(Closed) cashing in on a wedding

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nope, if I don’t know the couple, even a little bit, I don’t go.  That’s horrible (but I think a very different issue than the cash bar or gifting threads) to invite poeple just because you want a gift!

Post # 4
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would go if I actually knew them and cared about them. If I was in your place, I wouldn’t have gone.

Post # 5
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow… ya I wouldn’t go. 

Post # 6
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No.  It’s pretty normal to invite the entire extended family and then some in my culture and then some (400+ weddings are considered normal) so it wouldn’t be surprising to be invited as part of the family to a wedding of someone I’d never actually met.  But it’s also a full on wedding and 9 course banquet… not really a gift grab… even though its also customary to give cash gifts.  But anyways in your case, no way I would have gone.

 

Post # 7
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t go if I didn’t know them.  If I did know them, I’d tell them to get their tacky head out of their rude asses, and I still wouldn’t go.  But I’m blunt like that :/

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t go. Were they semi-close with your parents? Maybe they thought you would be offended if you didn’t get an invite?

Post # 9
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If I knew them and wanted to support them I would have gone.. but in your sitation.. i dont think so!

Post # 10
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I would probably decline but only because I don’t really know the couple.

Post # 11
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

No, I wouldn’t have gone. I’m not going to waste my time and money to attend a wedding for someone who I’ve never even met, distantly related or not.

Unfortunately a lot of people have this mentality. Before we were engaged, my aunt and I were talking about my hypothetical wedding. We have some family members who we see like every 10 years and she mentioned how I should invite them since we’ll be looking to “make money”. We didn’t get married to make money (though I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to turn a profit!) so I certainly wasn’t going to invite someone who means so little to me. Another aunt (the more level headed of the two) said something that has stuck with me ever since. “You shouldn’t invite anyone to your wedding who you wouldn’t invite over for dinner.” It’s so true and we really tried to stick to that when making our guest list. Sure, there were some people who we had to invite but for the most part, every single guest was a close friend or family member who we wanted to share our day with. Who would want to involve complete strangers on one of the most important days of their lives just to make a few bucks? Doesn’t make much sense to me. 

Post # 12
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mypinkshoes:  If I didn’t know the couple, I probably wouldn’t attend but I might still send a small gift because they sent me an invite. 

Not to threadjack but, here’s a scenario for you:  My FI’s mother is a very generous lady.  She gives EVERYONE wedding, bday, baptism, INESERT OCCASION HERE, gifts and is not cheap about it.  That being said, she has had very few opportunities to celebrate anything herself (or for her kids).  Now that one of her sons is finally getting married, SHE (NOT ME) feels that it’s her turn to “cash in”.  She has repeatedly told me that her people “owe” her son and his new bride gifts, even if they don’t attend, because she’s given to everyone else and their kids in the past.  I DO NOT agree with this at all, but she put people on her guest list that she knew wouldn’t attend but would send gifts out of obligation.  Some would see this as us trying to “cash in” but really is FI’s mom trying to cash in for us.  Make sense?  Again, I don’t agree with it, but when she gave me her guest list I didn’t know this was her intention (I thought it was people who might actually come).

Post # 13
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

No, I don’t think I’d attend a wedding of someone I didn’t even recognize when I got the invite, but I probably would send a small gift, so… I guess that’s even better for them.

Post # 14
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@UpstateCait:  So it’s NOT just my FI’s mom that looks at weddings as a way to “make money”?!  Lol!  I think this is just a terrible way to approach inviting people, but like I said, I didn’t know that was why she was inviting the people on her list.  Gosh, I really hope these people don’t think we are gift grabby, I honestly thought they were friends/family she wanted there.  Frown

Post # 15
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

@mypinkshoes:  i would never go to a wedding where i’d never met the person! i simply wouldnt feel comfortable.

so did you send a gift?

i wonder how many invites were sent out?

Post # 16
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

No, I wouldn’t go. It’s common in my culture to give cash as gifts (you probably would be considered rude if you didn’t give cash), however you will usually be given a 7-10 course meal + drinks at the reception. And usually the bride and groom invite people they know (+1s welcome). Trying to cash in by holding a “wedding” is not acceptable.

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