Post # 1
Hi ladies, I’m in quite a quandary. Here’s my situation.
I’m 28, to be married next May. I’m wanting to go back to school to get my nursing degree, which my current employer (a hospital) will reimburse me for. Unfortunately I’m in a TON of debt from my first degree, and not working in my field due to lack of jobs. I have about 5ish prerequisits I would have to take before getting on the WAITING list for the RN program here. I’m a little nervous to start taking classes this spring, since the wedding will be about a week after finals..eeeek! Plus my fiance and I are both pharmacy techs, not making much money so I absolutely have no choice but to keep working full-time.
I really don’t want to be older when I start having kids for a few reasons: Simply being older–I’ve been on the pill for like 10 years and have no idea how long it will take to get pregnant in the first place—and it took one gma like 7 years to get pregnant, and the other had a few miscarriages–
I understand this is only a decision I can make, but what are some thoughts? Should I keep putting off having kids or should I start making it a priority? I just don’t want to wait too long 🙁
Post # 3
Oh my goodness, I am going through a similar thing. I think that you are on a solid career path that you can return to if you decide to have kids sooner than later. I would start taking the classes, and go for the baby, and if it happens, take a baby detour then return to your career goals when you are ready. That is- if you are ready to have a baby.
Post # 4
I am 26 and graduating from law school in May. I will be up to my eyeballs in debt and will probably have to work for a few years, however Fiance and I have both set a goal paying off most of my loans in 3 years so we can start saving and have our first before I turn 30.(or at least start trying when I am 28).
I suppose the point is that you probably need to sit down and figure out what your new timeline would look like and if you can live with that… obviously getting a Nursing degree would increase your earning capacity which will make it easier for you to support children when you decide to have them but only you can decide what is the best for you!
Post # 5
I would definitely encourage you to go back to school! It will help secure a good future for your (future) child. Definitely look into options such as community college and/or online courses from an accredited school to fulfill your prerequisites. When an employer pays your tuition, that’s basically like getting a raise – they are giving you several thousand dollars on top of your normal salary. I would definitely take that opportunity. Regarding your student debt – it sounds like you won’t be adding any more debt because the hospital will pay for the courses; also – nurses make a lot more than pharmacy techs (I was one and the pay was not so great) – you will be able to pay off your debt faster with a nursing job than a pharmacy tech job.
Re: being on the pill for a long time – that really should have no effect on your ability to conceive. Also, keep in mind that while family history is important, there have been a lot of changes in the past 50 years that allow fertility problems to be managed unlike they ever were in the past (if you actually have an issue). You could always meet with an OB/GYN or your primary care physician to see if your labs, etc are ok now and if they think that holding off on TTC for a few years would be reasonable.
Good luck with making your decision(s)!
Post # 6
My mom’s number one rule is “Always be able to support yourself.” Once you have a child that is more responsibility and more money needed to support yourself. Therefore I would go to school. It will provide for a better life for yourself, your husband and any future children.
You have been given a great opportunity better yourself and your family. I highly recommend you take it!
Post # 7
Well, I am a big advocate of having it all and I firmly believe you don’t have to choose between babies and a career, you just need a good plan.
Post # 8
I can tell you what I would do, but that’s not very helpful since I don’t want children at all. 😉
Think about how long it will take you to go through the nursing program. It’s a great career and your tuition is being reimbursed, so it’s a hard opportunity to turn down. At 28, delaying trying to reproduce for a few years is pretty unlikely to affect your ability to have children.
I really do agree with what other people have said that it’s really important to be able to support yourself and your children – it seems like if you don’t take steps to make changes in your earning potential, you and your fiance aren’t going to end up in a much better position. If this really would be looking at a 10 year delay or so before TTC then you need to start thinking about how you would feel should this mean you can’t ever have children, but if this will put it off until early/mid thirties it seems like a very good investment for your future and your future children.
Post # 9
I would try to time out the career-related goals so that you can have children sooner rather than later since being a younger mom is important to you. For example, you could take the prerequisite classes one at a time so that they cost less (and take up less of your time), have a kid, and then aim to start nursing school once the kid is old enough to go to preschool (3-4 years old). You have a job now that pays the bills, and you have your whole life to start a new career. If you started the career and then had a child, you would still have to balance a demanding profession like nursing against the needs of a baby. At least if you didn’t start being a nurse until the kid was about 3 years old the high-maintenance infancy stage would already be behind you. The period in which you would have to depend on your current salary to pay the bills would be relatively short—examine your budget and maybe you’ll find a way to make it happen!
Post # 10
My fiance would love for me to take the first year (at least) off after I deliever each of our future children (we plan on having two); however, I don’t see the need as to why only I need to sacrifice my future career as a teacher. I graduate college this Spring with a B.A. in History Education and feel like since I’ve spent all this money and spent five years in school to become a teacher than why don’t I?
My response to your question kind of goes along with lefeymw‘s comment. If you can’t support yourself, then how do you expect to support your children? I refuse to start bringing children into this world until I have found myself a solid contract in a school that I want to stay in for a long time. So, we might have to wait 3-5 years! I feel that it would be worth it in the long run.
Post # 11
I would rather have babies now and go back to school when the little ones were in kindergarten. But children are very imprtant to me. I want to have at least 2. Hopefully we will plan our first for when I am 28 or 29
Post # 12
I am 28 as well and planning to be pregnant when I’m 29. I get scared that 30 is too old to have your first, but I just got married. However, I have wanted babies since I was like 25. I think it’s something that you and your husband have to talk about but it defintely makes it easier when you have money to support the babies. Do you live close to your parents or his, then maybe they can help watch your children while you go back to school/work? Just a thought, good luck!
Post # 13
Also dont forget that if you do have a child sooner rather than later, you will only have less time later. And therefore, less likely to either finish school or it will take longer- thereby decreasing your earning potential for that many years. Having a child after 30 is safe and normal.
“By 2006, one in 12 first children were born to mothers who were 35 or older,”
Post # 14
THANK YOU ALL for the advice 🙂 it helps to get different viewpoints for sure…
Post # 15
It’s intense to get into nursing programs in Indiana, so I completely understand. I think that you should take pre-reqs now and ttc sooner rather than later. A lot of people don’t like the idea of mommies going to school but frankly, I can’t see myself doing accounting for the rest of my life and so I’ll probably go back for my engineering degree or for an advanced business degree AFTER I start having children. Husbands and wives can work together on parenting and thankfully, I have a pretty supportive Fiance. I hope yours would be able to look after your children if you take night classes or if you have some relatives that live close that could look after them during your clinical hours.
Post # 16
I’m actually in a similar situation. I’ve wanted to have kids forever, but there are other things career-wise I want to do first (and that wouldn’t be possible with kids). It looks like I’ll be 33 or so when we have our first. This is way older than I thought I would be, but we’ll make it work. For us, it came down to waiting a few more years to start TTC and being able to take advantage of something else we really want to do, or have kids now and let go of that other opportunity.
I really think things generally have a way of working out. I may just have to have back to back babies 🙂
It’s a hard decision though. I’ve gone back and forth on it a lot. Best of luck with whatever you decide.