Post # 1
My cousin’s baby shower was last weekend. We were out of town so I was unable to make it, but my mother went.
It was spread by word of mouth beforehand by her mother that the parents-to-be didn’t want gifts, they wanted money to put towards a really good stroller. At first I was a little “huh” since it’s a shower, and I thought the point of those was to play silly games and watch her open gifts, but whatever. I figured I’d take a card with some cash over to her after the shower and be done with it.
My mom called after the shower and said that if I haven’t given the money yet, I shouldn’t bother. I guess at the shower there were a few people who brought wrapped gifts and she refused to open them, saying something along the lines of “they shouldn’t have brought them”. Then my mother later heard through the grapevine (I know, I’m taking this bit with a grain of salt) that the mother-to-be was criticizing the amount of money people gave her for gifts. She was expecting to get $50 from each person, but most people were giving $15/$20.
I’m not sure what to do. My mother is saying ingratitude like that shouldn’t be further rewarded, and a card is more than enough. I figured I would just give the card and cash anyway ($20), but my husband is also saying we should give it to charity where it would be more appreciated, and just give her the card.
What would you do?
Post # 3
wow. just wow. Umm it may be obvious what my vote is.
Post # 4
Are you serious!? Who does that!
Post # 5
I feel like you should go with your gut. Do you feel that your cousin needs to be taught a lesson? If so, I would send a card with no money. If you want to just contribute and ignore what happened since you weren’t there, send a gift card too.
However it goes down, this girl sounds like a very special case.
Post # 6
Requesting cash is rude no matter what the occasion is, and most people do agree. Personally I wouldn’t attend or send a card.
Post # 7
I picked “Send card and money” but I have to elaborate. i would put $5 in the card.
Post # 8
Yeah i dont know what to say. Strollers are SUPER expensive, so i think its cool that she just asked for cash to put towards the stroller. My cousin did that as well and bought a super nice safe stroller that she cou;ldnt have afforded otherwise. But to be crtivcal about the amounts and stuff is AWFUL.
Depending on how close you are to this person would determine wether or not I would send a card.
Post # 9
Beyond rude by both the cousin and her mother. I completely agree with your husband and mother to not send them any money, but I wouldn’t send them a card either. If you do send anything, an etiquette book will be the better thing, but that could end up getting tossed out so best to not send anything if they are going to be that hostile toward everyone else. It’s also highly offensive on the cousin’s part to snub the people who sent wrapped gifts instead.
Post # 10
As someone who didn’t have a baby shower, I think every baby should be celebrated… even when the mom acts ungratefully. I think you should send a card and a gift of your choosing, whether that be cash or something else.
Post # 11
I agree with Mrs. Spring. A baby shower is so different from a wedding shower. If a bride did this you better believe I would be sending the book to teach her a lesson. But the baby is innocent, and still should be celebrated. I personally would send a gift that would be really useful to mommy and baby rather than feeding into her demands and sending cash.
Post # 12
True that the baby is innocent and should not be punished for the mother’s immaturity and hostility. But if she refused to have anything to do with the wrapped gifts at the shower, who is to say she wouldn’t toss out anyone else’s gift as well if it was not cash as she and her mom demanded? Also, if this is just her behavior at the shower before the child is born, I can only imagine what the child’s life will be like growing up with family like this. No gifts for birthdays or Christmas like everyone else since it will have to be a huge wad of cash or nothing at all. No child should be subjected to that type of environment and it is considered child abuse.
Post # 13
I understand that strollers are expensive but so are many other things you need to buy for baby. You’re cousin could’ve registered for some items and put gift cards on the registry. How much is she spending on a stroller anyways?! $50 per person is quite a lot depending on the number of guests attending. If people are giving her cash for the stroller she is then just going to need to head out and buy all of the other things needed for the baby, this makes no sense to me.
I would not send money because it sounds like she will be unhappy with whatever she gets unless you’re sending $50 which I don’t think you should.
Post # 14
@flamingred: That’s a GREAT answer!
Post # 15
She could have registered for the stupid stroller! Parents and immediate family LOVE pitching in to buy the pricey items on registries. Even though my husband and I are nowhere near ready for kids, and aren’t planning on any for a while, my mom has already claimed dibs on buying us a nice crib.
She should have registered for some small, medium and large gifts.
She sounds horribly selfish. I voted card and no money. Card because I’m overly nice, but no money because even though I’m overly nice, this irks me.
Post # 16
I would probably send her a card and gift of your choosing or a gift card. I personally wouldn’t send her cash. Though I like the whole etiquette book idea, but it would probably go to waste 😉