I’ve been having smears for years and in 2008 I got an abnormal one back from a routine. It freaked the hell out of me and I spent a month from the result letter to the treatment (I had a LEEP done) in a constant state of emotional stress over it, so I can totally relate and I’m very sorry you a going through this.
I had the same fears and worries as you about my health and about if I could have children etc and it didn’t really matter what anyone said because they couldn’t be sure if it would affect my chances of having children or if it would come back. Well I moved on an had 6 monthly smears for a few years and back in July last year I had another abnormal smear. Ugh. The day I got the letter I had a rush of all those horrible feelings come back and worse still they wanted to use a “wait and see” approach, ie monitor it in 6 months and then decide if I need to have a colcoscopy- so I basically had to sit with this thing in the back of my mind for half a year.
Well the December smear was also abnormal and I went to the clinic, I couldn’t eat or sleep properly, and I did the stupid thing and googled the hell out of it which didn’t make me feel better and I started convincing myself I was dying. It was crazy.
The long and the short of it is that the results came back as CIN1 and the said with such low grade abnormality they are happy to leave it for 6 months and go from there. The relief was immence. I know that I can’t prevent the abnormality but I feel comfortable in the knowledge that it can be dealt with way before it becomes life threatening. I’m ok with dealing with on an as it comes situation while I spend the next few years getting hitched and pregnant, after that I consider that I might opt for hystorectomy for longer term peace of mind.
So what you are feeling is totally normal but I encourage you to be vocal to your SO and those around you about how you are feeling, no matter how sill you may think you sound. Talking really helps. The other things I found made me feel better is when I voiced my concerns to the consultant who treated me the first time around he was great. He told me this:
1) Cervical cancer takes years to develop. The fact is, those who have regular smears are group of women LEAST likely to ever get CC because they are being checked. Of those who do have CC the sucess rate for treatment in those previously screened is 95% because of this same point.
2) It takes 3 courses of LEEP treatment (which isn’t as horrifying as it sounds btw) before you could have issues carrying a baby to term. The reason there is a link between abnormal smears and cervical incompetence is based on the older treatment that used to be carried out (cone biopsy) which took away alot more of the cervix. – and if you do end up having cervial issues with a baby you carry the can put a stitch in the cervix to keep it closed.
Like I said I completely and utterly sypathise with you, feel free to IM me if you want to chat about it or just ask more questions. Drs are HOT to treat this where need be because they know its such a preventable cancer, so if your doctor is saying they don’t need to treat it at the moment then take that to heart and know they wouldn’t let you go on as normal if they had any concern about your life.
I decide that since HPV is a viral/immune system issue it wouldn’t hurt to get fitter, healthier (so I joined a gym and eat well) there is limited research on links between the diet and HPV but I think it makes sense that keeping your immune system happy then it’s going to keep your body happy to.
The best thing you can do is keep going for the check ups when called, ask for advice and like the prevous poster said is enjoy this exciting time in the run up to your wedding, please don’t let your state of mind over this overshadow such a precious time in your life.