(Closed) Cat causing relationship stress, how to diffuse?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Eh, I’m with your husband.  All that fur and the cat all over the place where you eat?  Blech.

Post # 3
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I draw the line with kitty on the dining room table too.  Gross!  If the cat was there first then he knew what he was getting into before marrying you he needs to figure out a way to deal with the cat but you also need to help him with compromises.

Maybe line the countertops and dining room table with foil for a few weeks to deter the cat from jumping up?  I ended up confining my cat to a safe room with his litter box (it was an 800 sq ft living room with a door) when I was in bed or at work so he could do whatever and wouldn’t end up on my counters or dining room table while I wasn’t at home.  I never had an issue with him jumping on anything but the couch which he was allowed on.  Shutting him up in the study while you aren’t home doesn;’t sound cruel to me at all.

If it causes this much tension in your relationship, it may be worth rehoming the cat with a trusted friend or family member.  I also find it concerning that he charges and pretty much verbally abuses your cat. Who knows what else he does to it when you’re not home?

Post # 5
8592 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have you ever tried those canned air things that go off when the kitty gets near? Might be worth a try.

Post # 6
6699 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

TripleNickle:  Question, did your Darling Husband knew about the cat or you got the cat later?

Post # 7
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Keep a spray bottle filled with water on the surfaces where you don’t want your cat to go. Give him a spray in the face and say NO when you see him on a surface. Keeping the spray bottle on the counter/table will remind him not to jump on said surface. And you don’t have to yell the hell out of the cat, either. 

This is totally separate from the fact that your husband yelled at you and still continued to do so after you were visibly upset. You guys need new ways of negotiating conflict. 

Post # 11
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

TripleNickle:  I think people who love animals should be together and people who don’t should be with each other. I guess you are already married so that is not an option. I would put the cat in a different room when you eat as the compromise.

Post # 12
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

The cat lived with you before he did. Cat is not going ANYWHERE and is not getting locked in the study. That’s just not right.

Now, you should definitely work with your husband and start disipline the cat better, so maybe bring the water spray bottle back or whatever. But your husband needs to be on your team as you try to retrain the cat, NOT yell at you for the cat being the cat.

Post # 13
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Locking a cat in a room is just cruel… I sometimes lock our cat out of our bedroom or bathroom and it sounds like she is being murdered because she knows we are there but not with her. As long as you are cleaning up after her I see no issue with counter surfing or being on the table… but at the end of the day if that is what gets at him you should work on training. 

I chase my cat daily and even sometimes charge at her. That is the only thing that gets her moving other than picking her up and having to carry her – I don’t think it has ever genuinly scared her because once I catch up to her I’ve never done anything to her – sometimes she seems to think it is even a game. (which for your Darling Husband can be a problem, if the cat begins to think that the chasing away is a game then he’ll just keep on popping up where you don’t want him for attention). 

Regardless of whose cat he was first and who is coming into the relationship, he should be a member of the family. Our cat was orginally FI’s for a few years until we started dating but now that we live together the cat is a member of our family (she is actually so much more closer to me now). You should convince him to make this a team effort, try to get him to imagine that the cat is your child first off, and then work together to train the cat on how you both want him to behave.

Post # 14
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You could put flypaper on the table, aluminum foil, or even some mouse traps under some heavy paper so that the noise scares them, but won’t hurt them. Worked for me.

Post # 15
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

TripleNickle:  your husband should not be intentionally scaring your cat. That only leads to other negative behaviors. Perhaps you can speak with your husband about agreeing to train the cat together, and explain that he should be telling the cat “no” if he sees him on the table or countertop. It is important that he be on board with this, and it will be helpful for your relationship if you can treat this as a problem that you hope to jointly solve together. In terms of the cat, try the spray bottle technique or sticky tape. You may even want to put things on top of the table that will prevent him from jumping on it while you aren’t Home. Also, does your cat have a cat tree? Perhaps he is looking for his own space with some height to it. If he does not, I would suggest investing in one. 

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