Post # 1
Is there any polite way to ask for cash gifts? If people want to give us something, we’d prefer cash because we’re trying to save for a downpayment.
I have looked online and it says that couples find this to be the most difficult ettiqutte question to deal with. Some recommend hinting around about it on the wedding website. Some say don’t suggest you’d like money no matter what.
Fiance and I have been out of our parents’ houses for years. Some of our things could use an upgrade, like linens and plates, but we don’t need much. I don’t want to throw away all of our old appliances and cookware that still works just for the sake of getting “new stuff.” I don’t want to go crazy on home decor either… we’re still in an apartment and obviously don’t know what our future house looks like, so we don’t know how we would decorate it.
How should we handle the registry? Is it a good idea to make a minimal registry when we want cash gifts? If there are not a lot of items on there do you think people will take it as a clue and give cash? Or will they just think it’s weird and give us something we don’t need, like a blender? 🙂
I’d appreciate any suggestions!
Post # 3
I would go with a minimal registry!
That way people will either buy you something from the registry, a GC to the place where you have the registry or just cash!
I think cash is more common these days anyway! I went to a wedding last week and there were only two tangible gifts on the gift table!
Post # 4
What we are doing is a registry for our wedding showers for just a few items (since we have lived together for 4 years and bought a condo 2 years ago we don’t really need anything either). Then for our wedding we are asking for cash and our parents are spreading the word since we want to use the money to go to England for two weeks. At the wedding we are going to set up a little section that has a suitcase card box and pictures of england as well as the thing we want to do there. So far the people our parents have told about the cash wedding seem fine with it. Word of mouth is the best way to go also there are lots of nice little poems out there that you can put on your website like the one we used:
Soon we will hear our wedding bell,
As friends and family wish us well
Our household thoughts are not brand new
We have twice the things we need for two
Since we have our share of dishes and bedding
We’re having instead a wishing well wedding
But most important we ask of you
Your prayers of love and blessings too.
Post # 5
You could try some sort of combo registry option like http://www.depositagift.com/ which looks very customizable. That way people can give you gifts, money, whatever they want all in one place, and you don’t seem tacky because you have offered multiple options.
Post # 6
We have just a honeymoon registry and people have spread the word that we want money. We’ve been on our own for ten years and living together for two, so we already had to get rid of a lot of housewares when we started cohabitating.
We went to a wedding last weekend that was Chinese and they had a “red envelope” wedding. They had enveloped especially for people to stick money in and a treasure chest for the completed envelopes. Too bad our French-Canadian and Irish ancestors didn’t think of that.
Post # 7
I understand your situation, but I’d be very offended as a wedding guest if the couple asked for cash. I know that doesn’t help the situation, I just wanted to give you the perspective of how guests might react.
Post # 8
I agree with texasmeredith. I actually usually do give cash at weddings, but I would be very offended if the couple was specifically asking for it and had their friends and family spread the word. When someone chooses to give a gift to you, its completely up to them what they choose to purchase. I would strongly suggest that you do NOT put anything on your website about preferring cash, it’s very bad form. A minimal registry will likely give people the hint but you should graciously accept whatever is given to you.
Post # 9
I think we’ll stick to a minimal registry and hope people will get the hint. I know we might get criticized for this, but I’m going to a wedding in a few weeks and people are criticizing the couple for having too much on their registry.
I just don’t want people to feel like they have to buy the things on the registry, since some of the items will be more expensive (comforter, sheet set, digital picture frame come to mind). I guess I could put some wording on the website that would convey that.
@Texasmeredith and moose- Why isn’t word of mouth ok? I thought that is how people generally find out where you are registered? Do you mean the word of mouth is just rude if it is money?
What if people spread the word by saying something like “they think anything you would like to give would be wonderful, they’ve set up a limited registry at xxx for some basic things, but there is no room in their apartment for a lot of things people usually register for and they are trying to save for a house.” Or is that too passive-aggressive? 🙂
Post # 10
I just don’t think there is any really polite way to say “give them cash”. If someone asks where the couple is registered.. you simply tell them.. you can’t say “well they are registered at x and y… but they would really rather you give them cash”. The only time you could say that is if someone very specifically asks if cash would be preferred, then your family could say yes.
Post # 11
I think the best way to do it is by having a bare bones registry. Use it as the opportunity to ask for thngs you won’t buy yourself, like china or crystal if your into it. You’ll want at least enugh on a registry for a shower, or else you will get random things – lots of picture frames, for example.
Once a registry is complete, people will get you gift cards or cash. At least that’s what seems to happen around here.
Post # 12
Agreed with the other bees, the only way around it without worrying about offending anyone is just make a small registry. Mother-In-Law was constantly hounding us to put more stuff on our registry (we actually had a pretty big one, but 90% was purchased as shower gifts), but we didn’t want to so that people would give us more money as opposed to gifts at the reception. Not that we wouldn’t love the gifts, but by the time you hit the reception at least we were really hurting for money, so it is what we really needed the most.