Cash Registry? Wedding Etiquette

posted 4 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6930 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Don’t have a registry. People don’t just buy random gifts nowadays except for Great Aunt Agnes and no matter how you set things up, Agnes is going to get you a toaster. Let some shady character at the park steal it. Everyone else is going to get your gift of cash if you do not have a registry. If you need to have a box to put cards in, put it somewhere that is high traffic for your family. Or near a guest who isn’t likely to get up and dance and wander around, like maybe a grandma I was just going to sit in a chair all night. That person can keep a vague eye it and no rando is going to walk in and take it from under their nose. 

Do you not use an online cash registry. They take a cut. Nobody wants to gift an unknown person on a website when they could be gifting you

Post # 3
Member
13539 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s improper for you to dictate or request anything at all regarding gifts and absolutely inappropriate to “register” ie ask people for money. Gifts are entirely at your guest’s discretion. 

The most you can do, as suggested by others is not to register at all. Contrary to belief that implies only that you are not thinking of gifts at all, not that you want money. If anyone asks anyone close to you what you might want they can just say you have everything you need for right now and are saving up for the future. Your  guests can connect the dots.

If anyone does brings an unwanted physical present, you just deal with it the way every other couple does by sending a thank you and returning, donating, or selling. 

Post # 4
Member
8219 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Just don’t register. If people ask just mention that you’re moving right after and are excited to see them at the wedding. You will get like 99% cash without having to be rude or look greedy to your guests.

Post # 5
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

A wedding I was a bridesmaid in last fall had every event under the sun, collected a bunch of money and gifts at each event, and then had the nerve to write ON their invitations that they wanted Cash in lieu of gifts so that they could pay for their honeymoon. Don’t be that person.

I would just forgo registering and chances are people will ask you and your fiance’s parents what you would like- at which point they can explain that cash would be better suited to your circumstances at this time. I feel like that’s the classiest way to go about it. 

Post # 6
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Another vote for just don’t register. Especially if you casually mention that you are moving soon after the wedding people will absolutley just give you cash.

Post # 7
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Definitely skip the registry. Or just put like 10 things on it that wouldn’t be horrible to pack. Make no mention of wanting cash.

Post # 8
Member
7663 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Unfortunately, there is no tactful way of saying, “Please pay me to attend the wedding.” Whereas etiquette has determined asking for specific gifts to be okay (which is kind of weird, too), it has not yet evolved to include what all married couples REALLY want – money. So the best you can do is to not register and put the box either by a desentary relative or bolt it onto a table. As PPs have mentioned, Great Aunt Agnes will get you a toaster or a bread box no matter what, so you can’t stop everyone, but most other people will get the hint and give cash instead.

Post # 9
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I believe that in the case of a miliary member getting deployed shortly after the wedding, etiquette would allow an exception. Rather than not register and hope people get the message and giift cash,or specifically asking for cash with a registry, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to mention on your website: “Plese note that John and Morgan will be stationed elsewhere shortly after the wedding and must limit their personal luggage.”

No menton of gifts whatsoever.

Post # 10
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

If you don’t register any where most people will get the idea. Unfortunately I don’t think there is anyway to explicitly say that you want cash rather than physical gifts which will not be seen as rude by some if not most people.

Post # 11
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Id say dont register. We didnt and 1 out of literally 250 people gave us cash. The 1 gave us a pots and pans set. I think if you put on the registry that you’re afraid of theft, they wouldnt even bring cash? Because thats easier to steal than a chunky toaster box? Lol. 

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