(Closed) Career vs family – what's more important to you?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you choose your career or starting a family?

    My career is more important to me - I don't want any kids

    My career is more important to me - I'm delaying having kids

    I don't mind giving up my career to start a family

  • Post # 47
    Member
    4025 posts
    Honey bee

    Our decision to wait 3-5 years for children is a combination of things. 

    1. Age– We are currently 26 (me) and 28 (DH). We would like to enjoy the remainder of our 20’s and spend time travelling and growing as a couple. I also thought that 29/30 was a good time to start TTC.

    2. Finances– We make really good money now, but we are still paying down student loans and recently took on a car payment and bought a home. If we strategize right, we can pay off our student loan debt in the next 3 years, which will free up a good chunk of income which will go toward childcare eventually.

    3. Careers–We have both been working for 4 years, post-college, but want to be more established in our careers/positions. DH is hoping to move positions/get promoted, so that he will have a more consisten work schedule doing something he enjoys. I am in a leadership position, but I am contemplating what direction I want to go with it. Additionally, my current employer doesn’t offer maternity leave and hasn’t signed up for short term disability insurance either. So it would be tough to take unpaid time off. 

    Fortunately, at this point, we are not feeling a strong desire to have children (though inklings are there), so we have time figure out. We have been together for 11 years (married for 1 year), but are still enjoying just the two of us and our dogs.

    Post # 48
    Member
    2864 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

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    MissRustic: lots of women have both a career and a family. Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg have a small staff so they can do both. 

    If Fiance and I end up having a child, we’ll both work FT with a combo of my mom helping and a nanny share. if mom doesn’t help then full time nanny for us. I’d rather diversify our income sources in case the worst happens. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    MissRustic:  Fair enough, you definitely couldn’t maintain those hours.  I guess I wonder why you couldn’t choose not to progess to such high levels?  Maybe I am misunderstanding, but in my career I do not aspire to be at a high management level for example because I know it would take away from family time.  Occasionally I will work long hours to meet a deadline, but it’s not a constant thing, so it’s something I can handle when the time comes. 

    Maybe there’s something you could do in your field with more flexible hours?  Then agian, maybe not.  I guess we all have to make our own choices that work with our own circumstances.

    Post # 50
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee

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    MissRustic:  We’re childfree by choice, so keep in mind that when I say, “family”, I mean “my partner and cats”! 

    My family is definitely more important to me. What good would having a high-powered career and wealth be if you’re spending long hours at the office and constantly lonely? I couldn’t stand having no time with my partner because of my work. I’d rather be poorer and happy than richer and miserable! I’m fine with my less prestigious job. On their deathbed, no one said, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”

    Post # 52
    Member
    7579 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    MissRustic:  I didn’t vote because none of thost options fit me. I don’t consider my carear more important than having a family, but I have no problem delaying the family for a bit for my job. I’m a wedding photographer, so naturally I book clients 12+ months out. By default I sort of have to delay because I can’t be due in a month that I’ve got weddings on the books already – and we do have a few months out of the year that we really don’t have any events. For example, if for some reason I concieve this month, great. If not, I will delay until at least February so that I’m due in a desireable month that I don’t have any weddings on the books. That being said, if we try during the best months and it doesn’t happen we will just continue to try and figure it out as we go. I would never NOT have kids for many years just for my job.

    Post # 53
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee

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    starfish0116:  Most people I’ve met say the same thing you do, actually!

    None of the options really fit me, either. We’re not having kids, but it’s got nothing to do with my career. We just don’t want ’em!

    Post # 54
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee

    Career. I do not want children and want my focus to be on my job and Fiance . 🙂

    Post # 55
    Member
    1980 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have never wanted a career and have always wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. Right now I do have a job, but it’s not a career. And I would give it up in a heart beat of DH said he was ready to start a family. 🙂

    Post # 56
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

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    MissRustic:  Why is this something only women are asked? Seriously, let’s go to a forum full of mostly men and ask them if they want to stay home or if they are going to be selfish and work after they have a child.

    It’s totally OK to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but would you ever ask your husband if he wants to be a SAHD? I just never hear men say stuff like, “well, when Destination Wedding gets her raise I can finally stay home and raise our family…” It’s just very annoying to me. -___-

    (Not trying to be rude. This just annoys me about society.)

    But to actually answer your question… They’re equally important! I run the business my father started, and since it’s fulltime pay without the fulltime hours, I guess I’m going to be a business woman and a fulltime mama when we have kids. 

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by MrsRoberts52.
    Post # 57
    Member
    202 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @Mango817, @MrsRoberts52 I couldn’t agree more – and it makes me a little sad to think that some women see their opportunities as being limited just to the three options in the survey above. 

    Both my husband and I would say family and career are very important and we’re trying hard for a baby these days. My job in management consulting requires me to travel 3 days/wk which means my husband will be a single dad for a few days each week – I considered taking a job with less travel and more flexible hours when we started TTC but my husband encouraged me to stay in consulting as I really do love it. I expect that it will be hard sometimes but I love that my husband wants to be an equal partner in raising our family and I think that he’ll have a more fulfilling experience as a dad because of it. I think that happy parents are the most important thing for a child to have and working makes me (and my husband) happy.

    Post # 58
    Member
    3268 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    MissRustic:  

    My husband and I are childfree. Our marriage is more important to us than our careers. We live in our own little world with just he and I, so we don’t want anything to come between that. This means that I seek positions with daytime hours as well as a decent work/life balance. For example, my husband and I recently celebrated our anniversary. I asked my boss if I could leave 15 minutes earlier in order to have dinner with my husband. She told me to leave even earlier to spend time with my husband and that warmed my heart. Of course, I don’t expect my boss to accomodate frequent and excessive requests for time off.

    I have a bit of a social work background. Through some of my work experience, I saw firsthand how giving up a career and personal income made women more vulnerable to abuse. It is very important to me that I have my own income and career for this reason. I have been in an abusive relationship where he used money to control me and I told myself “NEVER AGAIN.” I also feel more useful and fulfilled when I have my own career. This was why my husband and I decided that I needed to return to school and train for a career rather than the crappy McJobs I had before. I don’t mind my husband paying the bills because he makes so much more than I ever will…however, I need to have my own money to feel secure and happy. 

    Perhaps I would think differently if I wanted children. I know that my mother deeply regretted marrying and having kids without seeking some kind of education and I’m sure that influenced my views. I can see why women would choose to focus on their families after obtaining some education and work experience; my mom regrets all the time she spent at work rather than with her kids. Those years can never be brought back.  However, I don’t understand the decision to focus ONLY on marriage and becoming a mother in this day and age, especially if a woman is very bright and intellectual. Just so we’re clear, saying that I don’t understand something is not the same as saying I disapprove of it. 

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