(Closed) Can’t wait until we get our own place.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

My husband and I live with his family right now, so I understand completely. I hate living here. Usually we’re right on top of keeping everything clean (doing dishes, cleaning the upstairs bathroom, taking all the trash out, doing our own laundry), but if we fall behind once, we always end up hearing about it. Those few times that my Mother-In-Law gets angry really make me not want to be around her at all. Little by little, I’m really starting to dislike her. It also doesn’t help that one of his sisters still lives at home, and I can’t stand her. They are both very passive aggressive.

We also have a 6-month old, which doesn’t always make keeping everything clean possible if baby needs something. There have been several times that I wanted to get things done, only to not be able to even find the time to eat during the day.

I’m just so glad that there’s a good job possibility about 24 hours away from here. We’re going in January to see what it’s all about, and hopefully after that, we can get out of here for good.

I wish I could give you some advice or something, but maybe it’ll help to just know that somebody is right there with you.

Post # 5
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I hear ya. Although I must admit I’m a bit jealous because we don’t live together. I live with my dad, he lives with his (he’s been on his own many times but had to come back due to financial reasons, I’ve never been on my own)

But I understand what you’re saying. I could never live with his dad. There is plenty of room for me there, but his father would drive me insane. First of all, he hovers…all the time…we’ll be downstairs reading or watching tv, or a movie, and he’ll come down and start talking to us about something random, and we’ll have to pause it and listen to him ramble for about 20 mins. He does this several times a night, takes us like 4 hours to watch a 90 min movie…or if we’re working on some project together (wrapping Christmas presents, cleaning the basement, etc.) he’ll stand there and watch us and comment on how we’re doing it wrong. He hardly uses the heat in the winter (relies mainly on the fireplace in the living room), harldy uses the A/C in the summer, so it’s always freezing cold or stupid hot. And it’s not because he can’t afford it, because believe me, he can. The house is filthy. It’s kept nice looking, but if you look closer you can see the dust on everything, and I’m pretty sure the only room that gets vacuumed is the living room. Whenever I have showered there, I get lectured about how long my showers are (um..hello I shave my legs and other areas! thanks!), if I blow dry and/or straighten my hair I get lectured about using too much electricity (even though he has a huge tv upstairs that uses enough electricity to power a small city…)  Anyway I just couldn’t imagine dealing with him 24/7, although it’d be nice to finally wake up to Fiance every day. *sigh* One day…

Post # 6
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Superstitions:ok I agree with the OP. now that I just read you have a 6 month old, my complaints seem petty lol

Post # 7
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I realize that my orignal comment may have come off as I almost play the role of a maid. I wasn’t intending for it to come across that way, so sorry if I gave the wrong impression.

It’s not like it’s completely expected out of us to do everything, but I do try my hardest while his parents are at work. It’s not a requirement of living there, besides cleaning the bathroom, but it definitely gets tiring. Mostly, I try to unload/load the dishwasher if I’m there and take out the trash if I notice it needs taking out.

It’s just that the few times I’ve heard complaints, it’s harsh. My Mother-In-Law told my husband about how she was dismayed when my Father-In-Law had to clean the bathroom. It ticked me off, because my husband is usually great at getting it clean. It was fully his intention to get it done before we left for a few days. I’ve been talked harshly to for very petty things. We left without saying goodbye to her, because this was literally minutes before we left.

Another time, she got completely ticked off when some dishes were left in the sink. I felt horrible, because the only reason I had left my one dish out was because I couldn’t tell if the dishwasher was clean or not. I avoid her for days after these kind of things happen. Neither one of us feel welcome here at all, which makes it that much more difficult.

Post # 8
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

If you’re financially unstable now to get an apartment, what will make you all-of-a-sudden financially stable after the wedding? 

Wouldn’t the financially responsible thing be to put the wedding money towards an apartment and get married with a JoP?

I was almost 19 when I got pregnant and engaged.  We decided to immediately pool our money and get an apartment.  We were both working.  DH had started his business and was cultivating clients.  I was going to college part time and working.  DH got another job in order to bring in more income and also worked at running and growing his business.  It was incredibly busy and crazy and stressful for us, but we wanted to show our parents that we were financially independent and could handle our situation.  I didn’t want to get married while pregnant, so we put those plans on the back burner. 

I worked througout my pregnancy, went to school part time, and drew up the plans for my business.  I figured out how I could raise my baby, start a business, and go to school.  And, I did all of that once our little girl was born.

It was more important to us to be financially stable and be on our own.  Doing that definitely showed our parents that we were being responsible for our actions.

If I could do it, you can, too.  Don’t you think you’d be better off using some of that wedding money to get a place of your own?  Have a smaller wedding, push the date out, downscale the wedding.  Just get yourself financially stable before marriage.  You don’t need lack of money to be an added stress to your marriage.

Post # 11
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My partner & I lived with my parents for a time while he was finishing college (they were pretty adamant that I at least stay due to the situation –had a child together & he was finishing school therefore not 100% financially stable).

I used to do the dishes, wash the floors, cook all the meals, vacuum, clean the bathrooms etc, while paying for our own groceries. My parents never outright said anything, but my mother is the queen of passive-aggressive behaviour.

It caused a lot of stress and a lot of unnecessary tension between my partner & I, and when we moved out it was the BEST thing for our relationship. It was tough and a pain in the A$$ to be spending money on rent, but in the end it was worth it, as we wouldn’t be where we are now if we hadn’t made the choices we did then.

However, instead of getting married we took our savings & bought a house. A family wedding is important to us as well, but it wasn’t our top priority (being stable & providing for our son was our number 1).

If this is the way you have to do things to get what you want, then you might just have to suffer through it. FWIW, your relationship with his parents will probably improve a thousand fold once you two get out on your own though.

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