Post # 46
OP you are such a sweet girl. id say put yourselves in front of everything! You won a greencard! That’s amazing! You are thinking too much, your Fiance, your parents, his mom, but you are not thinking about yourself! Put your needs at first. Sorry I wasnt experienced enough to suggest on your “Easter Plan” issues and here are some tips on talking freely.
I am also an Asian, a Thai. When I was here four years ago, they laughed so much at my accent. Once when I was in group discussion and phrasing my words(must be funny to hear), someone said, “faster, for gods sake”. I smiled and said to him, sorry! slow-talker here! The class laughed and they listened attentively to what I said. I dont know whether you’ve heard Thai English, it’s worse than Korean accent. Our accent is like beeping. My friends are from different backgrounds, American, British, African, Japanese, Turkish, Chinese(have to say they master the language best), and we always laughed about eachother’s accent and language! You know who are most laughed at?! Not people from Asian countries! But a Scotland cute guy. Your background doesn’t matter! Really! I have so many American friends who’s fun, nice, and welcoming. When I made mistakes, we’ll laugh together and they’ll correct me gently. So don’t be afraid! Go out and talk to people! OP you are stresses out. If I were you, I’ll go back home alone and talk to ma about it. Wish i knew you, and I wish you all the best.
Post # 47
lisavvvvv : lisavvvvv :
I would say that as heartbroken as your parent might be, it wouldn’t be anywhere near as heartbroken they would be if they found out you weren’t truly happy and went through with the marriage. There might be some short term discomfort, but long term, they want you to do what is best for you!
How long are you going to be in Korea for? If you’re there for longer, it might be good to go alone first, talk to your parents, and maybe he can join you a few days in?
I think you could be on to something with the mother though. Agree with other bees that it is not about winning or losing (though at the time it may seem like it’s the most important thing). If you feel like you have to pull him in this direction to win, it’s just the beginning of a long uphill battle. Combined with the fact he is also still looking for a job, I imagine she has some influence over his financial status and uses it. Do you plan on financially supporting him on your own if he does not find a job? If so, then good for the two of you! If not, you might want to take that into consideration, as she will try to hold on to any piece of her son that she can (like she already has).
Post # 48
try to assure her that you both love the same man, and want the best for him. But you and your fiancé have a lot to discuss prior to your wedding. If invitations aren’t sent out yet, maybe discuss on possible postponement. Also, it’s always good to allow families to meet first prior to wedding. I wish I can do so, but at least my fiancé met my family a few times before he proposed. Then everyone knows what we’re signing up to. Family ties are tricky. And it is up to us to maintain it. I’ll send you message on inbox. You guys are heading to the right direction. Make sure you both start out right!!
Post # 50
You are so cute! I can imagine you have shinny smiles and thanks a lot for your tips about going out to make friends. I learned from you that I can self-mock sometimes especially when I’m embarassed. I’ll definitely try to talk more and not constrain myself from making new friends!
Post # 51
Dear bee, you made such a great advice on going alone first then invite him over, and during that time I can talk to my families first to see their attitude. If they are not so comfortable to see him and his mom now, maybe I’ll just postpone it. Invitations are not send out yet but we’ve informed close families. You are right, i should talk to my parents about this, and i can never hide truth from them. It’s two month away from Easter and I guess I’ll ask to leave early.
As to financial issues, I’m not planning on raising him forever and I guess he wouldn’t do so. His mom must support him more or less until he finds a job.