Post # 1
I’m having a crisis. Our wedding won’t be until at least 2018 because I want to graduate college first, but we’ve started talking about seasons and ceremony styles and stuff. My fiance is catholic and I am not (my parents raised me w/o a religion so I could choose my own). His family is very invested in their faith, but none of y views have ever aligned with those of the catholic church. I actually never even wanted a wedding, but his mother (who is way too involved in his life) insisted that “he’s catholic so something needs to be done in a church.” My issue is that I’ve never been to church or anything and am not catholic, so I feel like having a catholic wedding would be sort of going against my own beliefs, or even lying in a sense. I would have no idea what was going on and pretty much wouldn’t have any part in the ceremony since it would be all for him and his faith. This is sort of an all or nothing situation, and there isn’t really a compromise that can be made: we either have a catholic wedding or we don’t. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Please help 🙁
Post # 2
What does your fiance say? Is he willing to stand up to his parents for you? It’s your wedding. If he’s fine with having a simple non-religious ceremony then that’s all you need to care about.
Btw, I am Catholic and I believe you can have your marriage “blessed” by a priest afterward. It’s not a ceremony, I think they just say a couple prayers. That might get the in-laws off your back.
Post # 3
Girl, I feel you. I was dating my fiance for about 5.5 years before we got engaged, and his famliy is veeerrryyyyy Catholic and I am atheist. I’ve seen his grandma literally convert people to Catholocism before they entered into the family.
I knew early on that I wanted to marry him, but I always worried about how inauthentic it would feel to me to have a religious wedding. My fiance is somewhat religious, but not enough so that a traditional Catholic wedding would feel “right” to him either.
Fast forward to the actual planning, though: we’re having a quick, secular ceremony in the same location as our reception. We didn’t tell anyone or ask for input on this, we just did it. And we actually haven’t had anyone give us any shit about it!
So, you may be surprised at the lack of reaction you get. But then again, I don’t know since your Future Mother-In-Law seems to be a little too overly-involved. What does your fiance want? What if you were married in a church and had a religious ceremony but didn’t have a traditional mass in a Catholic church?
Post # 4
I’m not catholic (or baptized) and I had a catholic ceremony due to my husbands upbringing as well. I kept an open mind and was very selective about what was said in our ceremony. If you do your research, you can still put together a ceremony that’s meaningful to you as well as to him.
Have you met his priest privately? I was pleasantly surprised at how non-judgemental our priest was, and he was understanding of my concerns of not wanting the ceremony to be too “churchy”. It turned out to be amazing, and there’s nothing I would have changed. We had non-religious guests comment on how much they enjoyed it.
In short, try to be open minded if this is truly your only ceremony option. You could be pleasantly surprised, and be able to avoid conflict with him and his family.
However, if you end up being seriously uncomfortable with his priest and truly feel like this isn’t right for you, then your fiance needs to respect that this is your wedding as well and the two of you look into some compromises.
Post # 5
their family priest is amazing! I’ve met him a bunch of times and I think he’s hilarious, very educated, and pretty understanding. My fiance texted him this morning asking about the ceremony and stuff and he just told him that according to the “rules” or whatever, for it to be sacramental it has to be in a church with 2 witnessess. My fiance wants a catholic wedding because he is close to his faith, but I’m scared because it just feels like its between him and the religion rather than him and I, ya know? We still have a lot to discuss, but it’s definitely reassuring hearing that you found a way to make it work!
Post # 6
he really wants a catholic wedding, so I’m not sure. We talked about having the ceremony and reception in a regular venue, then later on going to the church and having a priest do it with 2 witnesses, but we don’t know how that would go.
Post # 7
ahh, gotcha. Hopefully something can work out like it did for sauve2015 :
and you guys can both feel like it’s a meaningful wedding!