Post # 1
My bridesmaids and man of honor have been planning my bridal shower, and are having a tough time finding a place to hold it that isnt super expensive. (We live in NYC and all have tiny apartments!)
They found a great bar that will allow us to reserve their back room for free and bring in our own food. One bridesmaid has a friend with a catering business, so they can get a great value for their money by having her cater the food! However, they wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for an open bar during the shower… And wouldn’t be able to, say, bring in a case of champagne and some OJ since the venue itself is a bar.
I’m generally not so keen on cash bars, and I feel like it would be especially uncool to ask guests to pay for their own drinks at a bridal shower, because its like, specifically a gift giving occasion. Like, “hey, thanks for traveling to New York and buying me those towels! Want a drink? That’ll be $11.”
At the same time, I don’t want to belittle the effort that my wedding party is putting into this by being like, yo, your cash bar plan sucks. They are all super busy and none of them are zillionaires, so I’m really touched they are throwing this shower for me! I really, really don’t want to seem ungrateful or dissatisfied at all.
So… What’s my move here? Should I offer to kick in enough money to cover some drink tickets or a modified open bar? Should I ask them to change the venue to an all-inclusive brunch place with unlimited brunch drinks? Or should I just keep my nose out of it and just be thankful for the time and effort they are putting in to a party for me and hope the guests won’t mind covering their own bar tab?
Post # 3
They are doing this for you. Even if everything is not just how you would have it, I think just go with it and not say anything. Don’t hurt their feelings. It’s also not really your place unless you give yourself a shower.
Post # 4
@beccab107: Yeah, I think that’s probably the best thing to do. I am really so appreciative and touched, the last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings.
Post # 5
The good thing about bridal showers is they’re thrown by someone else. It’s the one time you get to let go of control lol If someone doesn’t like the cash bar idea, it still won’t reflect badly on you. But I think I’d understand. I read the title of this and thought “no way” but then reading the scenario I very much understand. I say don’t worry about it & just enjoy.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t be okay with this, and I’d either make it clear on the invites that because the guests are paying their own way, gifts are politely declined, or find a different venue. You could consider an afternoon event where many bars in the business-heavy districts would probably do a cheap happy hour style drinks-and-appetizers menu for pretty cheap, just because they’re so empty on the weekends.
Post # 7
Enjoy the beautiful party that they are throwing you and if someone doesn’t like it, it’s still not your problem since you are not the host. I think it’s wonderful that your Wedding Party is coming together the way they are, and as long as there is something to drink (alcoholic, non-alcoholic, whatever) for those who didn’t bring any cash then it’s all good.
Post # 8
I don’t think that a bridal shower is an occasion where an open bar is necessary. Are you sure that they are not planning on providing any sort of drinks? Like maybe they could pay for a champagne punch of some sort. If I were attending a wedding shower (i’m assuming this is during the daytime) I would be happy with one drink provided to me, and then if I wanted more and I was at a bar I’d just buy one, happily! As PPs have acknowledged, anyone attending a shower knows that you didn’t organize it and also recognizes that your bridesmaids can’t necessarily pay a ton of money to throw you one. If you are still worried about it, perhaps you could covertly arrange to pay for a round of drinks for the guests at the shower.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t expect drinks at a bridal shower, so I would see them as being completely optional anyway! I wouldn’t worry about it; I doubt anyone will be offended.
Post # 10
@KatieBklyn: As a drinker, I wouldn’t be upset by this. It’s a bridal shower…i’m not planning on getting hammered. If I buy a drink, it would be a drink I’d sip on throughout the party anyway. It’s thrown by someone else and doesn’t represent you. I’d let it go! Your wedding party wouldn’t accept money anywyay and would feel pressured to come up with the funds.