Post # 1
all of these posts about cash bar and how much to give as a gift made me think of something i experienced. tell me what you think of this….
a couple of years ago i got a wedding invitation in the mail and had no idea who they were. after reading the rsvp email, i figured it was for my cousin’s son (who i have never met) and his girlfriend. i talked to my dad to confirm (it would be his sister’s grandson). i was curious as to why i was invited. he told me that they invited everyone they could think of and they didn’t register for gifts because they only wanted cash for gifts. they didn’t have a regular dinner, it was potluck & cash bar and i think they used the church basement. they weren’t out of pocket for any typical wedding stuff. normally for a young couple trying to get a life started, i would find this accepting, however, my cousin & her husband have never worked, nor does her son (20’s). they were just trying to ‘cash in on a wedding’. (my dad’s words).
i didn’t go.
Post # 3
Nope, if I don’t know the couple, even a little bit, I don’t go. That’s horrible (but I think a very different issue than the cash bar or gifting threads) to invite poeple just because you want a gift!
Post # 4
I would go if I actually knew them and cared about them. If I was in your place, I wouldn’t have gone.
Post # 6
No. It’s pretty normal to invite the entire extended family and then some in my culture and then some (400+ weddings are considered normal) so it wouldn’t be surprising to be invited as part of the family to a wedding of someone I’d never actually met. But it’s also a full on wedding and 9 course banquet… not really a gift grab… even though its also customary to give cash gifts. But anyways in your case, no way I would have gone.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t go if I didn’t know them. If I did know them, I’d tell them to get their tacky head out of their rude asses, and I still wouldn’t go. But I’m blunt like that :/
Post # 8
I wouldn’t go. Were they semi-close with your parents? Maybe they thought you would be offended if you didn’t get an invite?
Post # 9
If I knew them and wanted to support them I would have gone.. but in your sitation.. i dont think so!
Post # 10
I would probably decline but only because I don’t really know the couple.
Post # 11
No, I wouldn’t have gone. I’m not going to waste my time and money to attend a wedding for someone who I’ve never even met, distantly related or not.
Unfortunately a lot of people have this mentality. Before we were engaged, my aunt and I were talking about my hypothetical wedding. We have some family members who we see like every 10 years and she mentioned how I should invite them since we’ll be looking to “make money”. We didn’t get married to make money (though I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to turn a profit!) so I certainly wasn’t going to invite someone who means so little to me. Another aunt (the more level headed of the two) said something that has stuck with me ever since. “You shouldn’t invite anyone to your wedding who you wouldn’t invite over for dinner.” It’s so true and we really tried to stick to that when making our guest list. Sure, there were some people who we had to invite but for the most part, every single guest was a close friend or family member who we wanted to share our day with. Who would want to involve complete strangers on one of the most important days of their lives just to make a few bucks? Doesn’t make much sense to me.
Post # 12
@mypinkshoes: If I didn’t know the couple, I probably wouldn’t attend but I might still send a small gift because they sent me an invite.
Not to threadjack but, here’s a scenario for you: My FI’s mother is a very generous lady. She gives EVERYONE wedding, bday, baptism, INESERT OCCASION HERE, gifts and is not cheap about it. That being said, she has had very few opportunities to celebrate anything herself (or for her kids). Now that one of her sons is finally getting married, SHE (NOT ME) feels that it’s her turn to “cash in”. She has repeatedly told me that her people “owe” her son and his new bride gifts, even if they don’t attend, because she’s given to everyone else and their kids in the past. I DO NOT agree with this at all, but she put people on her guest list that she knew wouldn’t attend but would send gifts out of obligation. Some would see this as us trying to “cash in” but really is FI’s mom trying to cash in for us. Make sense? Again, I don’t agree with it, but when she gave me her guest list I didn’t know this was her intention (I thought it was people who might actually come).
Post # 13
No, I don’t think I’d attend a wedding of someone I didn’t even recognize when I got the invite, but I probably would send a small gift, so… I guess that’s even better for them.
Post # 14
@UpstateCait: So it’s NOT just my FI’s mom that looks at weddings as a way to “make money”?! Lol! I think this is just a terrible way to approach inviting people, but like I said, I didn’t know that was why she was inviting the people on her list. Gosh, I really hope these people don’t think we are gift grabby, I honestly thought they were friends/family she wanted there.
Post # 15
@mypinkshoes: i would never go to a wedding where i’d never met the person! i simply wouldnt feel comfortable.
so did you send a gift?
i wonder how many invites were sent out?
Post # 16
No, I wouldn’t go. It’s common in my culture to give cash as gifts (you probably would be considered rude if you didn’t give cash), however you will usually be given a 7-10 course meal + drinks at the reception. And usually the bride and groom invite people they know (+1s welcome). Trying to cash in by holding a “wedding” is not acceptable.