Post # 1
I am not sure which board to post this in, but I guess it really is an interfaith issue.
DH’s family is pushing for us to have our marriage convalidated. I am devastated, absolutely crushed. We were married in the Christian church, were not sexually active until marriage, first marriage for both, and have strived to glorify God in our marriage ever since. I mean, we did it the right way. But there have been some comments recently about us living in sin anyway. They are also harping on him for taking communion, which sickens me as a believer.
They have even offered to pay for a small convalidation ceremony which will NOT happen.
How do you deal with something like this? We do not have children yet, but I am so afraid they will be called bastards when we do.
Post # 3
I don’t really have any advice, but just FYI, Catholics are Christians.
However, I’m sorry that you are going through what you’re going through. Did you all talk about this before you got married? How does your husband feel? Ultimately it will have to be a decision you make together.
Taking communion sickens you as a believer? Sorry, I didn’t understand that line…
Post # 4
I don’t really understand. I looked up convalidation and it says that it’s done when there was an impediment to the marriage that one or both parties were not aware of. Is that the case for you?
Post # 5
You probably got married in a Protestant church, and Catholics don’t recognize that as a marriage that is valid in the Catholic church, so for the Catholic church to consider it a marriage, it would need to be convalidated. Am I correct?
Post # 6
Catholics might be Christians, but they don’t see me as one for whatever reason. And you misunderstood the communion part – it sickens me that his church and family don’t believe he should be taking it since he’s “living in sin”.
janebennett: Yes, that’s the issue. His church does not believe that we are married.
I mean, we talked about this when we got married – that we would not have a priest bless our marriage and we would not be married in the Catholic Church. His family was against it, but I thought it would die down. Now they’re basically wanting us to get married again? And insinuating our children will be bastards and we’re bad Christians if we don’t? I honestly didn’t see this coming. And yeah, Darling Husband needs to not tell me *everything* his parents say, but they shouldn’t even be saying this, I don’t think. They rarely even go to mass.
Post # 7
I think it just depends on if your Fiance is a practicing Catholic. From the sounds of it, he is not. In that case there is NO reason for him to be recieving communion (not because of the whole marraige thing… but because he isn’t practicing!!!). If your Fiance ever wants to go back to the church however and/or raise your children Catholic, you will just have to have a small blessing its not a big deal but it is if that means anything. I’m sorry that your FI’s family is acting like that. They’re not acting very Christian.
Edit… and Catholics do see you as Christian, you’re baptized and believe in Jesus… that’s Christian. The main difference has to do with the Eucharist, that is the main thing that separates Protestants and Catholics, two of the divisions of Christianity
Post # 8
That is so dumb. You had a ceremony, you got married, and I assume you have documentation from the state that you are married as well. How much more could there possibly be to do? Can God not see you get married in a Protestant church? Like there’s lead so he can’t see through the roof or something?
I’m sorry, I know that shows my opinion of church pretty strongly, but I think they’re being unreasonable. You know that you are married, and should explain to his parents how that works.
Post # 9
@starrynight: Catholics believe you’re Christian if you believe that Christ is your savior. I believe the issue is that your in laws don’t accept your faith, not that Catholics don’t accept that you are Christian. Your in laws don’t represent all Catholics, just as you cannot represent all Protestants. That being said, it is rather sad that your in laws are being so intolerant. I think it will show your faith and character if you don’t respond to their intolerance with intolerance.
ETA: the issue with communion is a little more complicated than that. If you would like to know about it in a nonjudgemental/non argumentative way, you’re welcome to PM me and I can try to answer any questions you might have. Good luck!
Post # 10
Well, a marriage isn’t recoganized by the Catholic Church unless you are married in the Catholic Church or get a convalidation. And because you haven’t done either of those things, according to the Catholic Church you are not married and living in sin. Thus, your H is not in a state of grace and should not be taking communion at a Catholic Church. Taking communion is different in the Catholic Church than other Christian denominations (except maybe Anglican?).
