Post # 32
I wanted to comment again after I read your other post. If no one is bringing gifts (sorry, I know this is tacky), then you are basically paying fo rthem to get drunk with the open bar. Yeah yeah…I know I am not supposed to expect gifts. I say, if you are serving wine with dinner, then you shouldnt have to do anything else. I want to withdraw my ‘tacky’ stamp and say that you should do what you feel most comfortable with…but, I think wine = alcohol so you dont necessarily have to provide a full assortment of drinks.
Post # 33
I’m sorry but I feel like cash bar is just unhospitable. I think there are plenty of options from full open bar to limited selection to no alcohol. Guests understand that budget is limited and you have to make choices. But asking people to pay for something when they are your guest is just kind of rude. This really only comes up in terms of alcohol, but could you imagine being at a wedding where you were asked to pay for your dinner? Like I think a photobooth would be super fun, but it’s not in our budget, so we won’t have one. I wouldn’t arrange a photobooth where people had to pay for their pictures to subsidize that.
Post # 34
Bulldoggrrl you made some excellent points! I am in the same boat! I have some heavy drinkers on my side as well, and Im not making them drink, and I wish they didnt!!! Mind you, I am NOT a drinker and I could care less about alcohol, but I still think the opinion is valid that it’s not TACKY to not pay for your guests drinks!
Our wedding is at an art gallery and I don’t feel like loosing my insurance deposit because some drunk fool decideds to dance with a $40,000 sculpture!! (oh my!!)
100% agree with everything you said!
Post # 35
@katrinab…I have recieved an invitation that asked guests to pay for their own meal!! It was crazy!! There were 3 choices and prices next to each choice…let’s say I was cool with it. Do I mail a check with the RSVP? Do I pay in cash once I get there? It was wierd…
Post # 36
I say do what you feel comfortable with – after all, it is your day. I would just let people know ahead of time. I went to a wedding with a cash bar and we weren’t told. I didn’t have any money with me and there was no ATM. So that got annoying.
I could see people thinking it’s weird that you spend so much money on a 5 course meal, but then don’t have an open bar. I also think that it looks somewhat disproportionate. But if you don’t care, then it doesn’t matter! It’s your wedding, you have to be comfortable with whatever you decide!
Post # 37
bulldoggirl- Wonderful comment! This clarified something for me, because I felt a bit guilty that I would be "making" my guests pay for part of their evening, however you are absolutely right, it is their CHOICE to drink beyond the wine that I’ll be providing. I don’t want pay for or be responsible for their drunkenness and overindulgence.
Post # 38
I think just having a limited bar is fine. To me, ‘cash bar’ means you’re not providing any alcohol whatsoever. If you provide beer and wine but then give guests the option of purchasing a liquor drink, I don’t see the harm in that. You’re providing enough to be hospitable but not enough to break the bank or go over-the-top.
Post # 39
For me I cannot afford an open bar for the duration of our reception. As much as I want to I just can’t. And reading comments about how it is tacky, our guests will think less of us etc hurts. Most of our guests will not be traveling more than 100 miles, about 5 people are. I was able to negotiate with the hotel we are celebrating at and have payed for every guest to have a room. Dinner, dessert coffee and soda are being provided and I am hosting the bar for the cocktail hour. After that if they want more they will have the option of a cash bar. I just don’t see how that is tacky or how that makes me an unhospitable host. I paid for the hotel rooms knowing that for a lot of people right now money is tight, I want them with us to celebrate and wanted to ease the financial burden as much as possible. And if that means they have to pay $10 at the bar, well to me that’s better than $200 for a room.
All that blabbing is to say pay for what you are comfortable with. If alcohol is out of the question there is no changing that. Your guests can and will have a good time without it and at least with a cash bar set up you are leaving them the option to have a drink if they choose.
Post # 40
tatrifon – I’d rather spend more on food because it’s more necessary than alcohol. Also, the people who ARE bringing gifts to the wedding don’t even drink anything beyond wine and champagne. Whereas, the rude ones who refuse to bring gifts are the alcoholics who are only coming for the free booze.
Post # 41
Anniebear – do what you want! Where I’m from – no one does open bar – and I mean NOTHING. No wine, beer, wine on table, champagne, etc. Now that I live inChicago, EVERYONE does open bar and people still bitch when it is closed for dinner. No matter how perfect you plan and try to be hospitiable, someone will bitch about something. Just do what you want! 🙂
P.S. We’re paying for wine, beer, and 2 signature cocktails. People only have to pay for hard alcohol, which will cost them about $2/drink, so I really don’t mind. And we’re also having a limo take people from the reception back to their hotels to deter anyone from drinking and driving. My family is Irish = big drinkers as well as our friends. So I feel like we’re fulfilling all their needs on the night of our wedding.
Post # 42
I don’t think it’s tacky or cheap. You’re already providing them with wine at the table and if they choose to have any other alcohol over and above the wine then that’s their choice.
I too, am doing a sit-down meal with wine served at the table with a cash bar. Of the 80 guests that will be attending the wedding, only 6-8 people would really drink anything out of an open bar so I don’t think it would fit our guests needs.
For those who think that it is being inhospitable or tacky to not have an open bar – would you think the same if it were a dry wedding or if no bar option were provided at all and only wine was served?
At the end of the day anniebear – it’s a day to celebrate you and your future husband..THAT’S the focus..do what makes you and your Fiance happy 🙂
Post # 43
I don’t think a cash bar is tacky at all. We are having wine, beer and champagne at our wedding along with soda, etc. There is going to be a bartender there to take cocktail drinks and other liquors. I think we will provide enough alcohol for everybody but if we had an open bar you know how much the tab will be? thousands of dollars! and we wouldn’t know how much exactly cause its based on consumption. We are paying for the wedding and we can’t afford to pay that much. Most of the weddings I’ve been to are cash bar and its not tacky.
Post # 44
I think as guests they should not have to pay anything, we have hor d’ouvres, 3 course meal and open bar for 5 hours straight including champagne toast; if I’m going to treat my guests it will be in style; in England people have cash bars; it depends on custom; here it is considered rude to make your guests pay.
One other thought is to limit the time frame i.e. no open bar 1 hour before ending; or perhaps doing a 2 or 3 hour open bar that way people can still enjoy themselves and you dont make them pay; then soda and non-alcohol in between, people are winding down anyway at the last hour and may have to drive home, just a thought
Post # 45
I think its a regional thing…I’m from the midwest and have never been to a wedding that had an open bar! Lots of people buy kegs so that beer is free (until its gone) or give the wedding party "tickets" to get free drinks…
I don’t think just because I’m getting married I am obligated to get everyone at my wedding sloshed on my tab! If I was attending a wedding I wouldn’t expect the couple to pay for my food, dessert, entertainment, PLUS all my drinks of my choice. I think if you can afford it, wine and maybe a signature drink are nice, but I would never look down on someone if they didn’t.
And I would never call someone else’s choice tacky…you never know what their situation is, and your guests will be honored to share the special day with you-whether or not the alcohol is free!!
Post # 46
I’ve been to weddings where they have a couple hours of open bar and then it becomes a cash bar. I don’t think it’s tacky. If the guests really want a drink then they’ll pay for one. It’s your wedding – do what you want.