(Closed) Can't stand my mom and her BF… Need advice please!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yikes.  Sounds like if your mom needs a roommate, you guys need to figure out a roommate agreement.  I’d make it very clear to her that she needs you more than you need her, and that if certain things can’t be met you’re going to find your own place.  Ie, you wouldn’t spend X amount of dollars to sleep on the floor of the living room, even if it is less than you’d pay in your own place, the standard of living dollar for dollar isn’t stacking up at this point.

Post # 5
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is it a possibility for you to seek out the place that you and your husband will live in together after you get married and just have you live there for a few months in advance?  That seems like the best option if you can afford it.

I just really think if you’re there to help HER, she needs to treat you fairly.  And really, depending what the actual split is, and if she’s out until all hours of the night anyway, while you need to sleep to get up for work (so you can pay her rent)… maybe the bedroom is yours.  But I really think it depends exactly who’s paying how much for the place.

 

Post # 7
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

@echolove:  I see your father is still in the picture, is moving in with him an option?

Post # 9
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@echolove:  

 

This sounds like a tough situation, I’m sorry you have to go through this.

 

I would consider moving out very soon. Space might help the situation and relationship; I cant imagine how uncomfortable your moms boyfriend staying in your room is. Is your mom well/able to work? Is she able to pay her own rent with the help of your father, or maybe the help of her boyfriend, since he often stays over? Im concerned about your brothers having a roof over their head, although I know its not your responsibility, it is your mother’s.

 

Would you be able to move in with your fiance and offer to help take care of his family? Just a thought.

 

 

Post # 11
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Move out.

 

“Mom, I love you, but I’m not going to pay rent to sleep on the floor while you sleep with your boyfriend. I’m moving on X date, and you’ll need to act accordingly.”

 

The end. This is so inappropriate in so many ways. You are not financially responsible for your mom. You dad is not responsible either. Time for her to put on her big girl pants and get a job and start acting like a decent role model for your little brother. I.e, NOT staying out at bars and having strange men sleeping around.

Don’t text her over this. Don’t present it like she has a choice in the matter. You pay the rent, you work, she does not. She either acts respectfully or you move out. 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

@echolove:  If the in-laws will have you, Im sorry but that seems like a good option to me. I would just tell them that you and your mum are not seeing eye to eye on some living arrangements and that it would really help you out if you could stay there till just before the wedding. You dont have to talk bad about your mum to them. 

 

I know it sounds like “selling-out” but I think your mum has already done that to you. Also having to choose between parents is not nice and it was not fair for her to put you in that situation. She clearly speaks her mind about situation so i dont see why you cant. It sounds like a toxic situation – Id just move out.

Post # 13
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@leecy87:  I agree. Keep it vague and ask to move in “because of disagreement” or something like that. Its only a few months you will be staying with the in laws. Your mom will have to find a way to support herself after you get married, anyways.

Post # 14
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

@SapphireSun:  +1 If im helping someone out, they need to treat me like an equal, or at least like a human being. When I lived at home, my mom didnt have her bf spend the night without talking to my sister or I first,a nd my sister was a teenager–so technically she didnt need it!

Id work on getting a place now and just split if she doesnt listen to what you have to say

 

Post # 16
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Mrs.LemonDrop:  and @Liss13:  Agreed

“Mom, I’ve repeatedly asked you not to have your boyfriend spend the night. I am not paying rent to sleep on the floor. If he stays again I will move out immediately.” 

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