(Closed) Cards with no Gift included? (for invited guests)

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I would appreciate the gesture, and send them a thank you card thanking them for the thought. I think that it is a nice gesture to remember to send a card, as you shouldn’t expect a gift at all, but I feel that at least they put SOME thought into your special day, they could  have done nothing. 

It isn’t completely fair, but in these kinds of situations, it’s usually better to be the bigger person. 

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not sure what you’re asking but it’s totally normal and very acceptable for someone to send you a congratulatory card without a gift even if they attend the wedding, doubly so if they don’t attend. You technically do not have to write a card thanking them for their card but I chose to do so, because I like writing and reading cards.

A person being well-off or not does not dictate if they should give you a gift, and you should not assume that everyone you invite is going to give you a gift.

Post # 5
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it is really sweet of them to send you a card even though they couldn’t make it. I would definitely send a thank you. 

A few guests who attended my sister’s wedding brought empty cards. Even though they couldn’t afford it, we wanted them there. It’s the thought that counts!

Post # 6
Member
10572 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

They still might get you a gift.  We had this happen, as the gift was on back order so we got a call that it was at the store a few weeks after our wedding.

We did have guests who gave us nothing, not even a card.

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you’d still need to thank them for the card (damn ettiquette!). As others have said, it may be that they’re getting you a gift later – my brother was still receiving gifts several months after his wedding

Post # 8
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow… some can not afford to give a gift. Instead they are sending a card with thier well wishes; how is this not enough? It would be rude not to send a thank you card to these people. They made the effort to wish you well even though they could not be there.

Post # 9
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would them a card that says you’re sorry you missed them on your special day and to thank them for the well-wishes.

 

What if they meant to send you money or a gift card and it didnt’ get in the envelope?

 

I’m intrigued that people get so snarky over not getting gifts.  They were your guests.  they send you well-wishes.  Thank them for thinking of you.

Post # 10
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh dear, I see this thread going South….and that’s too bad.  This may be surprising, but the sole purpose behind having a wedding and hosting a reception is not to obtain a king’s ransom in gifts…but to invite the people nearest and dearest to the new couple to witness and celebrate their union.  It’s true that many people elect to gift the new couple with money or items from their registry, but good thoughts are really all one needs to offer.  Regardless of their financial situation, these guests owed you nothing more than they provided and to neglect thanking them would be a terrible breach in etiquette…I get that you had your hopes up because of their success, but you can see what that got you, please don’t let it ruin your feelings for them.

Post # 11
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I got a card from an extended family member who was invited (though our wedding was oot for them, so I didn’t expect them to attend) w/o a gift. I was a little perplexed, as I didn’t really expect anything from them at all being so distantly related,  but it was nice of them to think of us. I think the card may have been hand made also, which was a nice touch. So I wrote them a thank you card, thanking them for their support and well wishes. 

We also got an empty card at the wedding, though those guests tracked me down and told me that they’d sent our gift to our home for us so that we’d know. Which was a really good thing, becuase the registry didn’t include the packing slip and I wouldn’t have known who to write their card too if she hadn’t mentioned it!

Post # 12
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

I would (and did) absolutely send a thank you note for a card and for their well wishes. I had guests show up without a card and I sent them thank yous for sharing our day with us. I’ll make this easy for you.

“Dear Blank(s),

Thank you so much for the lovely card. Even though you could not attend, your well wishes were felt thoroughly on our wedding day.

Sincerely,

Mr. and Mrs. Jane”

Post # 14
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, you don’t need to send them a thank you card for their card.  If you happen to see/talk to them, mention it in passing. 

Post # 15
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Isn’t a card better than not even acknowledging your wedding? Just because you are getting married does not entitle you to a gift from every single person you invite. Be happy they at least sent a congratulations and enjoy your new life as a married person.

Post # 16
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@JaneDomani:  I would think the card and the kind words inside qualify as a gift of some fashion…but I’m interested to see where Emily Post advises brides that failure on their guests part to send an appropriate gift entitles them to ignore common courtesy.

Also, your post states that you had to spend $20 in international charges to follow up, perhaps they were surprised to be invited at all, since attending would have been quite a journey for them?

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