(Closed) Cat owners: need ADVICE! I think I HATE our cat!! :-(

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

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BurlapnLace:  I’ve never heard of a cat being an asshole who was adopted so young and therefore able to get accustomed to people. Did you snuggle her a lot when she was little?

Post # 19
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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BurlapnLace:  I’m not really a cat person. I have relatives with cats and their personalities are polar opposites, and didn’t change as they grew older or were spayed. Cats are generally more independent animals than dogs, so I’m a dog person. If I ever were to get a cat I really hope it would be affectionate, but this isn’t guaranteed. I don’t think you can change your cat.

Post # 20
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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BurlapnLace:  We are a blended furry family.

I brought an 8 year old cat into the relationship.

He brought a 7 year old 85 pound lab mix into the relationship.

We adopted a little kitten furbaby together.

My older cat is much more calm these days, and he’s a bit of a grump, too. He loves to snuggle next to you on the couch, or in bed, but he does not like being held. Seriously. He’s a loving purring sweet cat, and the moment you pick him up, the only way to get him to stay more than 2 seconds is to hold him very close and control his paws. But I always put him down the moment he starts to indicate he wants to because he’s come to trust that I won’t keep him held for too long.

If someone were to startle him when I were holding him, I’d be scratched. Not because he wants to scratch me, but because he’s trying to run for cover and he happens to have claws.

Try holding your little guy close, not out away from your body, and hold him like a baby with his rump supported and his shoulders, so that he feels secure, but place him down anytime he starts to struggle. 

My other little guy, the kitten is a maniac. He’s really into hiding behind curtains or anything draped over a chair and trying to get you. I have to keep his nails trimmed because his little kitten claws are SHARP, and he hasn’t quite learned when he needs to sheath them.

The dog and the kitten are best buddies. They sleep together often.

Post # 21
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Random question… how big is her territory? I mean, you’re in the US, right, so I guess she’s a house cat… in that case, she may benefit from expanding her territory by adding vertical space eg arboreal walks, cat trees. If she already has a large territory, you might consider adding another cat, if you have the space (because she is so young, she is more likely to tolerate it). House cats benefit from company far more than outdoor access cats (and are also far more prone to behavioural problems).

Post # 22
6885 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@BurlapnLace It really depends on what kind of cat she is. Our cat is a tortie and they are known to be hyper even older. Sounds like your cat is just typical cat behavior. Our cat is really my cat but she really doesn’t like me. She loves my DH and barely tolerates our toddler (don’t blame her on the toddler part, he likes to try to pull her tail). Cats are just finicky

Post # 23
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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BurlapnLace:  she may mellow out, she may not. Each cat has a different personality and unfortunately all of them are going to be cuddly like we want. She’s still young so her behavior may change. I have 4 cats and they are all different.  One comes up on the couch or bed when you call him, another lounges around anywhere he wants, another likes going into the bathroom when i do (sick..i know) and the youngest, (5 yrs) does what he wants. He doesn’t like to be held. He insists on being on the dinner table when we eat pawing at our food, and he is NOT a cuddler. But it’s who he is and I love him and all of them for how different they are.

Post # 24
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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BurlapnLace:  LOL.  You just described my late cat!  She never stole food but she could be aggresive for sure.  Not super snuggly when she was younger.  110% alpha female.  She owned our house.  She definitely got nicer the older she got.  She was iffy with strangers but for the most part, if she didn’t like you she stayed away.  As she got older, she did become a lap cat.  I learned her signals well though so I knew when to stop petting to avoid bites.  And boy could she bite.  It was so bad when she was younger, she bit my nose so I got mad and bit her back.  LOL – don’t recommend it.  Hair in your mouth.  Bleh.

She was the only cat we couldn’t train to not use the furniture as scratching posts, to not get on tables, to not attack feet.  But gosh she was funny.  Try to find the humor in it if you can.  We developed a great game of playing tag.  God forbid you wanted to stop before she was tired though.

It will get better.  Just have patience and a gentle hand when she wants it.  Also, looking back at all my family’s affectionate cats (came from a family where there were 2-3 cats at all times growing up), they were all males. 

ETA: Do you know her history?  Before you adopted her?  The Dr. thought my cat’s aggresive tendencies may have been due to her life before we got her.  She was actually a rescue.  We got her from a foster family who hadn’t had her long.  They found her in an alley at about 5 weeks old – the mom and the rest of the litter were dead.  So not knowing how long she’d been on her own and not having the litter to play with and learn what does/doesn’t hurt, could have led to her aggresive personality.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by  MrsEvergreen.
Post # 25
227 posts
Helper bee

Cats can be pretty uncontrollable, which I imagine is pretty frustrating after having dogs most of your life.

