(Closed) Casual sex/No strings attached … your thoughts?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 4
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

In my experience, this type of relationship always made me feel bad about myself.

Post # 5
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Some people can do casual sex, and some people can’t. I’m not one of those who could have NSA sex, but if you are, then go for it! I certainly don’t think ill of anyone with a FWB, and if someone does, so what? Do what makes you happy. Just make sure to be safe and keep open communication with this guy.

Post # 6
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

it’s the 21st century! do what you gotta do to get your rocks off. anyone judging you is a nasty busybody. just be careful, obviously. (and as much as you might think you won’t develop feelings, be prepared. It’s easy to do.)

Post # 7
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

How about you let him take you out on a date. 

I don’t like the idea of you meeting up just to have sex.

I am a three date kinda gal anyway

Post # 8
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Let me preface this by saying, I’m not ashamed of what I’ve done.  I know many people would crucify me for my past sexual escapades, but honestly, I don’t care.  

I think these situations only work if you AND the other person BOTH are 100% in agreement that this is not an actual relationship.  Sex isn’t the problem.  The problem arises when someone begins to get emotionally invested and want more.  

I had a great time when I was single.  I was safe, but I had many many partners and lots of fun.  I think you’re right.  Women should be able to sexually experiment and enjoy themselves.

However, not everyone is built this way.  If it’s going to cause you to feel poorly about yourself, don’t do it.  You want it to be a positive experience and fun, not something that you lay awake at night and feel crummy about.

Post # 9
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think NSA sex is a-ok. BUT, it can also be tricky…very tricky.  It is extremely difficult to keep emotions out of the bedroom.  And so, what happens when one person or the other wants to change a NSA status to something more? 

With that said, make sure you protect yourself, and definitely make boundaries – if you proceed – such as, are you open if/when one of you have NSA sex with someone else, provided this is more than a one time thing, etc?!

Beyond that, I feel you need not worry about any stigma attached to it.  It sounds like it could be a lot of fun 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@lolot:  This. I you feel certain you won’t develop feelings for this person, go for it! I had a great FWB deal with my one-time neighbor before Fiance and I met. We both knew what we were in for and there were no hurt feelings when it ended. However, I’ve also gone in for NSA sex and found myself wanting more, but that person didn’t feel the same way. That didn’t end well. I will advise you to be safe and make sure someone knows where you are, but other than that, you’re free to explore anything you want!

Post # 11
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Anon3847:  if you’re not looking for relationship material and aren’t feeling particularly vulnerable I see nothing wrong with it. I loved having casual sex every now and then when I was single. Too much of it and I felt in need of a connection though. I also live in a bigger city where  you can do a lot of things without worrying about your “reputation” and my friends were more amused than anything when I’d go through a phase 🙂 My good friends loved to hear my dating stories with no judgement after I got out of a long relationship. I know a lot of people on here live in small towns in which case I might have felt a bit more inhibited if I was worried everyone would know my business.

Post # 12
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

Why is it that when a man has casual sex, he’s being a man, but some people don’t like the idea of a woman doing it? I really don’t understand. Go for it. You don’t need permission from anyone. I think the ideal situation for casual sex is having it with someone you like and have open communication with so there’s no weirdness or jealousy, but for whatever reason is someone with whom a relationship would not work. Sometimes feelings develop, and sometimes men get cold feet because they think women are incapable of having sex without wanting a relationship. Just be careful because a condom isn’t a 100% guarantee for some things.

Post # 13
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think this is the best idea for several reasons. What if one of you becomes attached and the other one doesn’t? Also, I echo minniemluv, it also often leads to poor self-esteem. Sex is a really intimate thing so why give it to just anyone, especially someone who doesn’t love you?

Post # 14
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Anon3847:   Speaking as someone with extensive experience with casual sex, don’t fool yourself into thinking there will not be emotions involved when you have sex with someone, at some level.  One thing I learned in my “years of experimentation” was that, YES, casual sex is very fun.  But, casual sex is still sex.  And sex is intimate, no matter which way you slice it or define it.

Sex is bonding.  I don’t regret any of my past sexual experiences (except the one that was against my will but that’s not what I’m talking about here, that was violence, not sex).  I finally realized, though, that ultimately sex is just sex.  And sex will bond you to the other person, whether you consciously intend it so or not.  And then it can get weird.  You may want to let go and the other person doesn’t.  Or, you may start to have feelings but he doesn’t.  Some amount of jealousy almost always will be involved.

I’m not saying it’s a bad idea for you to have casual sex with this guy.  But my fear for you is that the very fact you’re thinking it through and mulling it over to this degree tells me you are not really the kind of woman who can be ok with doing it.  By that I mean ok with yourself about doing it.

If you do it, first of all throw to the wind any care whatsoever about what anyone else or “society” thinks.  Really, who gives a crap what anyone else besides you thinks about it?  (Well, him, of course, but that’s it).  It is nobody’s business except your own.  So, don’t tell anyone.

I will be honest here, though, and say that while I think casual sex can be fabulous, and it’s nice sometimes to have had that intimate contact but then get to go home alone and watch whatever you want on your own TV, in your own bed, and munch on some chocolate chip cookies at 3am, it’s also lonely to a certain extent. 

I’ve done the no-strings thing but the thing was – sex comes with strings, period.  It just does.  Keep that in mind and make sure you can deal with it.  Because the brutal truth is you will have to cut those strings off at one point or other.  Rarely do casual sex relationships become anything more meaningful.  It can happen but it’s not the rule.  Rather, someone getting hurt by it is the rule.  Ok?  If you can deal with the inevitable pain, go for it.  Also, it can become addicting, so there’s that danger.

It is  fun.  I would recommend it to anyone who does it spontaneously, who is a free spirit, unconventional, live-and-let-live kind of person at heart.  “Moral” or religious boundaries must be set aside for this and you have to ok with that as well. 

My concern for you is anyone who does this much thinking about it is bound to run into some deeper emotional issues in the long run.

Hope this helps. 

Post # 15
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lolot:  +1. Agree. Be safe about it, and be careful of catching feelings for the person, if it is meant to be NSA only.

@Sunfire:  +1.

Post # 16
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lolot:  This, exactly.

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