Post # 1
My family is very Catholic and have very set views on having a church ceremony with a priest. I on the other hand am not so Catholic and neither is my Fiance and would very much like to have an outdoor ceremony at the place where we’re having the reception at even though it would just be a non denominational ceremony. When I told my mom she freaked out and believes we are living in SIN for not getting married through the eyes of GOD! It’s a tough choice for me.
1. Am I being selfish and should just give my parents the satisfaction of having a church ceremony after all they have done for me?
2. Stop caring about what they want and worry about what me Fiance and I want?
I’m completley torn! 🙁
Post # 3
You say that you’re “not really” Catholic. Do you care if the Catholic Church recognizes your marriage? If not , then I would get married outside like you want. I don’t think it’s selfish to do this. What does your Fiance want to do?
Post # 4
Honestly do what you want. Your parents will get over it enventually. (I had the opposite problem I was getting married in the Catholic church because Darling Husband is catholic my parents were against it) If they don’t get over it or you decide you want your marriage to be recognized by the church you could always do a convalidation to have your marriage blessed.
Post # 5
My husband and I are not very religious but my mom kind of is. She really wanted us to get married in a church, but she did not push the subject. We had a non-denominational outside ceremony. The only thing my mom fought us a little bit about was having a prayer at the end of our ceremony instead of the Apache Blessing that we were planning on doing. She lost that battle though and we had the Apache Blessing just like we wanted. We did compromise and had by Aunt say grace before having dinner.
We did the wedding exactly how we envisioned it would be. It was absolutely beautiful and everything we wanted. I did not want to regret later that I did not follow through with what I wanted for my wedding. And I do not regret anything. Also, my mom thought it was a beautiful ceremony.
Post # 6
@Minniemousie1: At the point where you decide that you’re old enough and mature enough to get engaged and get married, that’s the exact point where you should have stopped living to please your parents.
Post # 7
I’m having a non-denominational ceremony outside at the Lake on a Friday evening at the same place where our reception is being held. Then on Sunday, we are having a convalidation ceremony with just immediate family. The convalidation recognizes the marriage in the eyes of the church. This should alleviate your parent’s concerns while also giving YOU exactly what you want. After all, it’s your wedding. Good luck!
Post # 8
@Minniemousie1: Have a ceremony that reflects your own beliefs.
Post # 9
@Minniemousie1: lol I’m having the same dilemma. I no longer have a church, but my parents really want it to be a church wedding, I’m more of the barefoot hippie type so I really want something outdoors and was giving up on that since the date kept getting pushed further into the cold weather zone, but Fiance woke up this morning and said “let’s just hurry up and get married in august…” lol so I might get my park wedding after all. Parents will live if it’s not in a church, but I’m worried about getting murdered if we have a non-religion-specific ceremony so idk how we’re gonna handle that.
Post # 10
Will you want future children to be baptised in the Catholic Church?
Did the Church ever mean anything to you? Are you not very religious or are you anti-religious?
Most people go through a phase where religion is not very important to them. There are not many 20-somethings in any church on a Sunday morning! But most of us come back, eventually. Marriage and children often open the doors to becoming a church-goer again. But this time on your own terms, instead of being dragged there by your parents.
My fiancee and I are going through the Catholic Church’s marriage prep program right now, and it has been great. It has helped us figure out some things that we had not discussed before and might not have thought about until they became arguements later on. I am really happy that we decided on a traditional church wedding.
Post # 11
We will have a non-denominational wedding outside the church. I am not Catholic, he is not Catholic, but his family is. They will hopefully deal
Post # 12
@Minniemousie1: It’s not selfish. You are an adult and are allowed to set whatever boundaries you want with your parents. If you’re not really catholic then a church ceremony won’t have much meaning to you except to please your parents. This is your wedding day and you can do what you like. Go with your gut and you won’t regret it. Just make sure you have a backup plan in case of rain.
Post # 13
@DJones69: YES! It’s hard to let go of the guilt that can come from setting boundaries but once you embrace it there is no going back!
Post # 14
It depends on how much you want the Church involved in the rest of your life. Baptising children, being a godmother, having a Catholic funeral, receiving the sacraments, all require being in good standing with the Church, which means having a valid marriage or, your mother’s right, you’ll be living in sib as far as the Church is concerned.
Post # 15
@Minniemousie1: If you don’t intend to raise your children in the Church, don’t have a Catholic ceremony. You will be making promises and commitments that faithful Catholics take very seriously, and oing it within the context of a sacrament that is essential to their faith. It shows much more respect to the Church, and it’s followers, to marry outside the Church, than to go through the motions without sincerity.
That said, do the wedding prep course either way. It has many great elements that apply to all couples, not just Catholics. Some stuff is very Catholic, but really just two weeks of the 7.
Post # 16
@Minniemousie1: I did both because I am in the same shoes, plus my parents are not together… so I did an outdoor non-denominational ceremony with my moms side, the grooms side, where we did the the signing of the papers with a pastor and a decked out wedding dress and music and tuxes and family and bridesmaids and a bouquet and the whole nine yards. Then two weeks later we did a reconvalidation ceremony at our catholic church back home, where our priest married us again at church with my dads side 🙂 I wore a simpler white dress and my new husband wore a suit and it was just as special… 🙂 We loved getting married twice!