Post # 1
I’m reaching out to the waiting bees for this one. We’ve been together for 4 years, living together for almost two. I know marriage is in the cards and he is basically saving for a ring. Where he is on that? I’m not sure but I don’t want to seem like a pushy psycho. I digress. When people ask, “when are you guys getting married?” or “what are you waiting for” or make other rude comments like “i guess he’s not ready,” lately, I have not been doing well at hiding my frustration about it. I used to be very good about saying, “oh we’re fine, when it happens it happens” etc. but lately I feel like people can read on my face that I am unhappy about the situation. I don’t want to be pitied or for people to think there are problems in the relationship. Any tips or advice on how you handle this?
Post # 3
Can you just say “we’re talking about it but it’s still in the early stages of discussion” or something along those lines? Usually, when people ask the question, they’re not looking for “we’re getting married next year!” it’s more “we’ve talked about it happening in the not so distant future.”
Also, if you answer that way, you may not have an unhappy look on your face b/c you’ll be focusing on the fact that you are going to marry this guy someday, not that he hasn’t given you a ring yet.
Hope that helps!
Post # 4
One of the Bees posted something on this and how she ended up ruining her proposal. I can’t remember who it was, but it was a really good post.
Post # 5
You can tell them that it’s in the future. But I also think you need to talk to him about where he is and if he’s planning on doing something any time soon. You both need to be on the same page!
Post # 6
Wow. I read your post and I felt like it was me, with a few exceptions. We’ve been together almost 6 years, living together for two years this month. Everyone thought we were the next to get married, well, low and behold my brother got engaged last month to a girl he’d been dating for a little under 2 years with a big expensive ring. There was a little bit of pressure from family and friends prior to my brother’s engagement, and now BOOM! Everyone wants to know when we’re getting married, if we’re getting married, so on and so forth. Even our local florist asks me when she’s going to get to do the flowers for my wedding. I feel really bad for SO because he was planning on proposing sometime this year, and has been saving money for a ring for a long time, but after seeing her ring I think he feels inadequate, and I’ve told him I want nothing near as big, but he knows that my ring will be compared to hers and I think that makes him feel self conscious that he can’t afford a 15,000 dollar ring. It’s just a HUGE mess. And now I too am getting frustrated with people asking me. It’s gotten to the point where cousins won’t even ask me anymore, they’ll ask my sister. I definately think that esqbee’s response sounds like a really good idea. I think I’ll try to use that, because we have talked about it, and we know we’re getting married at some point. Oh my… glad to get that off my chest.
Post # 8
I feel your pain. We hadve been together for 5 years and living together for 1 1/2 years. People are ALWAYS asking when we are going to get married. I just tell them when the time is right it will happen.
It doesnt help much that his YOUNGER(23) brother proposed to his girlfriend(22) but they ended up breaking up.
Post # 9
Wow! I really think you might actually be me posting this! My boyfriend and I have also been dating for 4 years and living together for 2. When people ask me when we are getting married I usually just say “someday” and smile. Then they get the idea that we’ve talked about it and we will get married someday, we just don’t have a definite timeline yet!
Post # 10
I posted on this a couple weeks ago- family and friends prying about the upcoming engagement/marriage. I got a few good responses.
For me I guess I now just try to let them know that it will be happening, sometime soon, but it’s sort of up to the guy. I guess I just try to channel my energy into the excitement I’ll feel when he does ask instead of the negative feelings waiting for it to happen – especially for the sake of others.
Post # 11
Oh man! I have been dating for 4 years, living together for two and I have the itch to get married so badly. I am trying to focus on how fun it will be to be surprised but darnit I am sick of waiting. I wish these guys weren’t so mysterious about this.
Post # 12
You should read Mr. Bee’s 3 step plan to getting engaged. He’s pretty inciteful 🙂
Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan (and Backup Plan!) for getting engaged
Post # 13
Ugh, I can understand that one! I have some family members that I believe get some sort of twisted pleasure by nagging me about it every time they see me. What I have started to do is I smile and say they will know as soon as I know. If they keep pressuring, I just answer back with a question.
I truly believe that 95% of the people who ask are just trying to be nice, or start conversation. I try to remind myself of that. Of course, then there’s that 5%. I would love to say something back, like, “I don’t know, but how’s that weight loss/rebounding from divorce/other sensitive area in your life going?”, but that would be snarky.
Post # 14
@TheFutureMcBride: I think this is the post you’re talking about? http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/07/01/how-the-octopi-got-engaged-a-cautionary-tale/ (and yeah, all waiting bees should definitely give it a read.)
Post # 15
I usually just respond by saying something like “we’re working on it”. It’s true but also vague and gives the true impression that is is something you guys have discussed and both yet, but for some reason (that’s none of their business) you are’t entirely there yet.
Also, if finances are the only thing holding him back, maybe mention you would like a smaller ring or non-diamond (only if those are true options for you though). That may make it sooner he can afford the ring. Or else if you are comfortable with him proposing without the ring, let him know that.
Post # 16
Thanks, bees! I have made it clear that I am cool with no ring or a smaller ring, or non-diamond ring. It’s important to him though that he do it his way. So I backed off. I can understand where he’s coming from. Thanks for the advice!