If you and your H decided not to get married withint the Catholic Church and he doesn’t want a convalidation then he needs to tell your parents to back-off. They shouldn’t be pressuring you to get a convalidation if the two of you don’t want one. Have him talk to them and explain that it was a decision that the two of you made and one you are sticking with.
I’m sorry our in-laws are being so difficult and judgemental. Please know that not all Catholics are like this! And Catholics do consider you Christian as long as you believe in Jesus.
Post # 11
I guess I’m done with this thread. We waited to have sex of any kind, stayed pure before our wedding and I’ve been in tears for the past hour about people thinking we’re sinning. I absolutely cannot believe this.
Post # 13
@starrynight: I realized I have mispoken. For a Catholic, the church will only recoganize your marriage if done in the Catholic Church or the marriage is convalidated. Sorry for my miscommunication. I researched this a bit more, and it looks like the Catholic church will recoganize a non-Catholic, Christian marriage. This all hinges on your H really. If he has formally left the Catholic Church, then there is no issue and the church will consider your marriage valid (though he shouldn’t be taking communion). However, if he’s still a Catholic (this was the assumption I was going on), then he is required to get married in the Catholic Church. And according to the Catholic Church, your marriage isn’t valid and he is living in sin. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but those are the rules of the Catholic Church – it’s not simply about not having sex before marriage, there is a lot more to it. I also don’t mean to be harsh or judgemental. I’m just trying to give you information about how the Catholic Church handles marriage.
I do still think your in-laws are handling this poorly and I’m sorry for that. I hope it works out and they get over this.
Post # 14
Whoa…….. slow down and breathe.
First of all, you’re getting WAAAAAAAAY upset over what SOMEONE ELSE thinks of you. These beliefs are only true if YOU believe them.
So, yes. Your marriage isn’t *valid* in the Catholic Church. Guess what? I don’t mean to be flippent, but you’re not Catholic. You’re not Jewish either…. so if your kids can’t publicly pray the Al Khet and asks for forgiveness during Yom Kippur – does that mean they aren’t going to be forgiven for any of their sins? NO. It means that you’re not Jewish. If you had a Jewish Mother-In-Law, she would worry about the souls of your children because they can never be forgiven IN HER FAITH. When your husband dies he isn’t going to be reincarnated…. you know why? You aren’t buddhist. If you had a Buddist Mother-In-Law, she would worry about the fate of your husband’s soul. You married a Catholic, in a non-Catholic ceremony….. so your Catholic In-Laws think you’re going to hell. That’s how it works.
You can’t let these things upset you. Because you can’t BE everything.
You have a value system that guides your behavior. There will be a million people in your life who will think you are wrong. So? Do what you do so that you and your husband are true to your value system and you are square with *whomever it is you get square with every day*. If its God…. then do what you think God wants, and forget what other people think.
WARS are fought over religion. In Ireland…… the Catholics and the Protestants (Christians who aren’t Catholic) KILL each other, they have such a strong belief that they are right.
My question….. why won’t you do a convalidation? All it means is that your marriage will be recognized by the Catholic Church. It would be like getting married at the Justice of the Peace, which is the *legal* ceremony and then having a religious ceremony so your marriage will be *recognized by God*.
What does your husband want?
Post # 15
It all depends on whether or not your husband is a practising Catholic. If he remains Catholic, he should not be taking communion according to the rules of the church, because he was not married in a Catholic church. If he has now left Catholicism and is a member of your church, and he is taking communion there, I fail to see the problem. Moreover, if he has left the Catholic church then it seems rather hypocritical for his family to push him towards having a Catholic ceremony.
Am I missing something here? Is he still practising? Because if so, then sadly your marriage is not recognised by the Catholic church without a convalidation. BUT… if that’s the case then I don’t get it… if he wanted to remain a Catholic then why is he so against convalidation? I think we need to know a little bit more background about which churches you belong to and how you made those decisions to really help you out…
Post # 16
Your in-laws are acting like Pharisees. I think you’re going to have to put distance between you (you & hubby) and them.
You are a Christian. You’re the daughter of the Most High God. If the Creator of the Universe has blessed your marriage, then your legalistic in-laws’ opinion of your union is irrelevant.