Post # 1
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
Ladies, I’m in a pickle. For the past few weeks I have been thinking non-stop about sex and fantasizing. Last time we had sex was the last time I came to you ladies for advice… 2 or 3 weeks ago. The sex then was awesome and has left me fantasizing about it since. However, my Darling Husband turns me off. I can get myself all riled up and ready to go and then he’s put into the equation and I’m no longer interested.
I’ve been wanting to have this talk with him because I want sex so bad but the only person I’m “allowed” to have sex with turns me completely off. I’m afraid trying to convey that to him would upset him greatly (obviously). Help?
ETA: I’m 5 months pregnant
Post # 3
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
Why does your Fiance turn you off? Is he unattractive or something that he can change (better grooming)? He’s not telling you “no” right? You just don’t want to have sex with him?
Post # 4
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
I really have no idea how I would put that to someone. For me, sex is an integral part of my relationship. If I no longer could stomach having sex with my SO I would probably see that as the beginning of the end.
Is it something physical? Cleanliness? Something he does? Can it be fixed without just coming out and just saying “You turn me off”?
Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Yikes! I have no advice! I couldn’t imagine not being attracted to Darling Husband. Did this just start? Were you able to do it before? What’s the turn off?
EDIT: Have you tried getting drunk? I know that’s terrible, but maybe it will help you get through it.
Post # 6
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
Well, I forgot to add a pretty huge piece to the puzzle in the OP- I’m just over 20 weeks pregnant.
This literally just started. He isn’t saying no. There are more attractive men than him but I don’t think it’s his appearance. I’m fantasizing about HIM and that gets me going so I’m confused as to why my body just shuts down. I literally just dry up. We got lube to see if it would help but when we are able to actually get it in I can’t feel anything and am so disinterested. He can tell when I shut down about it and that makes him go soft so…
Post # 7
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
@lolo21: I am sorry to hear about this problem.
Have you considered mutual masterbation? From what it sounds like, you feel turned on to the thought of him and want to have sex but just can’t for whatever reason.
Maybe if you guys masterbate together, it will help you get going. Maybe the first couple of times, you can finish together like that. After you get back into the swing of things, you can again try to actually have sex together.
Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@lolo21: THAT’s A BIG PIECE TO FORGET!!! LOL
I have no answers for this. My sister said the same thing about her husband right around the same time. They didn’t have sex for her entire 2nd trimester.
Post # 9
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee
@mwitter80: No way! You are too funny. Liquid courage to the rescue 🙂
Post # 10
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
I agree with @tranquility:! Maybe you just need to switch it up a bit… and that’s definitely one way to get the spark. But also talk to him about it before you try something new 🙂
Post # 11
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
@tranquility: That’s a good idea.
Or maybe even watching some porn together? Only, assuming you are both okay with that. At 20 weeks it could also just be a psychological shift of knowing there is a baby inside of you. Like the idea of sex turns you on but when it comes time to do it you might be sort of subconciously thinking more about the changes going on in your body. I had a friend who said she was ridiculously horny her entire pregnancy but she had to mentally get past the notion of her child being “there” while her and her Darling Husband had sex. She said she could stop imagining her baby pretty much just sitting there watching them. Lol, it’s kind of funny but it happens! For what it’s worth she did get over it.
Post # 12
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
@tranquility: DH shames me for masturbating. He doesn’t view it as healthy. I’ve asked him if he masturbates and he says no. That being said, I don’t think mutual masturbation would work for us but I’ll definitely see what I can do to spice things up.
@mwitter80: Well… that would blow- no pun intended.
@Miss Lilac: I’ve suggested the porn but get the same shameful reaction from him as the masturbation topic 🙁
Post # 13
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
@lolo21: Hmm that is quite the doozy. I really hope I don’t offend you .. it is not my intention.
But, do YOU view masterbation as something shameful? I do not think that Fiance has a right to make you feel bad about something you enjoy.
With that said, it is your relationship and you guys can only define your own norms.
Best of luck.
Post # 14
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
@lolo21: Yikes. That’s a pretty big difference in ideology right there. Maybe he needs to understand that in order to keep getting action and to keep you happy he might have step out of his comfort zone a bit.
If my Fiance tried to “shame” me about masturbating he wouldn’t be my Fiance, that’s for sure. My lady bits are not reserved for his peen.
Post # 15
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
@tranquility: I don’t view it as shameful and I’ve told him repeatedly that he shouldn’t put me down for my own wants and needs. Hopefully we’ll be able to find something that works for us.
Post # 16
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
@Miss Lilac: “my lady bits are not reserved for his peen.” –I almost just spit out half my lean cuisine on my computer monitor when I read that.
As for the OP – if this wasn’t a problem before, it probably is related to your pregnancy. I wouldn’t try to force it too much; listen to your body, when it is comfortable with the idea of you having sex even though you’re growing a baby, it’ll happen.
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