Post # 1
I always pictured myself/have wanted to get married in the Church. My SO and I both grew up Catholic, but he wasn’t confirmed/his family had a falling out with their local parish and they switched to a nondenominational church. My SO was not very ecstatic about the idea of getting married in the Church because, while we are both spiritual and very connected to God, we don’t attend locally together, so he doesn’t really feel a “need” to have a church wedding. Logistically, he isn’t a fan of having the ceremony at one space and the reception at another. All this was said before we were engaged.
In speaking with my mom prior to my engagement, she had the idea that we could have a small ceremony at our local parish prior to the wedding day. I thought that this was a great compromise and my SO is on board/ doesn’t have any objections. That said, I am a bit torn about a few things: One, there’s no need to have two anniversaries for anyone and I’m not a fan of this for myself. Secondly, I worry that getting married prior to our wedding will ruin the magic of the day. That may sound silly, but I can’t shake the thought.
I’d love to hear your feedback if you’ve done a Catholic ceremony and a wedding on separate days. I would ideally like to have the Catholic ceremony no more than 2 weeks before our wedding. I don’t want to eliminate the Catholic ceremony because, for me, it is paramount that I seal my marriage in the Church prior to any other ceremony. It is just my personal preference and not up for debate.
Do you feel like you have two anniversaries? Did anything feel off on your wedding day because you were technically already married?
Post # 2
Will you just have a reception 2 weeks later? Your catholic ceremony will be your legal wedding so i’m confused about what you hope to get out of this. It seems odd to me that your fiance doesn’t want a catholic ceremony and reception on one day but is okay with them two weeks apart. Can you explain his reasoning?
Post # 3
No, we will do a ceremony and reception as planned. Really, I just don’t feel comfortable getting married outside of the Church. He (and I agree) thinks it makes more sense to have a ceremony and reception all at the same place and we won’t be getting married locally, so finding a church somewhere we’re not familiar with could be stressful. I know plenty of people have ceremonies one place and reception another, but these are just our preferences.
Post # 4
I’m not sure I understand his position. He doesn’t want a church wedding but is willing to do a church wedding on a different date.He doesn’t want a ceremony and reception at two locations but that’s what he would be getting if you had a ceremony two weeks before the reception.
Post # 5
Could you do the Catholic ceremony after your “main” wedding? I come from an Eastern Orthodox Christian background and have a few friends who have done this. Not sure what the rules are in Catholicism, but in Orthodoxy, the Orthodox wedding has to be the last one. That would solve the problem of ruining the “magic” of your main wedding day. In fact, I even have a friend who actually had two separate weddings on the same day…a ceremony in the bride’s protestant church, followed by a second one in the groom’s Orthodox church, where the reception followed. The guests just caravaned from one locale to the next. It was unconventional but it worked.
As for the two anniversaries…not much you can do about that one if you have the weddings on separate days. You and your husband will just have to agree which date is most meaningful to you and celebrate that one going forward.
Post # 6
This is interesting that the Orthodox wedding has to be last- I don’t know that there’s any rules like that in Catholicism, I tend to think not as they don’t want you to get married outside of the Church at all lol, but in my mind I had to have my Catholic ceremony first- Your POV makes me view it more as a sealing which I sort of like. I just looked into convalidation and I guess there’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s basically just having your marriage blessed in the Church after the fact.
He doesn’t want guests to have to go to and from multiple locations.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
I came here to suggest convalidation. Seems like the simplest way to go about this.
Post # 8
Lol the Orthodox church is the same. They don’t acknowledge any weddings that happen before…in their eyes the Orthodox one is the only legitimate one, which is why it has to be last/final. I have sooo many friends/family who had their “real” wedding days, weeks, or even months before the Orthodox one either in some secular location or a non-Orthodox church, then just did the Orthodox wedding quietly later on to satisfy family pressure usually.
Post # 9
I still don’t understand the two anniversaries, surely if you are catholic enough to be married in and only in the Catholic Church then you would regard that as your wedding date? The event two weeks later would just be a symbolic ceremony and a party.
Him not wanting guests to move between a church and a reception just sounds like it it creating problems. It is totally normal to have a church ceremony then the guests move to a reception.
Is your catholic ceremony your legal wedding? Or is it just a blessing? If it is just a blessing have you actually checked with your priest that he would do it? Not all priests/ parishes will go out of their way to bless a marriage if you chose not to have a catholic wedding.
Post # 10
Convalidation might work better. I’ve had friends who had civil ceremonies first and then later got their marriages convalidated. If you have the Catholic ceremony first then that is your wedding day (since that is the day you were wed), and the other civil ceremony you have planned would be more of a vow renewal, I’d guess.
Here’s a helpful link: https://d2wldr9tsuuj1b.cloudfront.net/2332/documents/2014/4/STEPS%20TO%20THE%20CONVALIDATION%20OF%20YOUR%20MARRIAGE.pdf
Post # 11
The Catholic Churches I know won’t marry you if you’re not confirmed.
Post # 12
if you get married in the Catholic Church first, that will be when you’re legally married too. The church won’t just perform a ceremony beforehand with the legalities. So that means if you have another ceremony later, that one won’t be legal. Depending on where you are, some people may view this as rude. They want to witness the legal ceremony as part of your wedding. However, if you’re open with your guests that you’ve already the legal and religious ceremony you should avoid any hurt feelings.
Most people I know who have required two ceremonies (usually destination weddings that require the legal one first) just count the second ceremony as their anniversary date.
We got married in a Protestant church but my husband is catholic. We’re legally married but not recognised by the Catholic Church so we are planning a convalidation, which is a Catholic ceremony after the legal one to recognise the marriage. We will only be inviting our parents to this and having a meal after to celebrate (mainly because it’s taken us years to get to sorting it out). We won’t be making a big deal out of the convalidation and we won’t count that as our anniversary.
Post # 13
do you have experience with it? I agree seems like the most simple choice. I will have to look into the requirements.
thank you so much!
a judgement on “how Catholic” I am is not really a welcome one
ETA: We want our wedding to be on a certain day.
Yes, we would only invite parents and siblings! Has it been hard to get approved for the convalidation/ coordinating with the church?
Post # 14
“it is paramount that I seal my marriage in the Church prior to any other ceremony.”
You won’t be “sealing” anything – you will be getting legally married if you marry in the church first. You cannot just have a pretend ceremony in the church prior to a legal wedding at a later date. Your catholic wedding will be a fully legal ceremony and wedding. I’m not sure if you don’t understand that or if your OP is just unclear.
Anyways, I think convalidation would be my choice.
Post # 15
It wouldn’t be a pretend ceremony at all. It would be legal. I said sealed because I meant sealed in the eyes of God as well.