(Closed) Can’t help but to feel hurt and helpless. . .

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Awww.. I feel like this sometimes too.. Me and FH has plan on some wedding details but so far, he hasn’t propose yet.. So I have been waiting and waiting, I’m not even sure if he would present a proposal ring!

Sometimes I just comfort myself that it would happen soon, and before long, I would be missing my single life already..

Post # 4
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

calm down!!!  My Darling Husband didn’t tell ANYONE what he was doing!  It turns out it was mostly about the money to save up for a ring.  I know its hard to hear, but try to just enjoy the relationship for what it is RIGHT NOW and not go insane waiting on a proposal!  Lots of people end up ruining fun dates and trips by expecting a proposal, so just relax and enjoy.  The important thing is that he has SAID he WANTS to marry you!  Calm down and trust him!  You don’t want to ruin this time, believe me!  Just remember that you love him and enjoy spending time together.  It will happen eventually.

ETA: parents and friends can sometimes be oblivious to what is going on. I was SO sick of those “so when are you going to get married?” comments.  They don’t realize you are probably already going nuts.  Just shrug it off and say “Ask him, haha”

Post # 5
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@katiebeary:  I’m so sorry to read about your frustration and sadness. I can understand that would be so frustrating!

However, please understand he’s given you all the hints he can (he’s thinking within/about a month, it “will happen”) but still wants to surprise you….let him surprise you!!  I’d be different if he wasn’t reassuring you, but clearly he is and wants to be with you.

My Fiance asked me to marry him, without telling ANYONE and I love him to death for it.  He told me around Feb. he was going to propose to me before the end of summer…and he literally did the last day of summer at about 10pm that night.  I was so convinced it wasn’t coming by then, that it was such a wonderful surprise.

I think he wants to make a wonderful surprise for you.  Just be patient.  I know, easier said than done, but after the fact you may feel differently.  At least give him until the end of the year (or maybe summer?!) and then maybe it’s time for a talk…

Thinking of you, dear!! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

All the men I’ve met have told me that proposing was the scariest thing they’ve ever done…even if they know the answer.  Men are pretty sensitive about proposing so they don’t talk about it with friends or family.  Basically, they are scared s**tless!  

Since your Boyfriend or Best Friend says he is going to, I’m sure he’s just having that internal struggle of wanting to do the right way.  DH chickened out of proposing to me in front of his family at a restaurant…so he did it in the parking lot in front of his brother.  And he was 30 at the time.  

I’m sure you’ll be posting your proposal story here soon….I promise! 

Post # 7
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Men just need time to plan a proposal, and to go over it in their heads and make sure it’s perfect.  I was in the same situation, I moved hundreds of miles to be with my fiance last summer before we were engaged.  We had talked about marriage and basically set a date for the wedding– we decided that we would get married this May.  We had started talking about rings last April, and I expected a proposal in the fall at the latest… I started getting antsy, we were still sticking to May for our wedding date, but there was no ring in sight.  We talked about it several times and I understood that he just wanted the proposal to be perfect, but I was impatient.  He finally proposed in December, and it turned out that it had taken him many MONTHS to pick out the perfect ring, and then he held onto it for another month trying to plan to perfect way to propose.  I was never really worried that it wasn’t coming, I just didn’t know why it had to take so long!  So don’t worry, I’m sure he’s just trying to plan a proposal that he thinks is worthy of you!  Men usually consider the proposal a bigger deal than the wedding, so let him do it his way.

Post # 8
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@katiebeary:  Agh, waiting is so tough! I totally understand how you feel. My SO and I went ring looking 2 months ago and all I’ve been told is that it will happen but it’s going to be a surprise. Usually I’m ok with waiting for a surprise, but this one will change my life in a huge, wonderful way and I don’t want to wait anymore! My mom thinks she knows his plan, but I seriously doubt anyone really does. 

The lesson I’m learning right now is that I NEED to let him do this without my interference. Proposing to a woman is scary for these guys and us trying to get them to spill when they are going to do it doesn’t help them at all. 

So while it feels like it’s never going to happen and it’s driving you nuts, try to relax and not think about it. Enjoy your relationship for what it is at this very moment. Find some more hobbies, spend more time with your friends, and focus on being the very best person you can be. He WANTS to marry you, you’ve talked it through and now your part is done. The ball is in his court and you have to let him do it the way he wants to. Especially since he is stubborn!! 

Now, if the proposal doesn’t come in a timely manner, then maybe a conversation is in order. Give in a few more months, and if he still hasn’t done it, maybe you can express how frustrated you are. Hope this helps!!

Post # 9
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@texasbee:  100% agree with this posting. 

Men are indeed scared s**tless of proposing, they have very tender egos, and are terrified even in a “sure thing” that they may be humilated, or turned down. 

To them there isn’t a feeling of relief, until the moment that their beloved says YES.  Then look out, they’ll be cocky with pride.  Telling their story over and over again to anyone who will listen.  How they planned it all out so ingeniously… how they totally had you fooled, and caught off guard.  Indeed the Wedding and all its planning is OUR Moment, the Proposal and the Honeymoon are theirs.

By The Way, the only other moment in life that men are similarly terrified, is when their wives give birth.  They are totally freaked out by the experience, and WHAT IF something goes wrong for you or the baby.  And handing a newborn to a first time Dad is an experience in its self, they are so scared s**tless that they mightl drop the baby or “break” it.

Kind of funny, in a way as that would never happen (they too have a strong parental instict to protect their off-spring at any cost) … but really sweet at the same time.

These are most certainly times when we as their Girls / Partners have to be MORE conscious of their frailities and fears (although they’d never admit them). 

I’d also add that you shouldn’t push the issue of the Proposal.  It will happen in time.  But I did like the post that suggested the next time his Parent’s bring it up, that you shrug it off and laugh with some cutesy remark… my choice would be “Don’t ask me… I’m just the Catcher in this game… he’s the guy throwing the curve balls”

 

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