Thanks everyone for your comments thus far… it’s very helpful in my processing, etc.
To try to answer the questions that have been thrown out there….
Fiance wasn’t really into doing anything online until I tried to help him clean up his finances. I helped him setup accounts for everything he has and was the one who created the logins/passwords. So, it’s true – he didn’t really give me ‘permission’ to look. And, I agree that I shouldn’t be looking without his knowledge.
We are having finanial issues in terms of I’m carrying a big share of the finances between the two of us and he’s working hard to pay off his debt. We’ve gotten into a major fight about this recently and it came out that he feels lame that he can’t do more and that I have to shoulder the burden. His spending issues are going out to eat/drink. He isn’t a big shopper, but used to love buying big ticket items or accessories for hobbies. He’s since tailed all of that down and together we’ve seriously paired down our going out – to the degree we really don’t very often. He knows I’m stressed out about money – so, lying about spending is starting to make more sense to me – although, still completely unacceptible. I think this would definitely make sense as to why he would lie about spending money – and it absolutely kills me that he feels bad about spending money.
I asked him before bed last night if he thinks I’m anal about money and he said yes. I am definitely the saver between the two of us and will cut costs everywhere. I’m a strong believer that all those dollars end up adding up. He is more of a spend it now, and let’s figure it out later kind of guy. There was another charge for $45 for a restaurant on the bill (from yesterday). He had met up with an old friend for lunch and I was asking him about it and what they did etc. He told me he had an appetizer platter – and specifically mentioned it was $8. Which made me think that he really IS worried that I’ll be upset he’s spending money when we are trying to save for the wedding and pay off his debt. I definitely think a conversation needs to be had where we can figure it all out. I told him over dinner last night that we need to sit down and figure out our budget again and he agreed.
@amariem25 – I absolutely love the idea to open a joint and seperate accounts. I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle finances for sometime and like that idea a lot. It will give him the freedom to do as he chooses with money and not feel like he’s ruining our joint financial goals.
I’m definitely going to be the one managing finances over the long run although, everything won’t always show up on a statement because he likes to use cash a lot (I’m a 100% card user). But, if we go with the joint and seperate accounts, we should be fine!
And, I agree with all of you who said that the trust issues need to be brought up. We start a marriage prep course this weekend and part of that is some counseling sessions. I will definitely bring up my need to snoop and work on figuring out why I feel this way. I know I have major trust issues and going behind his back is never right. I do strongly stand behind the feeling that each of our bank accounts, etc should be an open book to the other. But, I also realize, he’s got to be 100% on board with that conept too.
He was only in one other serious relationship before me and was engaged to her but I don’t really know what money issues they had. I’m pretty sure he foot the bill for everything – because early on, he mentioned how she would shop all the time and it would cost him a fortune. From what I’ve seen, he’d spend freely and buy fairly big ticket toy items or treat a group of people to dinner, etc….
Regarding if he’s testing me – I really don’t think he is (although, who knows). I don’t think the charge at the b’fast place is for anything else. He goes to this place on his day off and he orders the same thing. I noticed the week prior, it was the exact same charge (to the penny), so I know it had to be that. Talking about it on the boards reminded me of another incident where he went fishing with my best friend’s husband. He had to get all new equipment and spent something like $350 on it, but told me it was $225. I didn’t think anything of it until the husband told me he spent $350… I know I confronted him about why he told me it was less… stupid me doesn’t remember when he said!! But, I think he implied that the husband was wrong (even though the hubby was spot on) – (yes, I snooped and looked at how much was on the bank statement).
That’s the latest. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and advise.