(Closed) Can’t help but compare our weddings, and it’s making me anxious

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

What if you purposly make your wedding small and understated? that way its not as if your trying to be like them, its as if you don’t want anything like there. Its not about the wedding anyways its about the two of you. But I totally get what your feeling. Its to bad your weddings are so close together. What if you do a small theme, or a back yard thing, a beach theme? Im not to sure but try to be happy your about to get married! thats so exciting!! 

Post # 5
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally know where you are coming from! One of my husband’s friends got married about a month after us, and there were many of the same guests at both. Their wedding was about 4x the size of ours (350 people vs. 75), and probably cost about 10x ours easily. It was the most over-the-top and fancy event I have ever attended. I got so upset about it that I actually ended up spending part of the night crying in the bathroom (not my finest moment).  I was positive that everyone was comparing their wedding to mine, and judging mine for being smaller and cheaper.  

Afterwards, I was talking to a friend who went to both, and he told me I was being ridiculous. It never even crossed his mind to compare the two weddings–the other wedding suited that couple, and our wedding was perfect for us. He had a great time at both, and that was all that mattered to him. In the end, it’s not about the size, or the money: it’s about the amount of love and happiness in the room. Focus on that, and you will have an amazing day!

Post # 6
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@violet25:  your the smarter one, your choosing to save money, your paying for it yourseves. Why waste money on something huge for one day? its one day….. that money can go to many better things. I think big weddings are a waste. My boyfriend likes them but seriously its one day that only you and him really will remember forever. If it were up to me I would elope .. lol 

Post # 8
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I definitely know how you feel. My SIL got engaged months after our date and venue were set and then JUMPED our date, so hers was 2.5 months before ours. She claimed they had to for financial reasons (saving on rent), but then did a Maggie Sottero dress, double our guest list, had a harpist and soloist for the ceremony, a party bus, etc. So, budget my butt.

However, hers came out rather cookie cutter. Very pretty and all, but it felt rather impersonal to me (or I was just being a sour puss). Their “budget” was 3x ours we found out (well, its her parents’ money), but we have a unique venue, a more personal feel, and we’re being creative with some of the details, so it’s going to be a very different wedding (we’re 16 days out!!). We did have to put the stop on his parents from trying to make our wedding bigger and “better” like their daughters and had to explain we do not want that and do not believe going into debt for a big party and that at this point they’re offending us.

We couldn’t invite everyone that his sister did, who had the entire sorority, neighborhood, etc. We want our close family and friends there. There were tears shed over those fights, which were wasted because the extras we did allow couldn’t be bothered to RSVP until we tracked them down, and then they said no. I don’t think anyone is going to say once they are there that we should’ve done it like SIL’s. I’m actually hoping they’ll say ours was so much fun! (if not more fun … teehee)

BOTTOMLINE: It’s your wedding. If neither of you want a big fat wedding, then there is no reason why you should. And if anyone complains to you about it, just walk away and don’t worry about being rude to them, because they are being rude to you. Sorry, after my IL said they were worried I’d be too cheap and embarrass them with the wedding, I have little tolerance for that kind of behavior.

Post # 9
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Sheepshead:  Ya, a little harsh for a wedding planning blog.  😉

However, she’s totally right.  It’s really about how personal it is, not how fancy it is.  If you include affordable details that incorporate the two of you, I think you’ll be just as satisfied, if not moreso, than had you spent a ton and had a planner and blahdiblah.

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