Post # 1
Anyone in similar shoes? My SIL has been TTC with no luck for 2 years now. Husband and I would like to start, but theyre in the back of my mind.
I feel like if we were successful (and who knows if we will be), there will be a lot of tension and things said behind our backs. I get their pain, and I know she already feels a sense of entitlement about having the family’s first-born… she has expressed this.
Just writing this out gives me the anxiety that I try to ignore or push off in my mind most days… and I couldn’t even imagine telling her that we’re TTCing because I don’t think her reaction would be supportive and would only increase my doubt/anxiety about TTC before they become pregant.
They have made their problems and frustration VERY clear with the family… so it’s not something that I can just ‘pretend’ I had no idea about. The fact is, although she sounds a bit evil, I REALLLY do like her and I REALLY want her to become pregnant… I just don’t know if it will happen :/
Post # 3
While I get that this is hard, you can’t put your life on hold for her. You and your husband should do what you think is best for your family.
If it were me, I would not tell her I was TTC (it’s none of her business) and if you do get pregnant before her, I would sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart about it. While it’s likely she’ll be green eyed jealous, I’m sure that in her heart she’ll be happy for you. And if she’s not…well, that’s on her. You can’t control her.
Post # 4
I really don’t think it’s right that you should have to wait for her.
Post # 5
@tampalove35: while I think it’s awesome that you care about your SIL and are empathetic towards her problem, I don’t believe in delaying or putting off your own life for other people. No one except you and your husband can or should decide when you are ready to TTC. I am sure if you did get pregnant quickly it might be difficult for your SIL at first, but I would hope that she realizes she doesn’t own the monopoly on trying to have a baby and would be happy for you. Especially when you don’t know what struggles you yourself may or may not face when TTC, I don’t think you should hold off for anyone if you feel ready now.
Post # 6
@tampalove35: Not quite there yet, but I may be in the same boat. My SIL and bro had infertility issues and had to go straight to IVF after 6 months of trying. They now have two beautiful twin boys. But I’m not letting it get to us. They have no control over your body and your ability to get pregnant, nor do you theirs. Nature takes its course, and that’s just life. You should start your family when you are ready, independent of them. There are other ways and means for them to start a family, too and I’m sure they’ll get there soon enough. It’s sweet you are concerned and thinking of them, but you also need to put yourself higher up.
Post # 7
@tampalove35: I have a friend in the same situation, except her SIL has been trying for 4 years. my friend is TTC now and shes a little nervous about how they will take it if they get KU first. I get your anxiety about it but the thing is- they might never get pregnant, unfortunately its a fact. You can’t plan your life around making them not feel bad. You have to go by what you and your DH feel is right. What if you wait and they never have kids? Just be sensitive to their feelings, and try to break it to them lightly. Maybe don’t even mention TTC and just let them know when it happens as to not give them added stress. I mean even if they know you are TTC, there’s nothing they aren’t already doing to get pregnant and it might just stress her out more to know?
Post # 8
dont announe you are trying to have a baby, just stop using protection and see what happens, i dont think you should wait til sil gets pregnant-things happen you should just live life to its fullest.
Post # 9
I’m sorry that she is in that predicament, but you can’t plan your life and family on other people’s wishes. TTC when the time is right for you and your DH. It will probably hurt her feelings if you conceive before she does, but she has to realize that it’s not an attack on her N that you have every right to begin your family when you want to.
Post # 10
@tampalove35: You do not need to tell her you are TTC. Of course if you got pregnant, she should know. You can’t put your life on hold because she is having a rough time.
Post # 11
You don’t need to put your life on hold for other people.
I wouldn’t even tell them your trying, just start trying.
Post # 12
You can’t put your life on hold for these people. Who knows if they will ever be successful?
Send them your best wishes, mentally, and just get on with your lives… that includes keeping TTC!
Post # 13
@cbgg: @Mrsluckywife: @TattedNYBride: @GeorgiaBride5: @SeaTurtle88:
Thank you all for constructive advice… deep down, I know that’s the cold-hard truth of the matter– that we shouldn’t be putting TTC off. My husband trys to be clear about that, I just have this nagging feeling that we SHOULD wait until they are successful…
I’m in love with the idea of our *potential child having cousins close in age, so I really do hope something finally gives for them.
But as I stated before, she has made her problems and feelings extremely clear to the family, so I feel like if we are successful the whole entire family will be walking on eggshells around us and her as well…. ugh, just not a great place to IMAGINE being in during what is supposed to be such an exciting time for us.
But you’re right, ultimately we cant stop living our life.
Post # 14
I think that’s the first step we’re going to take… just be a bit more carefree while starting to use fertility friend. And probably taking things a bit more serious come January.
Post # 15
I’m not going to hold back here. We have been trying for three years. We have lost 2 of our children. I am in a situation quite like your SIL. I think it is absolutely ridiculous for you to wait. It’s plain stupid wrong. Yoou cannot and should not put your life and family on hold for anyone. ANYONE. I hope that you will not have any problems TTC but if you do, you are only making your situation more difficult.
It doesn’t matter who got married first. Who has been TTC the longest. Who’s had the most trouble…there is no one and nothing that should be stopping you. (IMO besides financial reasons)
Don’t put your family- your life on hold for anyone. They will be happy for you when you are pregnant.
Post # 16
I think if you are close, you should talk to her about this. I would tell her that you keep thinking about her and you understand their problems but she can’t feel entitled about having the family’s first born. Babies happen and not always how they are planned. You need to be able to live your own life.