Post # 1
I’ll try and keep this short but its quite a story. Me and my ex were friends to start of with and spent most of our time together up until we fell in love and decided to be together. After that however he decided to tell me he didnt have the same beliefs as me which was a shock as nothing of the topic was ever mentioned before. I did continue to be with him and we were together for 3 years. During that time he never really was open about his beliefs and i didnt pressure him into talking about it either, he on the otherhand planned days out and gave expensive thoughtful presents and planned to propose etc however at the same time was very indecisive about us having a future and would tell me he loves me and wants to marry me. Eventually he wanted to move on so i let him. Its become over a year with no contact and during that time i tried to move on but it didnt work. I’m now with somebody else in the enagament stages but still miss my ex. He was my first love and i havent felt anything for anyone else since. What should i do?
Post # 3
Well, obviouslt, don’t get engaged to this other guy. I would break things off with him and reach out to the other guy. You only live once, you don’t want to regret it.
Post # 4
He was my first love and i havent felt anything for anyone else since.
Then why are you dating/engaged to someone else? If you aren’t in love with the person you are planning to marry, you owe it to him to let him go, so he can find someone who loves him as much as he loves them.
Also, if it’s been a year with no contact, and you still can’t move on, even though you’ve dated someone else, you might want to try counseling to help you move past your previous relationship.
Post # 5
@Miss Apricot: Initially i tried to just move on and didnt really get into another relationship or find a rebound just spent time by myself. Then friends and family set me up with this guy and i gave it a go, after a while when i found myself not developing any stronger feelings i did say so but he wanted me to give it time.
I say engagement stages as even though he asked i did say no but he still wanted to try. I think the counselling is probably a good idea.
Post # 6
@EleanorRigby: I’m afraid to do that as when we were together he was far too indecisive as to wether we had a future or not and i stuck by him while he was hot and cold. In the end he chose to put himself first and i even supported that. He hasnt reached out since and i get the feeling he may have moved on.
Post # 7
Well you probably should end things with your Boyfriend or Best Friend if you have never have serious feelings for him, you owe that to him, and yourself. The sooner the better before the “engagement stages” get any more serious. If you don’t end things you should at least be honest with how your feeling and figure things out together. As far as your ex, be thankful he moved on and doesn’t try to contact you. Nothing is worse than having an ex come in and out of your life and mess with your head again right as your starting to move on. Maybe it would be helpful to talk to someone, read some books and just try and train your brain to not wonder onto your ex. Sometimes girls like to fantasize about these romantic happy endings with a former lover but that isn’t always a reality. Find yourself a real true love. Best of luck!
Post # 8
I wouldn’t reach out to your first love. You don’t want someone who doesn’t want you. He has moved on. Respect his wishes.
Don’t marry the guy you are with if you don’t feel strongly about him. There are millions of other men out there. The one you are with doesn’t seem to be the one. You have the rest of your life to date. There is no reason to commit yourself to one you feel lukewarm about. There is no deadline. It’s just life. Some women find their husbands quickly. Some women take years. Like I said, it’s just life.
By The Way – good for you for telling the current guy no! Don’t let him pressure you into saying yes if you’re not really feeling it.
Post # 9
Whatever you do, please don’t keep stringing your current guy along. He doesn’t deserve to have to be your consolation prize.
Post # 10
My heart breaks for you current SO. Please do him a favour and end things with him, he deserves to be free to meet the love of his life. That person is not you.
Second, your ex did not want a future with you, and you deserve to be with someone who does. Please remember that even though this guy was your “first love”, he was not The One, and there will be someone out there who you will love so much more than him.
It’s easy to fantasise about past lovers because they are not real, they are a fantasy in your head. He made it clear that he doesn’t see you as The One and he has moved on. There won’t be a happy ending with him. Don’t let the fantasy of him prevent you from finding happiness in the future.
I agree that counselling would be a good idea if you really can’t get past him.