(Closed) Can't support friend's engagement but not sure I want to end friendship-Help?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
6605 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It shouldn’t end your friendship unless you tell her the reason why you’re not going.  You can be her friend by standing by her if/when she needs you in the future.

For what it’s worth, my best friend got engaged to a man I didn’t trust at all.  While they were dating, I told her I needed to say it once, to put hte information out there, and then I’d leave it alone and support whatever choice she made.  I said that I thought that he was basically cheating when they started dating and I didn’t believe he wouldn’t do it again, therefore didn’t trust him.  (with more words exchanged to explain fully the reasoning).  It never hurt our relationship at all because we are such strong friends.  I helped her with initial wedding planning and I supported her when they broke it off (thank goodness).  If she’d gone through with it, I’d have been in her wedding because I support her right to make her own decisions and that’s what it would have been, even though I was sure she was doomed.

You have to decide if it’s better for you to support her in whatever choice she makes, or if it’s best that you remain truthful by not attending.  Like I said, it’s none of her business why you decline the invitation unless you choose to make it her business.  Only you can know if what I did is something that would work in your situation as well.

Post # 3
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I think if u just brush off the wedding because u have other commitments u should be fine!!! 

Hopefully it’ll be yeare till the actually do it – maybe she’ll see the light?

Post # 4
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

“Oh sorry, I’ve had this family reunion on the calendar for that day for MONTHS already!  Sorry, can’t make it.”

Easy peasey.  Insert whatever event you want.

Post # 5
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

A friend of mine who I was Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding, didn’t attend mine (or even RSVP) because she was mad that I didn’t make her Maid/Matron of Honor in mine. She was an Maid/Matron of Honor in another girl’s wedding, and stated she never wanted to do it again. So I figured, I won’t ask. Wrong! It caused a rift of a year or 2, but we got past it.

Before any of these weddings, she didn’t go to my dad’s funeral. Then 2 years ago, she didn’t go to my mom’s funeral. Those stung more than the wedding. I went to her grandmother’s funeral.

And just 2 months ago, I went to her son’s wedding. Life is weird.

 

Post # 6
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

If you can’t go she is going to ask you why. Is there a particular reason you hate this guy so much?

Post # 7
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Okay, if she’s a teen why do you think that wedding is hapenning? Does her family approves? Does she has concrete plans? Isn’t it one of those early engagements, but the wedding will happen in 3-4 years? It’s hard for me to imagine a situation, except maybe Duggar Family and alike, when teens marry and everybody is okay with it. 

Post # 8
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You can maintain the friendship, don’t say anything too negative about him, and be ready to be there for her when the relationship crashes and burns. 

Post # 9
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I do not consider declining a wedding invitation to be a friendship ending move. If someone does then they need to grow up. Declining is the right thing for you to do.

Post # 10
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

Does she know you don’t like her fiancee? She’s still very young! You could be saving her life if you speak up and convince her not to marry this scum.

In my experience, married means you’ll see him A LOT more- they’ll always show up together and you’ll rarely get to see her alone again. So your friendship is already domed. Either you speak up now and risk destroying the friendship, or you stay quiet and the friendship will die a slow painful passive-aggressive death. I’d take the risk- and hopefully if you speak up then other people will agree with you and speak up as well, and she’ll see what a huge mistake she’s making.

Post # 11
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Declining the invitation shouldn’t constitude the end of a friendship. I too have had friends get engaged to men I do not agree with, for example men who abuse them physically/emotionally. I usually let them know how I feel in a way that doesn’t seem like I’m attacking their decissions. I usually end up going to the weddings to support them, but if you think that you would be too angry being there then by all means don’t force yourself to show up. I’m sure your friend will understand that you’re only wanting to make sure that nothing will hinder her special day. Even if she doesn’t understand right now, perhaps she will change her mind once/if the relationship ends badly.

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