I have a cat that used to be like yours – nutty, grumpy, non-cuddly, etc. Now that he’s 10 years old, he will finally let me pick him up for about 20 seconds here and there, but he never snuggles. He will still swat at me if I pet him when he’s not in the mood. I’ve finally given up on him being a lap cat, and I’ve learned to be happy with when he voluntarily lies down a few feet from me, because I figure that’s the best I’m ever going to get. It actually makes me SUPER happy when he gets that close, because it’s a big deal.

I’ve noticed that the more stimulation he gets, the calmer he tends to be. He loves playing with string and chasing laser pointers most, and he’ll take out some energy on his scratching post pretty often too. Without those things, he can be a bit insane.

It’s been a very slow process, but he’s gotten a bit more affectionate with me, so I’m guessing that you could condition your cat to like you more. Tuna, playtime, and strategic pets have more or less worked for me – give your cat things she likes, and she might give back once she recognizes you as someone she likes for a specific reason.

Post # 27
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it’s great that you are thinking of getting a ragdoll. They are awesome cats. Maine Coons are also generally very laid back and affectionate.

Everyone has already given you pretty good advice. Cats all have very different personalities. That’s why I specifically got a cat that outgrew his kitten stage- you really can’t tell what their personality will be like when they are a crazy kitten. He snuggled up to me right away which showed me he liked attention and wasn’t afraid of strangers. I’ve said this before on other threads, but generally male cats will be more affectionate than females. I’ve witnessed it myself and have heard it from multiple breeders.

Your cat is still young, I would say in another year or so she should calm down. Some cats will never be lap cats but you can at least train them to behave. Like a PP said, positive reinforcement and play works much better than discipline because cats do whatever the hell they want.

On My Cat From Hell, usually the aggression stems from not getting enough play. Another cat to play with will definitely help with this.

Good luck with your kitty and possible future kitties 🙂

Post # 28
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I have had cats most of my life and currently have 2. I’ve had dogs too and they are totally different creatures.

I’d put your kitty in a different room while you’re eating. We occasionally have to do that for one of mine (D) while the other one (E) could care less about people food. We got E as a kitten and we never gave her people food so she doesn’t bother us while we’re eating. We got D when he was around 3 from my uncle and my uncle must have fed him from the table. He goes mad for some stuff and has to be put into a different room.

I live in the country and put my cats outside where they get all their hunting needs fulfilled. Make sure you have toys for your kitty to play with (mine love balls with bells and little stuffed mice in the winter). A scratching post or cat tower is a good thing to have as well. My cats are super affectionate but only on their own terms.

Post # 29
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your kitten sounds like my cat! He is almost 3 and is super hyper. He follows us when we have food and when we sit to eat, he’s all up in our business. He likes to play and doesn’t like being held very often. He starts squirming after about half a minute. He does like to be petted and cuddled when he wants to and will make it known. 

I agree with other posters, if you want her to chill out, play with her! When my cat is super hyper, I take out the want or laser and let him run around for a bit. He ends up tiring himself out and falls asleep. 

I’m a cat person though, so anything he does is cute (even when it’s super annoying)!

Post # 30
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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BurlapnLace:  I would take the advise from others to play with her and wear her out; this is good for bonding. But you also cannot be upset that you picked her up and she scratched you, when you know she is not the pick-up or cuddley type. That’s just who she is. Don’t try picking her up or grabbing her anymore. It’s as simple as that. I don’t like that stuff either, even when it’s someone I love, like my SO. Being picked up is more traumatic to your cat than it is for you being scratched and I think that’s why your partner feels the need to calm the cat instead of you. His relationship with the cat is not the best measurment of how he will be as a parent…

In our home, we have 2 cats. One is very independent. We’ve learned to leave her be, unless she approaches us for love. I know that picking her up or snuggling without her approval will end with scratches on my body. We leave her alone, except for play time or a stroke on the head as I’m walking by. I do always talk to her. She seems to like that a lot and will roll around. Sometimes she will approach me and stand up against me. This is how I know it’s ok to pick her up or give her a good rubbing. She is about 4 years old. I lover her to death, despite her sassy attitude. I actually think that’s why I love her so much.

The other cat is like a human baby. He likes to be craddled like a baby and if I go too long without paying him attention, he cries and whines for it. Where ever I sit or lay, he wants to be there and will suckle himself to sleep. He’s already a year old.

Maybe you could try getting another cat for you and your current cat to bond with. That’s what really mellowed our sassy cat out. She’s more affectionate since getting our 2nd cat (the baby) and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she is playing all day 🙂

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