(Closed) Can't stop feeling turmoil/guilt about small DW (long)

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you have only told immediate family up to this point and you want to now inviet more people then I don’t seea problem with it.  You could IF you really needed to just tell people that due to some ‘creative’ planning you are now able to include more guests at your wedding. 

Good Luck 🙂

Post # 4
4346 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think its ok to invite people late. Just tell them you realized that you can accomodate more people than you had previously thought and would really like it if they could come.

ETA: Plus its not like you’re doing this the week before your wedding. You’re giving them 7 months notice which is still plenty of time for them to book a flight ect.

Post # 5
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is anyone laying the guilt on you or are you doing it all to yourselves?


Because honestly, those that love you will totally understand!  If they do not, then they will get over it eventually.  Just think about all the money you are saving THEM by just sticking with immediate family!


On the flip side, when I had a wedding planned, I had so much guilt over the $$ that everyone else had to spend to get to us – hotels, cars, airfare, food, etc.   That guilt tripped me more than NOT inviting people honestly.

Post # 7
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

it depends if you want to ivnite people because you want to invite them, or you want to invite people because you feel guilty/feel you should

if you actually want people there – go for it! youre still 7 months out (im also having a Destination Wedding in march and people are just booking now). if you feel guilty – dont! know that it will be lovely with a smaller group and that people will understand you dont want a big circus

if you wont enjoy it without inviting everyone else then do it, depending on whether you can afford it

Post # 8
25 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

If your wedding is in May 2013, I think it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and invite extended family now! But I completely agree with PP, invite them if you want them there and not because you feel guilty.

I will also warn you, once you start inviting more than immediate family, it can get messy about who you are/aren’t going to invite, and it can be stressful. My Fiance and I strongly considered doing an immediate family only “wedding trip” to Europe for very similiar reasons as to why you wanted immediate family only. We are also close with some of our extended family and each have some really close friends we wanted there, so we ultimately decided on a small destination wedding in the US (We live in FL and are getting married in CA). Initially when we decided on this, we had a guest list of about 80 people and were expecting about 65 to show up, and now over the months its grown to about 100 people invited, expecting around 80 (which is getting bigger than I really wanted/feel like I can handle because I hate being the center of attention). Most of the guest list growth was on my FI’s side, and are cousins that he never had any intention of inviting (he isn’t close with them, and we planned to only invite extended family we had close relationships with), but felt guilted into inviting because he had some second cousins he wanted to invite. The guest list has become a constant aspect of stress for us both, and there are definitely days where I wonder if we shouldn’t have just stuck with our original plan to do immediate family only. I do think our wedding will turn out to be a day I really love and that we won’t regret the decision we made on what type of wedding to have, but I also know it came with a lot of extra stress.

Just about what’s really important to you and your Fiance. It’s not too late to change your mind and invite more people if it’s what you want and you can afford to do so. I will say if guests have to travel (which I’m assuming most do), you probably want to decide on who you’re inviting by the 6 month mark so they all have time to plan/save/request days off if they want to come, but that should be plenty of notice for most people.

Good luck with your decision!

Post # 9
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“I guess too, if they don’t have the money they don’t have to come.”

My unemployed sister with 4 kids was going to go and use her credit card or tax refund I don’t know which!  She was telling me the trip was going to cost her $3700.  “But I will go because it’s important!”  Gah, guilt!  No one who is umployed should be spending $3700 to see me get married.  I know they say if they cannot afford it they can decline, but when it’s your sister it’s kind of obligatory. 


“FMIL asking me if we had thought about doing an at home reception for everyone, because she knows her brothers would really like to be there to support us”

Is your Fiance really close with his uncles?  Would he really like them there?  If no to either, then I think all will be just fine with your plan.  I know my uncles would not even notice if my wedding came and went, but I know each family is different.  Try not to take it to heart so much.  I don’t know of anyone who was crushed that they were not at a wedding!

Post # 10
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@honeygoldbee:  I have guilt about people who cant come due to age or finances, I think it is fine if you extend your invites to others, you will probably regret it if you didnt at least offer that.  Its not too late.  You could always say that you are now able to pay for more dinners/places etc which is why you can open it up more.

Post # 11
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

It’s def not too late to invite extended family or friends, but seriously ditch the guilt. 

I too am having a destination wedding but listen, I have a house to renovate not to mention a marriage and children to save for so as long as YOUR wedding meets YOUR expectations you’re golden.

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