Post # 1
I’m trying to get my head round what my future plans would be when we start to TTC. Out of me and my OH, I have the job with progression but is lowest paid. I like my job but dont think I could go part time as we’re a tiny company and it would really pressurise my co-workers.
I want to work after i have children, and would want to stay in my job. How do you decide between career progression and family? And how do you bring it up with the OH!?
How many of you had a similar situation? What did you do? Interested in others experiences.. what they planned and what actually happened once the LO arrived.
Post # 4
I always thought I’d want to work after I had children, but all of our plans changed once we had our daughter. I realized that (in my field) a career would always be there, but my baby was growing up so quickly and I would never get these years back. So, when we had our second baby, I quit work and now a full-time Stay-At-Home Mom and grad student. I will go back to work (hopefully part-time) in the next few years, so I won’t be out for very long, but it is worth it to spend this time with my kids.
I think it’s important to keep your options open as much as possible. Sometimes having a child strengthens your commitment to working, sometimes it changes your mind, but it’s hard to know for sure until your little one is actually here. It’s always good to have a plan going forward, but it’s also nice to have a little flexibility after the baby arrives. 🙂
Post # 5
Darling Husband and I aren’t currently TTC, but we’ve discussed our future plans regarding children.
I make double what Darling Husband makes. Additionally, I have a massive amount of student loans. This would make it impossible for me to ever be a Stay-At-Home Mom. My mom, however, was a Stay-At-Home Mom for my brother and I, so she’s currently a homemaker now that we’re grown. When we have children, she has whole-heartedly agreed to watch them while we both work. If she were not around to do so, Darling Husband would have to cut back to part-time (since we could live without his income), and we’d have to supplement with daycare.
In an ideal world, I would LOVE to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. The choices I made in life though don’t fit with that plan, though. I don’t love my job, so it’s not like it would be rough on me not to work anymore. It just isn’t in the cards for us!
Post # 6
I’ve made the decision to be a Stay-At-Home Mom once the baby is born. My husband makes a good salary and has good benefits. I don’t make enough to justify paying for daycare (as it is VERY expensive in our area) and I would be constantly thinking all day long about what was going on with my baby as I sat at my desk. I do want to take on freelance work that I can do from home (I write) and I am also going to ask my current job if they will let me work for them on a freelance/contact basis as well.
Post # 7
I’m a scientist, so I don’t really have a choice. If I want to stay in my field, I have to go back, probably within a year or less. Technology and methods change too quickly for me to be out of the game any longer than that, unfortunately.
Post # 8
I am not at this point yet, we wont be TTC until sometime early 2013 but I think about this often.
Darling Husband & I both have great jobs, but Darling Husband has a massive amount of student loan debt from law school. Financially we both agree that we’d like to maintain our jobs post baby. I have a somewhat flexible job where I think I can negotiate 3 months off post baby and an adjusted work schedule for the first 3 months back where I only work 4 days a week. With potential help from the grandparents this means we could be lucky and only be looking at 3 days of daycare per week – which would be ideal for me.
Ultimately I’d like to work from home one day a week but be full time. DH has 8 more years on his student loans – and we cannot drop down to one salary while he has them – so I will likely always be a working mom. I love my job and cant imagine leaving it – but in a perfect world I’d be a contractor and word 3 days a week only for 60% of the pay. That would be perfect!
Post # 9
I’m really interested in the responses, thanks ladies!!
crayfish: Im a sciencey field as well (UK based) but also a very very male dominated one. I couldnt do site works pregnant, and certainly if i was Boyfriend or Best Friend i couldnt do it. Was your decision based on the industry moving faster than you if you took time out, or that you personally would feel behind in your career progression?
For those who chose to stay home with children after, did you decide before, or did you come back to work and then resign? Did you feel guilt over lost opportunities, wider family dissapointments that your education might be being ‘wasted’… society view on Stay-At-Home Mom.. the OH views? Did you feel any of that guilt/pressure? I was bought up my a Stay-At-Home Mom and desperately want the same for my children, but wonder if its even a possibility these days (UK economy!)
I’d imagine once I have little ones I’ll want to spend every second with them. But I’m also very determined to have a job that challenges my brain or I might go a little child-crazy!
Post # 10
i wish i could have stayed home, i went back to work when she was 1m that was all we could afford to do. Were in the process of buying a house right now so thats why i came back to work, but we do plan on having one more child and i will be a Stay-At-Home Mom after that.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Ideally, I’d become a stay at home mom.
Post # 12
I work as a therapist in a multidisciplinary university/hospital based clinic. I do clinical work but also research and teaching. I spoke to my boss about this yesterday. I plan to continue working, but will cut my hours back and mainly do clinical work plus a little research. Likely my hours will go from ~42 to 28, but my boss said I could cut back more than that if I want. I think I will plan on work 28 hrs across 3 days (which is still actually considered full-time), but if that’s too much, I will do less.
Post # 13
It’s purely a financial decision for us. We pay $1250/month in daycare for our 2 year old, which is hard because I make enough money to justify that but not enough where I feel like its totally worth it. FH makes decent money and more than I do, but not enough where I feel like we’d have the same lifestyle if I were to stop working although I’m certain I will not work after #2.
I know that having someone at home to watch the kids and take care of the house is important, but it’s also really difficult to make that decision unless one partner makes more than enough to sustain the household and the lifestyle. That’s where our dilemma is.
Post # 14
I am going back to work, mostly because I love my job (teaching). It also will keep our household financially stable. I am excited for my 3 months of maternity leave, but I feel like I will be happy going back to work when the time comes. Personally I don’t feel that one choice is better for baby over the other, but their is definitely an impact on the mother. If your unhappy being away from your job (you say you love it), you should keep working. A happy, healthy mother is always good for the baby!
Post # 15
I’m grappling with this question right now. Do I have children & stay home or go back? I’d love to watch my children grow, but it’s so hard right now. I hopefully will find a part time gig or an at- home job.
Also I feel companies put a black mark on you if you have children because you can’t be at the businesses’ beck & call. I feel like they go ” oh she will have to take lots of time off for sick days.” or ” well how many kids will she have? She’s a liability and could leave at any time. “
Im curious to see how others handle it.
Post # 16
This is an interesting thread. We are not TTC but thinking about it. We both make the same amount yearly, but my carerr has the most potential for growth. I’ve debated whether I would want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or continue my career. Part of me feels like I just know once I have that little child in my hands I won’t want to put him/her in daycare every day. But the other part of me has worked hard to get where I am in the workplace, and would feel like I was throwing it all away if I stay home. I feel very similar to lucyh2bee–want to be with the kids, but can’t imagine not doing some sort of work. It’s more likely that I will try to convert my career to either working from home or doing freelance.