Post # 16
I also think its tacky when a couple splurges on other things (venue, dress), then expects their guests to make up the difference.
I recently went to a wedding that was black tie – so guests had to spend money on the proper attire, etc, and then they had 2 drink tickets per guest and a cash bar for the remainder. Everyone was pissed.
Post # 17
Bottom line- it depends on your social circle. Cash bar would be a HUGE no-no in my circle of friends… for other people it’s normal I guess.
Like I said in the other thread, If I went to a wedding with a cash bar- I would take money out of my card. I would definitely not give as much.
Post # 18
Then that wedding was not actually black tie. Black tie has actual requirements, and drink tickets are definitely not one of those requirements. Sounds to me like that couple just wanted everyone to get dressed up. So gross.
I think all couples need to remember that no one is asking you to spend a shit ton of money on your wedding. If you go over your budget or things start getting tight you need to rethink your plans, not push off the costs onto your guests. The attitude of “I am spending a lot of money on my guests to eat” or “I don’t want to spend a ton of money just for people to get wasted” is kind of a shitty attitude to have. This party is not about you, the couple, it is about thanking your friends and family for coming to your wedding. So host what you can afford. Just like the couple should be gracious hosts and not have their guests open their wallets, guests should be gracious about what is being offered. It is a two way street. But don’t be surprised if your guests side eye the hell out of you because you can’t plan properly or have a bad attitude.
And sorry not sorry but I don’t give a crap where in the world a wedding is held, I will always think that making your guests pay for any part of your hosted event is rude as hell.
Post # 19
I would have the wedding at a cheaper venue then. I think it’s way worse to show that money was spent on fancies but not the basics.
Post # 20
Sorry, OP it isn’t the “perfect venue” if you can’t properly service your invited guests.
Have the weddding you can afford.
Post # 21
If you think about it people that are going to the reception have already spent a lot of money (gift, travel, babysitter, maybe a new outfit). I know personally, I could not justify spending any more money on alcohol and would not want to.
Open bar is something, in my mind, that I can do for the guest to thank them for spending the day with us a celebrating our marriage.
I know there are some strong opinions regarding this topic, but I think its just something you need to decide whether you care about what people think/say or you dont. And then stand by your decision.
Post # 22
You said you’ve been to both open and cash bars, but what is the norm in your area/social circle? Have almost all of them been open bars except for one or two?
I get that you’re trying to save money, but I think having a fully open bar for part of it and then a paid bar for the rest would be very annoying to me as a guest. Do they call last call before the cocktail hour is done? Then do I have to wait in a long line with everyone else trying to get as many free drinks before that’s cut off? These are things I don’t want to worry about at a wedding, especially during cocktail hour where most people are walking around mingling.
Can you not talk to your venue about doing a consumption bar like what was talked about in the other thread? I’m guessing they don’t allow you to bring your own liquor in…?
Post # 23
Even if cash bar is the norm in your circle, wouldn’t you want to be the one who breaks the norm and surprise everyone with alcohol that they don’t have purchase? I mean, I doubt any guest will get pissed that they didn’t get to shell out $X on alcohol at your wedding. Think about how much your wedding will stand out, in a good way, when your guests won’t have to go home with empty wallets?
Post # 24
Open bar–even if it’s just beer and wine the entire time–is the way to go. I’ve never been to a wedding or any other formal event, not even a fraternity formal, that didn’t do an open bar. It may have been a very limited bar like beer and wine or well drinks, but it was still an open bar.
But then again, I’m the person who would sooner buy a used version of my wedding dress than subject my guests to a cash bar.
Post # 25
If a guests side eyes you then they really don’t give a crap about you. The people at your wedding know you or should know you the best and know you have the best intentions at heart. Even when I was saying the friends drink ticket was tacky so what we came and gave no side eyes or say anything we were there to celebrate with them.
For my wedding it’s about us celebrating our marriage with family. Frankly I rather have a dry wedding as I don’t believe alcohol is needed. His family that’s a no no they love to drink and drink some more. No one has to open their wallets if they don’t want to. We are still providing drinks. I’m not pushing costs onto guests. Full open bar was never even an option in my book. Or put into my budget, our venue just happened to include it.
We are having the wedding we can afford with the people we love.
Post # 26
thats why you take money from the card- to pay for your drinks
Post # 27
In my area, it is very uncommon to have an open bar, my venue actually did not even offer an open bar package. I have only ever been to one wedding that had an open bar, and it was a $45,000+ wedding (the average in my area is $10,000). So I would not be offended by a cash bar. I would be annoyed if there was no bar. I would rather pay for my own alcohol than not have the option.
Post # 28
This whole conversation makes me so angry. As a wedding guest, you are attending because you care for the couple. Not for the free food and drink. You give a gift because you care for the couple, not because you hope to make x dollars back in booze.
cash bars are not the norm in my country.
I strongly believe in having the wedding you can afford. If that means cash bar and wine with dinner, do that. I am serving wine with dinner and champagne after the ceremony, as well as soft drinks. All other alchoholic drinks are cash
people who think that cash bars are cheap and tacky are entitled and tacky!
Post # 29
I guess I need to start putting cash in the card instead of a check, just in case. It sadly seems like people care less and less about hosting their friends and family properly.
Post # 30
Yes, as a guest you attend because you care for the couple and want to celebrate with them, not because you get free food and drink. But the couple should also care about their guests and host them properly. It is a two way street. Just because I love you and care for you doesn’t mean that I won’t be pissed if I have to shell out money for drinks because you planned an event you couldn’t afford.
And having a wedding you can afford does not mean you have a cash bar. If you have a cash bar that means that you couldn’t afford a bar to begin with so you shouldn’t have alcohol being offered at all. You don’t push costs off onto your guests. Period.
I think many times the cost of the bar is forgotten about. If having alcohol is important to you then that cost needs to be budgeted and made a priority. You don’t just plan everything and then if you don’t have enough money to cover the bar you then have a cash bar. That is not how proper planning and budgeting works.