- 12 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
I’m too embarrassed to post under my real name – so, please don’t discount this as a new person posting.
This particular thing hasn’t happened in a long time, but it made a red flag go up and I don’t know how to confront the situation and am hoping for some advice.
Fiance and I have been together for over 4 years. Throughout the course of those years, I’ve caught him in little white lies – all very similar things, and never any huge lies. Needless to say – it totally erodes my trust in what he tells me.
To further complicate matters, I don’t feel like I can confront him on it, because I was SNOOPING. And, of course I was snooping, because I have major trust issues from the previous times he’s told little white lies (can you see the unhealthy cycle)??
So, the snooping today was looking at his bank statement. I have online access to all his accounts. I hadn’t looked at it in some time, and I looked at it today. I noticed that he made a purchase at his favorite b’fast place (it’s his day off today).
In talking to him on the phone this afternoon, he tells me about his day and how he went to said b’fast place. Then he tells me he was sitting there and someone knocked over a glass of water on his lap and the guy felt so bad he paid for his b’fast.
There are two other times I can specifically recall catching him lying about stuff – all money related – was a few months ago. He visitied a friend of his at work and went to lunch. There was about a $45 charge on his bank statement from that friend’s workplace. He showed up with two shirts and told me his friend gave them to him for free.
The other time was a couple years ago. He had found a new roommate after hunting for some time and the two of them went to dinner. I ended up seeing the receipt from dinner and he had clearly paid. I should have brought that up, but I never did.
We are around each other enough that I am confident there is nothing bigger he’s ever hidden from me (so I think, I suppose), but I’m really baffled at why he would lie about stupid stuff like this. We are saving for the wedding, but he knows I wouldn’t care if he goes out to b’fast or if he buys shirts. He does those things normally, so there is nothing for him to hide.
I canNOT fess up that I was looking at his bank statement online, though. We got into several HUGE fights in the past about me snooping in his cell phone and looking through calls/texts. He made some caddy remark about if I would be looking at his bank statements next. I know that if I fessed up, he’d be livid and feel violated to no end (yes, there is a bigger issues here of why I do it in the first place). And, honestly, I feel like I have the right to. I’ve told him that I think our lives should be an open book and either of us should be able to look at the other’s stuff at any time. He feels completely disrespected when I do so (and I understand why).
The scary thing for me is I actually think this could be a deal breaker for me. But, I want to tread lightly. Right now the charge shows up as pending. Could it be that they reversed it after the other guy paid? Could it be that he went another day and the pending charge just showed up today (maybe, but with his schedule, completly unlikely).