Post # 1
I’ve been trying to figure out a way to politely ask for no physical gifts. My fiance and I will be moving shortly after the wedding (he’s in the military and is going to be stationed elsewhere), so we’d really rather a cash fund so we can buy housewares in the new city instead of deal with the hassle of packing and moving everything. Another thing my mom was concerned about was that our wedding is going to be in a patio area of a public park so if there’s an entire gift table some shady character could try to swipe something (most likely the card box that would be more likely to hold cash/gift cards).
Some people have suggested just not having a registry (or having a very small one), implying that we want cash instead of physical gifts. I feel like if we go that route we’ll just end up getting 5 each of the standard toaster, waffle maker, etc. and have to return for store credits post-wedding. All of the family and friends that we’ve invited know that we’ll be moving shortly after the wedding and that we’re already downsizing our current belongings (clothes, knickknacks, etc.) to make that move easier, but even my future mother-in-law has asked a few times what I want for the wedding.
I’m thinking about mentioning something on our website about at least not bringing gifts to the actual wedding site (because of potential theft), but I’m not sure if some people would be offended by this. I genuinely don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but the thought of having to move all of those additional boxes and designate someone on the wedding day to fully keep an eye on the gift table just seems like more hassle than it’s worth.
Post # 2
Don’t have a registry. People don’t just buy random gifts nowadays except for Great Aunt Agnes and no matter how you set things up, Agnes is going to get you a toaster. Let some shady character at the park steal it. Everyone else is going to get your gift of cash if you do not have a registry. If you need to have a box to put cards in, put it somewhere that is high traffic for your family. Or near a guest who isn’t likely to get up and dance and wander around, like maybe a grandma I was just going to sit in a chair all night. That person can keep a vague eye it and no rando is going to walk in and take it from under their nose.
Do you not use an online cash registry. They take a cut. Nobody wants to gift an unknown person on a website when they could be gifting you
Post # 3
It’s improper for you to dictate or request anything at all regarding gifts and absolutely inappropriate to “register” ie ask people for money. Gifts are entirely at your guest’s discretion.
The most you can do, as suggested by others is not to register at all. Contrary to belief that implies only that you are not thinking of gifts at all, not that you want money. If anyone asks anyone close to you what you might want they can just say you have everything you need for right now and are saving up for the future. Your guests can connect the dots.
If anyone does brings an unwanted physical present, you just deal with it the way every other couple does by sending a thank you and returning, donating, or selling.
Post # 4
Just don’t register. If people ask just mention that you’re moving right after and are excited to see them at the wedding. You will get like 99% cash without having to be rude or look greedy to your guests.
Post # 5
A wedding I was a bridesmaid in last fall had every event under the sun, collected a bunch of money and gifts at each event, and then had the nerve to write ON their invitations that they wanted Cash in lieu of gifts so that they could pay for their honeymoon. Don’t be that person.
I would just forgo registering and chances are people will ask you and your fiance’s parents what you would like- at which point they can explain that cash would be better suited to your circumstances at this time. I feel like that’s the classiest way to go about it.
Post # 6
Another vote for just don’t register. Especially if you casually mention that you are moving soon after the wedding people will absolutley just give you cash.
Post # 7
Definitely skip the registry. Or just put like 10 things on it that wouldn’t be horrible to pack. Make no mention of wanting cash.
Post # 8
Unfortunately, there is no tactful way of saying, “Please pay me to attend the wedding.” Whereas etiquette has determined asking for specific gifts to be okay (which is kind of weird, too), it has not yet evolved to include what all married couples REALLY want – money. So the best you can do is to not register and put the box either by a desentary relative or bolt it onto a table. As PPs have mentioned, Great Aunt Agnes will get you a toaster or a bread box no matter what, so you can’t stop everyone, but most other people will get the hint and give cash instead.
Post # 9
I believe that in the case of a miliary member getting deployed shortly after the wedding, etiquette would allow an exception. Rather than not register and hope people get the message and giift cash,or specifically asking for cash with a registry, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to mention on your website: “Plese note that John and Morgan will be stationed elsewhere shortly after the wedding and must limit their personal luggage.”
No menton of gifts whatsoever.
Post # 10
If you don’t register any where most people will get the idea. Unfortunately I don’t think there is anyway to explicitly say that you want cash rather than physical gifts which will not be seen as rude by some if not most people.
Post # 11
Id say dont register. We didnt and 1 out of literally 250 people gave us cash. The 1 gave us a pots and pans set. I think if you put on the registry that you’re afraid of theft, they wouldnt even bring cash? Because thats easier to steal than a chunky toaster box? Lol.