(Closed) Can’t stop crying

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s interesting because I just read through the “Whats the worst thing your SO has said to you in a fight” and then after replying, I went back and read the particular thread you are referring to, and I can’t do anything but loudly echo your opinion.

 

Sometimes these situations seem impossible, and especially when you wanted so badly for things to work out, but one of the first steps is realizing you are not the problem, it is not your fault, you do not deserve to be treated this way, and it is not normal. One thing I had already mentioned is it does not matter how many times somebody like this says they are “Sorry” because people who are abusive do not know the true meaning of “sorry”. They are some of the most selfish of individuals, only thinking of their hate and anger they have created themselves.

I remember when I was in the process of leaving my ex, my number one feeling was fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of looking like a failure to my friends and family. Fear of having to take on so much more responsibility with no support. But later I realized that a lot of that fear was residual; It was left from the ideas he put into my head through 5 years of telling me that I was never good enough or I couldn’t make it on my own.

It just takes that first big step! You can get out of these situations before they get worse (and they WILL get worse). You are a strong person inside! There is nothing you can’t do without your abusive SO, instead, your oppurtunity will GROW when you leave them and start to live the life you deserve! There are many resources to HELP YOU! Never be ashamed to make your life better.

Post # 4
Member
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Thank you for posting this.  And for showing such courage. I couldn’t agree more.

I had one ex who destroyed me emotionally, and I’m still very insecure now.  He’d say things like “no one else will ever love you” and “if you don’t stay with me you’ll be alone forever”  it was awful.  It was a hard day when I left him, but also the best thingI ever did.

Another ex put his hands on me during a fight.  It was during a friends party and no one belived me.  I was young and so drained from the experience I tried to top myself (something I am not proud of).  The nurses found bruising on my neck from where he tried to choke me (and I blacked out for a split second) but I’m lucky – he could have very easily killed me if he’d wanted.  Afterwards I didn’t hang around to find out.

Post # 6
Member
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@hismm: I think it’s good to point out that abuse is emotional as well as physical. No one should ever make you feel worthless.  like I said to @Legallyblondiebride it shows such courage you posting this. And as difficult as the topic is to broach it is important for everyone to know that no one should ever be made to feel like crap, especially by the people who claim to love us.  And you should never have the fear you experienced.

Post # 7
Member
46417 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Legallyblondiebride:  Crying is good for the soul. Let it out.

What you are experiencing could be seen as critical incident stress. A trigger, in this case the recent post from the bee being abused, brings back all the emotions you went through in your past.

Please forgive yourself, and more importantly, congratulate yourself on having the courage to leave your ex and move on.

Post # 9
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@ladyartichoke: I remember thinking that I was in a very lonely place when I was leaving. The verbal abuse was throughout our relationship. It escalated to physical abuse in the last months we were together. It is such a snowballing-cycle to go through, but I think it is important to remind others, who may be embarrassed or scared to talk about their situation, or they are sitting at home wondering if this will be their lives later…

they should know that there are many of us who have come out on the other side and our lives are so much better. Their life can be better, too. It feels so much better to be loved and respected, and firstly, it feels so much better to love and respect yourself and be proud of yourself.

Post # 10
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m so sorry to hear what you experienced and sorry that you feel regret over not calling the police.

However, I want to point out that calling the police is not the best option for everyone. It can be an incredibly re-victimizing experience (especially if your abuser is a “charmer” and your proof is minimal). While it can be empowering to see someone punished and know that you helped prevent it from happening again, I don’t think that responsbility should be on anyone’s shoulders. The most important thing is that someone gets out of a dangerous situation…and whether they involve law enforcement is up to them. 

I currently work in a nonprofit that offers counseling/support/shelter for victims of domestic violence. Some of them have had a wonderful experience in reporting to the police, other have not. It’s not for everyone. The only time I’d say it is vitally important to do is if you’re in immediate danger. But for some people, it’s easier and safer for them to just get out and cut all ties. 

I’m glad that you left and I hope his new girlfriend did too… and I hope that somewhere along the line he got punished for what horrible things he did. 

Post # 11
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I agree with julies1949. Crying IS good for the soul. And so is talking. I had to talk about it, almost obsessively, to process it through my brain and my heart before I could let it go and start truly healing. Find yourself a good listener, tell him/her that you just need to talk (no advice needed or wanted), and just start letting it out. And there is no shame in finding a pro to listen. It’s what they do best.

Post # 12
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

When I was a little kid, I remember waking up late at night once to a whole bunch of activity and my Dad rushing out the door and my Mom making frantic phone calls–I found out later that my Aunt (Dad’s younger sister by 19 years) had called in a panic saying she was hiding in a closet because her live-in boyfriend had beaten her.  We lived 3 hours away from my Aunt and she was begging my Dad to come get her but didn’t want him to call police. While my Dad was driving there, my Mom called every person she knew in the area and by the time my Dad arrived there was a caravan of cars waiting to move my Aunt out of the house. The boyfriend had left (probably to get drunker) and in the space of an hour my Aunt and all her things were gone and never looking back.  A friend-of-a-friend who was part of the caravan ended up being the man of her dreams and they’ve been happily married for years now.  There is life beyond abuse, and as hard as it might be to leave, the life you can have is so worth it–because a good relationship never involves violence.

Post # 13
Member
46417 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Legallyblondiebride:  You ARE helping! By sharing your story, you have likely inspired someone to leave their abusive situation. You may never know the details but I can guarantee that someone has benefitted from your post.

Post # 16
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t know if I want that on the internet sorry. 

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