(Closed) Casual Wedding – Nightmare Mum (LONG)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
273 posts
Helper bee

Eh, I think your mum has a point about the alcohol. Will it be available, just not provided by you? I can’t imagine many people in the UK being happy about going to a completely dry wedding. If you’re on a budget, I don’t even think you have to provide anything for free, but having a bar available is a basic courtesy. I’m not even much of a drinker myself, but it would still make me annoyed not to have the option to have a glass of something at a social gathering.

I don’t think a wedding is all about the bride and groom, I think you have to strike a balance. Your guests are taking time out of their lives to come and see you get married, you should be giving something in return. If someone invited me to their wedding and it was just a bbq and some country music on an ipod, with no bar and no real dancing, I wouldn’t think “laid back”, I’d think “lazy”. If you want completely low key then you should elope. If you’re hosting a wedding, then you have to actually provide some things.  A bar (not free booze, but the option to purchase it if they want to) is the very least of that, unless you’re religious and a significant amount of your guests are too.

So while your mum shouldn’t be interfering quite so much, I do think you should listen to her on some things.


Post # 5
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Do you what you want and tell your.mom this your wedding you will.do it how you want.  Just be firm but nice.

Post # 6
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m not a big fan of BBQ or country music and I would LOVE your wedding!

It sounds like it’s going to be SO much fun!

100% you two, the family you love most, and your closest friends. That’s who SHOULD be at your wedding!

Post # 7
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We did a formal wedding without alcohol. If people hated it, they kept their comments to themselves. Our day was perfect! Do what YOU want, it’s YOUR day!

Post # 8
27 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your wedding sounds like so much more fun than a formal wedding. Just make sure people know ahead of time what to expect.

Post # 9
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I got engaged about a month ago and my mum is not happy at all with Fiance and I’s decision to have a tiny weddinI. I have a huge family and if it was up to her we’d invite every single toms down to great aunts and uncles, second cousin and even more distant relatives many of whom I have no idea who they are and don’t recall ever meeting them. Fiance has a tiny family and we have only a handful of friends so if my mum got her way my wedding would be 90% my family members. I used to want a relatively big wedding (maybe 50-60 people being the friends and family I actually know and am close to) but my Fiance told me he would not be happy with a wedding that big as he hates to be the centre of attention. I was very slightly disappointed but I quickly came round to an alternative- a small, intimate wedding with our parents, siblings and grandparents only, in a quiet, beautiful location somewhere- no walking down the aisle, no speeches, no wedding cars, no favours, just a simple ceremony and sit down meal for 10-12 people. I still want the big dress though and I hope Fiance will still wears a kilt 🙂

My mum is really not pleased though and at first she was like ‘oh but we have to invite so and so’ etc. In the end I said we would have a big party at some point later but even then I don’t want to invite randoms that I don’t even know who they are! Currently I’m not arguing much about it as the wedding will be at least 2 years away but I can see this leading to a lot of arguments later. I think mums just feel entitled to do a lot of the wedding planning for you, especially when it’s their only daughter getting married! 


Post # 10
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Ps your wedding sounds wonderful! I think you need to stand firm with your mum because I’m getting the impression with mine that if I start to compromise a bit she will try even harder to get other things that she wants.

In saying all this I love my mum 🙂 IMO she should be happy she’s one of the chosen few I actually plan to have at my wedding!

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