I would not ever feel excited about the engagement because I thought all of the fun was sucked out waiting. I was wrong. I was completely surprised and acted like a gitty school girl when it happened. I don’t even care that I waited so long.

Hope you all waiting have it happen soon.

Post # 11
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@August252012: OMG!!! How rude of your “friend” to say that! That sounds very immature and high school-ish. Ugh. I hope you two aren’t friends anymore, or at the very least she apologized!

Post # 12
387 posts
Helper bee

Trust me, we are the LAST of our friends to get engaged and the pressure is on, poor Mr. LR.  Our best friends got engaged A YEAR AGO, and we SET THEM UP!  But, I just tell myself that everything happens for a reason, my proposal will be amazing, my ring will be amazing, my man IS amazing, and my wedding will be amazing.  Not to mention my marriage, which will rock!  I also look at the positives, let them all get married first and all within a few months of each other.  I’ll just blow them out of the water when it’s my turn!

Post # 13
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I totally know how you feel too. It’s hard because you feel bad about being sad, even though you’re really happy for your friend. But it’s ok to cry, or do whatever else you need to wallow for a bit. Afterwards, you pick yourself up, and remember how happy your friend will be for you when it’s your time. Now that I’m in a better waiting place than I was, I think it’s fun to help my engaged friends bounce around wedding ideas, since it keeps me focused on them rather than my own waiting. That or I just have lots of ideas to suggest since I’m always on the bee =) Hang in there!

Post # 14
339 posts
Helper bee

I know how you feel but then I had my reality check.  Someone I go to school with proposed to his Girlfriend, I think they have been dating a few years.  I was like damn I’m jealous but then I am reminded that he cheated on her MULTIPLE times.  I don’t know absolutely for sure…but I know.  I want to write her something and tell her because I would want someone to tell me….but it brought me back to reality that I will wait for something wonderful! 

Post # 15
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I totally get where you’re coming from.  Just wait until your best friend tells you she’s pregnant with her second when you’re still waiting to TTC your first (and not married).  Ugh.  It’s not easy, but you’ve pretty much gotta suck it up and act happy for her. 

For the record, my solution to the above problem was a drunken cryfest to SO….  Worked out pretty well, but your milage may vary….

Post # 16
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I just went back and read the first post from each of the posts you’ve started in your 4 months of being here. I’d suggest you maybe do the same. Is this really the person you want to be? SO incredibly focused on this one thing that it seems like you’re not even enjoying the rest of your life? 

One of two things is going to happen. 

1: Your boyfriend will eventually propose whenever he feels like it becaus poking and prodding him and being upset all the time are certainly not going to hurry him along. If this is the case, won’t you look back on this time and feel badly that you weren’t as excited as you could be for your friends? That you let your own impatience ruin this whole year of your life for you, really?

2: Your boyfriend will not propose and you’ll eventually break up with him. In which case you’re going to need the love and support of your friends all the more, and they’ll be more apt to be there for you if you’re really there for them now. 

Don’t let being upset with your boyfriend put a damper on your friendships, no good can come of it. Try to enjoy every aspect of your life and put your frustrations over this one thing aside for now. 

And for what its worth, I didn’t get engaged until I was with my (now) husband almost 3 years. Except I was the one dragging my feet. I just wasn’t ready for the first 2.5 years with him (after which time i signaled I was ready and he proceeded to buy a ring and propose). But if now everything between us is wonderful. I feel like if he had pressured me those first years when I was not ready I would’ve just broken up with him because I would’ve felt bad leading him on when I just was not ready and did not know when i’d be ready. And the reason I BECAME ready was because he just kept being the same wonderful person I fell in love with and then one day it all just clicked for me. 

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