(Closed) Can't pick a dress because my mom passed away…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Which dress to honor my mom?
    Linda (the one she really loved) : (21 votes)
    15 %
    Isabella (the one which I have a picture of her with me in this dress) : (116 votes)
    85 %
  • Post # 3
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Honestly, for which looks better, I like the second one.

    That being said, if there is a much more important and emotional reason to wear the first one, you will certainly shine in it more, knowing it is the dress for you. It seems your mom wanted you to be happy with what you choose.

    Also, your wedding is over a year away. Perhaps waiting a month or two and re-visiting dress shopping might give you a good break to grieve. Ask your salon when the lastest the dress order can be placed, and perhaps give yourself a month before that to start shopping again.

    Post # 4
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m so sorry to hear about your mom  =o(  I’m sure she’s smiling down on you and thinking “I hope that girl gets whichever dress she loves!”  Moms are like that.  She’ll think you’re beautiful no matter which dress you choose, and she’ll be beside you through your whole wedding day (and during the entire planning process).  I’m sure you won’t regret either choice and I’m positive she will be happy with either one.  That being said, I personally think the Isabella is more flattering on you  =o)  Good luck and lots of love.

    Post # 5
    1813 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @Greyshadowfax:  I am so sorry for your loss.  I can’t even start to imagine how difficult it must be for you.

    With regards to the dress, before i even scrolled down, I did kind of think it would be lovely for you to have a photo of you in the dress with your mother, and when I saw both dresses, I think the second one looks fantastic on you, and will be even more special because of that precious photo.

    Sending you big hugs!

    Post # 6
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I second the waiting another month or so to make a decision.  Focus on taking good care of yourself right now and allowing yourself to grieve for your mother in whatever healthy way you need to.  You still have over a year to worry about wedding planning.  And with some time you will start feeling more excited about planning and actually look forward to your wedding.  If you haven’t already, think of ways you can honor your mother on your big day.  See if there is any jewelry of hers you could possibly wear that day or have as a charm on your bouquet.  Find a picture of her that you love and consider buying a really nice frame  to display somewhere at your reception. 


    My grandmother passed away on my birthday  this past March and I felt weird talking about wedding planning with family at her funeral when they asked about it.  I still did some planning but def didn’t have my heart in it for a several  weeks after her passing.    To honor her at my wedding I’m wrapping a rosary of hers around the base of my bouquet and displaying an awesome picture I found of her and my grandfather on their wedding day(candid shot of them just looking so happy that day).



    I am sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to eventually find joy in planning and looking forward to your wedding. 


    Btw…I like the second dress

    Post # 7
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @takemyhand:  Agreed.

    I love the look of the Isabella on you a lot. And I also agree with some other pp’s with the suggestion that taking a couple of months off would be a good thing for you. You should take some time to grieve for the loss of your mother. I am really sorry to hear of your loss, I can’t even imagine what you are going through.

    Post # 8
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m so sorry you lost your mom.

    It sounds like the problem is basically this: you want to wear the dress she loved, but you also want to have a picture with you and your mom when you’re wearing your dress (and it doesn’t make it any easier  that lots of other people love the dress that you’re wearing in the picture).

    For me, I think I would probably choose to wear the dress she loved because that would make me feel closer to her on the wedding day. And of course, always cherish the picture anyway.

    But that may not be the same for you, and I think you should do whichever will make you feel better.

    (FWIW, I actually prefer the Linda, at least from the photos here.) 


    Post # 9
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    My condolences and sending lotsa hugs your way!

    I agree with the bees suggesting that you take a break from the wedding planning. Just as there’s a time to celebrate, there’s also a time to grieve.. and that time is now.

    I really like the Isabella on you more and I thought this dress is a little more special just because you have a photo with your mum in this dress. The color is more flattering on you as well. I believe when you have found the right dress, you will be smiling ever so brightly at the reflection of yourself in the mirror. Thus, I don’t think Linda is the dress for you. When you are happy with the dress you picked, there is not a doubt that your mum would be just as happy for you too! 

    Post # 10
    2556 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I am so, so sorry for your loss!!  I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now.

    I voted Isabella because it’s very stunning on you.  Also because you have a picture of you and your mother in it.

    Post # 11
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m so sorry for you loss. Sending big hugs your way.

    I voted for Isabella because it looks fantastic on you and I like to think that you have picture of your mother and you in it. Very special.


    Post # 12
    1417 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Greyshadowfax:  I’m so sorry for your loss! You are being so strong and your mom is absolutly going to be with you on your wedding day and planning! HUGS!

      I think you should go for which every dress you love. If you feel you love the first one because your mom did, then go for it! I think both are beautiful on you!

    Post # 13
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    Oh honey I’m so very sorry.  I lost I’m mom this year too and it’s the deepest, most profound thing for a girl to lose her mother.  My heart breaks for you that she won’t be with you at your weddiNg.  Sometimes life is really not fair.  I like the idea ofswearing a dress she saw you in.  Pick which ever makes you feel more special.  I personally love the idea of the Isabella since you have a picture together of that and I love it on you.  I’m sure she thought you we’re beautiful in both.

    Post # 14
    8883 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I am so sorry for your loss *Hugs*

    I personally love the 2nd one more, but the 1st dress is also beautiful and you look nice in it too. If she truly loved that dress, go for that one.

    Post # 15
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I am so sorry for your loss! Your mother must have been so happy that she at least got to see you trying on gowns :). I agree that taking some time to grieve is a good idea. I think they both look lovely on you, though I prefer the second one. And agree with PP that she’s looking down hoping you get what makes YOU happy, because you’ll be beautiful and honoring her regardless!

    Post # 16
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom. That must be so incredibly difficult. Sending lots of hugs your way.

    Your mom would have been happy with either choice – she told you to get the one you love, so that is what you should do. I know it’s not a clear answer, but she would want you to be happy with your choice.  I think you look beautiful in both, but I do prefer the second dress. Do you love this dress? If not, don’t get it.   You do not have to get a dress she saw you in (though I understand why you would want to).  If it were me, if I loved the 2nd one, I would probably go with that one since my mom and I had a picture in it.  If I didn’t love it though, I would chose another one – whichever one feels right in your gut is the one you should go with – no matter if it’s one you have a picture with her in, or the one you think she loves, or one she never saw.  You’ll be beautiful in anything you wear! 

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