Post # 1
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
I need some advice Bees. I want to know if I’m making a big deal out of nothing or if it’s time to get aggressive.
My husband of 1 year now has this ex from highschool (6 years ago) that refuses to let him go. She wasn’t his first love and according to him, he didn’t treat her too kindly and she only wanted to date him because he was the football player and she was the cheerleader. But for some reason she’s always writing on his facebook or twitter wall, tagging him in old pictures and reaching out to his mother and younger brother like they were the best of friends. A few weeks ago she mentioned she was drunk on her twitter page and made a comment about my husband – some kind of inside joke. Then today she posts a picture of them hugged up in high school.
I’ve seen her a few times at various social scenes. She is a pretty well known model in our city and is at every event. She never makes eye contact with me and has never introduced herself. I feel like she is rude and desperate. My husband has refused to see that she is still hanging on even though I tell him I know women better than she does. Is it time for me to step in and say something to her or continue to let this go?
Post # 3
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee
Why is she on his twitter and facebook if they’re not friends anymore, and just old flames? Just because its “social” media, doesnt mean you have to be social on it with everyone you’ve ever known. Tell him to remove and/or block her from all of those sites, and don’t associate with her.
Post # 4
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
Is he communicating back? If not, she’s the one looking desperate. If I were you, next time I saw her I would approach her and say, “Hello, I’m Xs WIFE. All of those pictures from high school are so cute!” Or something to that effect to let her know you’re aware. As long as he’s not communicating with her, it seems to be just one of those annoying things that will go away if ignored long enough.
Post # 5
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
I’m totally cool with my SO being friends with his exes on FB, but they don’t act like this.
I think you’re perfectly justified in asking him to remove her from his social networking sites if she can’t behave herself.
He’s married. High school’s over. Time to move on. Period.
Post # 6
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
If hubby isn’t encouraging her, she clearly can’t take a hint. I would start commenting on each thing she puts on his wall like that. Something to the effect of, “my guy was great even then” but to then make a comment to her that’s negative but innocuous, like, what was she thinking with that hair style or clearly hubby was right, she was stuffing tissues in her bra. Being pro-hubby and cheerleading him reminds her he’s taken and a small but not to nasty snipe will quickly take the fun out of it for her.
Post # 7
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
Maybe she feels guilty for only wanting to date him because he was the football player? Or maybe she’s showing there aren’t any ill feelings towards him for not treating her kindly?
Post # 8
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
@jumpthegun: Hmmm, I don’t think so… it seems like she can’t let go if she’s acting like this. It’s not like he’s sitting at home alone feeling bad that she only dated him because he was a football player; obviously, he’s moved on. I think she just has some weird deal where she still wants to be with him.
Post # 9
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
@brideatbeach That’s what I think. I don’t act like this with any of my exes.
@Cappugcino I can’t reply to her twitter cause I don’t follow her.
I don’t want to come off as the insecure wife who will only feel better if her husband defriends and stops following this girl. I am social media friends with some of my exes. And most of the time he won’t respond and then sometimes he will. For example, when she posted the picture he replied with “Oh shit.” I’m just so tired of her cause I know she wants to get under my skin and my husband who is friends with everyone just says its not his fault.
Post # 10
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
@FutureMrs.Taylor: I don’t think you’re being insecure at all. It’s kind of embarassing that she is doing this because it almost makes it look like they are still really good friends. I am totally confident in the relationship between my SO and myself and have met most of his exes and been really friendly with them, but this would totally bother me, too. You need to talk to him about it; if you wrote a post about it, it’s obviously bothering you.
Post # 11
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
@brideatbeach How can I make it known to him that it is a big deal and not okay without getting into some huge arguement and him thinking I’m just jealous (Which has happened before).
Post # 12
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
@FutureMrs.Taylor: Make sure you’re not accusing him of anything. For instance, don’t start it off with: I’m so frustrated you haven’t made her stop or Why do you let her put comments like that up?
Just be totally honest and tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable as to why she would want all those huggy, kissy photos up. I would mention the fact that you would never put up something like that about an ex, so while you don’t know her and aren’t calling her a bad person, her motives are a little unclear to him.
Mention that you feel bad she’s putting him in such an awkward place by tagging him, posting messages, etc. Suggest that he at least send her a message asking her to stop or delete her, but just don’t act as if it’s his fault that she’s doing this. Otherwise he might feel like you’re accusing him of being unfaithful or egging her on.
If you don’t raise your voice or escalate the conversation, it should go fine. You need to be able to have open communication without him getting mad at you.
Post # 13
Member
3151 posts
Sugar bee
@FutureMrs.Taylor: I would approach it in a really calm manner that just states your feelings that she is being inappropriate by posting photos that are suggesting to the wider world that she had a “more than friends” relationship with your husband and that he is holding on to, and even encouraging it. She needs to move on with her life and stop trying to drag him back to memories of the past. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having the pictures, but continually commenting on it/his wall is frankly a little pathetic.
Post # 14
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
Update: We talked and he admits that she is as pathetic as I think she is. He said he didn’t realize how responding to her actions just encourage her and makes her think its okay so he will stop. I still have choice words when I come in contact with her, though
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