(Closed) Catholic bride & Jehovah Witness groom…

posted 6 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 4
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Congrats!

A JOP is definitely NOT your only option. Would your Fiance still like to have a religious ceremony, just not in a church? Because I’m sure you can find a priest or minister who will marry you in a non-church setting (this is what we did). 

You could also have a friend or family member become certified and marry you. I have several friends who’ve done this for other friends. 

You can really customize your ceremony and make it as religious or secular as you want, in whatever setting. The sky is the limit. 

Post # 5
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

I grew up Catholic and have been VERY involved– even going on a year long mission and worked at my parish for years. I absolutely, 100% expected to get married at church. I fell in love with an agnostic. He would actually be willing to marry at church, but I know he wouldn’t feel comfortable. So our plan is for my cousin (who was ordained online and has married several couples) marry us in a civil ceremony. Then on Sunday we’ll go to Mass and have the marriage blessed (primarily for my father’s sake.). 

Lots of people get married by non-demoninational pastors in gardens and on beaches everyday! You don’t have to do JOP if you don’t want to.

Post # 7
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@ravenhairedgirl_12:  Yes!! People get their marriages blessed after the legal wedding ALL THE TIME and the Church sees these as the same as if you got married in the Church to begin with (i.e. you’d have to have it annulled if you wanted to remarry). Talk to your pastor or deacon. See what your options are. I would approach it from a “I really want to have the marriage recognized by the Church after we’re legally married” angle. Shouldn’t be a problem.

Post # 9
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Having your marriage blessed is the same as getting married in the Church’s eyes. So, yes… it should be the same. If your grandparents are REALLY concerned, you could even do it beforehand… making that the first wedding, which may feel more “real” to them… and then just have any minister or whoever do a civil ceremony.

You could recieve communion & go to confession even if your marriage wasn’t blessed. The only “sin” would be if you got married by the church, got a civil divorce, did NOT get annulled and then got remarried. In that case, because you didn’t get an annullment the Church would still consider you married and you’d therefore be committing adultery with your second husband. 

Good luck!!

Post # 10
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@ravenhairedgirl_12:  

@MexiPino:  

What Lia is talking about is a convalidation.  This is not something you can do by planning your wedding and showing up at Sunday Mass, taking the priest aside as he’s shaking people’s hands and asking him to bless your marriage as if he’s blessing a rosary or religious medal.

http://www.catholicdoors.com/faq/qu390.htm

http://www.americancatholic.org/messenger/feb2004/feature2.asp

http://catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/civil-ceremony-first.htm

Do also be aware, that Catholics tend to be advised from attending ceremonies that would be considered invalid.

http://www.catholic.com/blog/jim-blackburn/should-i-attend-the-wedding-or-not

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MexiPino:  This isn’t quite true.  Sex outside of marriage is considered sinful, as is getting married outside the Church (because you are showing the world that you believe a legal marriage = a marriage in the Church, contrary to Church teachings).  Unless you had your marriage Convalidated before the ‘wedding night’, after the legal marriage but before the convalidation you would not be allowed to receive Communion (although many people do). 

The Church will consider your anniversary to be the date of the convalidation, not the date you were legally married.

 

Post # 12
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@M72727:  Oh right… I hadn’t thought about the fact that they would obviously be having “premarital” sex if they didn’t get the convalidation. 

Although, I disagree with the arguement that having a civil marriage followed (in my case, the next day) by a convalidation means I think civil marriage is equal to Church marriage. Personally, I’m doing it for exactly the opposite reason. I think what the state refers to as marriage has virtually nothing to do with the Sacrament of Marriage and I find it odd and rather unsettling that the Sacrament also includes the legal paperwork. This is not the case for any other sacrament. When you’re baptised you don’t also get your birth certificate. When you’re confirmed you’re not considered an adult in the eyes of the law. The priest doesn’t stick around to issue a death certificate after issuing last Rites. Why should me entering into a covenant with God and my husband have anything to do with how I pay my taxes that year?

Post # 13
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MexiPino:  I totally agree.  We’re only doing the legal paperwork at the Church because it’s super convenient and I plan to spend the days surrounding the wedding with family from across the Atlantic.  (It also costs more, but not really enough to sway my actions)

In Ontario I know it’s possible to get married by Banns instead of Mariage License, which we would be doing if Fiance weren’t from a different Continent.  This means quite a few religious people in Ontario don’t need a license to be legally married.

I also think there’s a huge difference between quietly signing the paperwork for legal marriage the day before your wedding in the church, and having a legal ceremony with all your friends which is quietly convalidated at a later date.  In one you’re clearly just signing the license to take care of legal documents, in the other you’re celebrating the legal marriage while downplaying the sacramental marriage.

Post # 14
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@M72727:  Interesting. I’m planning it more like a wedding weekend. The legal one will have guests but it will be short & to the point. We’ll have a big BBQ in the same location. Sunday my entire family & my mission team will go to Life Teen mass (I founded our LT program and was in the band for many years) and have the marriage convalidated by our deacon who is a family friend. It’s really my way of being able to celebrate with my church family as well, since my family is HUGE and there’s no way to fit anyone from church into a reception- even if it is a BBQ. 

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